Unforgivable

Ewan ko kung mapapatawad ko pa si Ryan sa ginawa nya.

To think I gave him all my love and care...
I gave him all the support because he wanted to reach the top. I know he'll be very happy if he succeed so I did not hold back. I did everything and took his goals very seriously. Kinareer ko ang pagtulong sa kanya.

Tapos nung mabuking ko ang kalokohan nya tumawa lng ng tumawa. Sinadya nya talaga...may intentions na sya! Nilinlang nya ako!

Well di na sya makakaulit sa akin!

Sa susunod na humingi pa sya ng tulong sa akin para maka-hiscore sa text twist sisiguraduhin ko na xda nya yung ginagamit nya at hindi sa akin. At lagi ko nang itatago xda ko from him... Grrr...tlga! Ang sipag pa naman nyang bunuin yung mga 3 letter words eh ako makuha ko lng yung 6 letter words ninenext game ko na. Huhuhuhu...super layo ng hi-score nya sa hi-score ko!

Hay naku Ryan may araw ka din sa akin! Mwahaha. (evil laugh)

Tough job! Tough girl?

An HR job is really not for everybody and I am starting to wonder if it's even for me.

Back in 2000 when I started as an HR Assistant I realized that this job makes enemies. No matter how nice you are, the better HR you become the more they hate you. A fresh grad like me was so shocked that I got confronted by a manager mediated by our Controller. Siding the management or the people is something we can't do. So it begins....

Five years passed and I'm still here despite my claims that I'd rather teach than work in an office. What I do love about the job is the chance to actually help people. Exactly why I took up Psychology. Here kasi you make enemies with some and you are the bestfriend of some. You get to be the enemy for not giving employees what they want. They complain about something, request for something or wants something in the system changed and if they don't get it you're the antagonist. Most of people forget that HR's do defend their position (if it's reasonable) to management but we can't bad mouth management to them or totally demotivate them by agreeing with them. Would you prefer that the person you consult always agree with what you say or promise to give you what you wanted but at the back of their mind really oppose you? The thing is I defend both sides to both sides. I make both sides see what they are not seeing.

The other day I had this very good conversation with my boss who is now my new idol. I was so moved by the things that she told me. I never did understand her at first, the same err most people commit towards HR people, but this talk changed everything. She made me see obvious things that we tend to miss out. Like, I could choose to be the most popular person in the crowd or I could choose to do the right thing even if it means contradicting what people are saying. She's the perfect example of the nicest person on earth yet so unpopular among the employees. She taught me how to make careful judgements about people and not assume anything unless it's based on facts. She taught me that our job requires us to take the fall if its' for the company's good. She taught me that if we can say bad things about another person then we are capable of saying bad things against anybody's back.

What breaks my heart though is in the past five years there are always people who doesn't look beyond what you do and see who you really are. Who judge you not for the choices you are compelled to make as a call of duty but for the friend that you can be.

Surprisingly though, for whatever "political?" reason I'm being outcasted lately, I'm not bothered and I'm not crying. (Being the cry baby that I am) I haven't even mentioned it to Ryan kasi I totally don't remember it when I go home. But if my theory is correct, which I really really hope it isn't, then I pity the people who cannot think for themselves and just goes with the flow.

Yes, I'll be sticking around. Another wise manager once told me that it could be worst out there than here. For as long as I have a good paying job and a very sensible boss I'll be here. Hoping that one day I can make a difference.

Tidbits

I think it was a great idea to go out and have lunch with the people I worked with for almost four years. Though not everybody were able to join us we superbly enjoyed each other's company and promised to schedule another one with the growing number of XNSP people...hehe! Immediately after being with them made me yearn for the things I've been missing:
1. Unlimited technical support for my gadgets!! (badly need one for my new toy)
2. New movies & tv series that I can watch during lunch break
3. Wearing casual clothes everyday or in my case at least every Friday because I enjoy naman wearing corporate clothes and dressing up.
Then again don't get me started with the things I'm grateful to miss...hehehe!
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Having this for a view while having lunch with Aze and Adonnis made me feel guilty that we can afford the luxury while they're down there fighting off the harsh effects EVAT will do to their already impoverished state. Note that I don't make political statements here because I do feel hopeless and helpless that I don't even want to think about it. Hopefully my Phil. History professor who gave me a flat one for her very revolutionary subject (maybe seeing that I can make a difference) doesn't read this. If she does I'll tell her that I at least followed one of her advice -- not marrying someone from school (whatever she meant by that advice).
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Although internet access here at the office is not so limited or secured I can't believe how terrible the connection is. As much as I want to use YM instead of MSN (kse wala naman ako friends na naka-MSN huhuhu) my YM doesn't work! I can sign in and send messages but can't read the text I am typing, sending or receiving...how useless! So Ryan and I made an MSN account at the same time I asked my best friends Auie and Cid to have one too. So sila lng ang friends ko dun...hahaha! Ryan and I do not need to call each other all the time because of this. If we feel like it sa chat na lng kme nagkukulitan so as not to disturb each other if the other one is very busy with work (kse you can easily shoo each other off). However, our connection nowadays is fluctuating after I send a message to him I get cutoff unable to read his response. Instead of getting pissed off I can't help but laugh everytime because he named our network after one popular island in Puerto Princesa, Palawan - luli (for lulubog lilitaw). He added: Grabe kung ganyan ang network namin dito last day ko na siguro! (how true!)
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Just would like to congratulate my married friends who now have very cute babies! Puro boys?!! For now I'll be content gushing at them because can't imagine myself being a mother just yet...maybe next week..haha! Or at least when I'm brave enough to endure the birthing pain...Just thinking about it makes me quiver. Yaiks!


Ethan of Joey & Cecil


Ali of Denise & Aldo


Nino of Monet & Anton
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It took me weeks to post this (all because I want to finish my Palawan story first)! I now have my YM courtesy of the net-ads I befriended...sshhh!You can always catch me online everyday but I may be too pre-occupied to reply! Plus I can install any program I want.

Celebration for two (Part II)

Day two at Palawan

It's 6:00 am and it's really happening...I don't want to wake up but we have to. Waaah!
Today we're supposed to go to the underground river. The longest underground river in the world! So I took a quick shower, woke Ryan up and packed our bags for the day. Then we realized we forgot to charge the digicam. Hoping to at least charge it for a while, we left it in the room and had breakfast.

I ordered adobo flakes & Ryan ordered his favorite continental breakfast (w/ bacon). They didn't have adobo flakes yet so I settled for the corned beef hashed. The place was packed. We recognized some folks we were with at the crocodile farm.

Already in hurry, we went back for our things and of course the digicam. We we're informed that for each tour the minimum is 6 people so we were with other groups on that day. Our guide even introduced us to them as honeymooners...mega-react naman kme kse mas maganda accommodations namin nung honeymoon noh?! Haha..kidding aside, we set them straight telling them that it's our anniversary trip.

Hayy ang sarap ng feeling! Ryan and I were so hyper kulitan kme ng kulitan. Our tour guide informed us that we'll make a quick stop at the grocery store to buy water or snacks but Ryan and I need not go down because our bags are packed with Pringles, a big bottle of absolute water and a few bars of Cadbury. Lunch was included in the tour. Bringing enough food has been my habit since elementary...sabi nga ng mga nagiging seatmates ko "takot daw ako magutom" my bag was always full of something to eat.

It was a looong and rough trip. We were all laughing at the expertise of our driver who, despite the very very rocky road, drives like he's at North Luzon Expressway. Nobody argued with him when he told us that if he drives a little slower, then we would all feel how bad the road was and feel dizzier than we are now.

This is where we stopped to appreciate the bumpy road we have endured so far and to see that there's more! Of course our trusty tripod is doing its thing. While the other groups are having difficulty taking pictures of themselves, already embarrased of asking our tour guide to do it for them, Ryan and I just keeps on posing and taking shots. Our tour guide said that the government is developing that far side of the mountain as a bird sanctuary and maybe early next year offer that as one of the tours in Palawan.

We travelled for almost another hour after the stop. We are so grateful of the small patches of cemented road because we were able to rest not only our butts but also our ears. You can really say the travel was stressful. Finally we reached the Sabang wharf. Before we went down we were all putting off lotion afraid that we encounter unfriendly mosquitos that cost Reyster Langit's life. Deadma sa Coppertone! At the wharf, an English speaking girl approached our companion and asked her.."Hey wer ar ya from?" with the accent and all...only to find out the girl was a Palawan native. We kept on teasing the little girl that we thought she's from Jamaica because of her hair and english accent. We even told her to let us go first kse taga-Palawan naman sya. Ang kulit nung bata!(Check them out at the background of our picture below)


The underground river was a short hike away. Although our guide said that there are monkeys and monitor lizards in this area we didn't see one on our way to the cave.

It's time to explore the St. Paul's underground river! The boat goes inside the cave for about 45 minutes, we were told that we will not see the entire stretch of the underground river, after all it was 8.2 kilometers! Our boatman asked us who wanted to hold the light and all of our companions who were girls refused, insisting that Ryan holds it because he's the only guy. I'm glad we did! We sat in front of the boat and held the spotlight plugged in Motolite battery. The advantage of holding the light was I could choose to point it towards whatever direction I want to check out or where Ryan wants to take picture. Though, the disadvantage is that the light gets hot. Good thing I have a small towel with me. Out of excitement I totally forgot that our digicam's flash can be adjusted. Since it was soooo dark inside we only had a few good shots. Mr. Boatman was sooo kwela pero pramis sobrang corny ng jokes na tipong sya yung pinagtatawanan namin at hindi yung jokes nya. Well, for anxious tourist I'm sure his jokes could at least calm them down. I just wonder how he'll entertain foreigners because all his "cave jokes" were in tagalog.

The cave was so marvelous inside. We could see all the sleeping bats hanging at the ceiling. The rock formations were beautiful especially the part they call Cathedral where you could make out saints, angels and even the holy family. Some tourist insist on going down there because the Cathedral was pretty much a big mountain of stone with plenty of rock formations. However, there are plenty of tarantulas in the area, a topic I would rather not discuss nor hear about. In fact, the information made me so eager to get out of the cave...at least before I realized that they cant swim. We were lucky enough to have the cave all to ourselves because on our way out there were 3 boats coming in and it could be a little noisy to hear what your boatman is explaining.

It was time for lunch and now we saw all the monkeys and monitor lizards. We were warned to hold on to our things because the monkeys are very good snatchers. They are very attracted to plastic bags. So our bags were in our laps while we ate. After lunch and no incident of snatching happened in the picnic area I placed my bag beside me but I was still holding it just to be sure. Unfortunately, the unopened pringles was exposed and I didn't feel that someone was already pulling it discretely. Ryan just called my attention because he was trying to pull it from the monkey. The pringles was in between me & Ryan and may sandalan pa yung wooden bench. It was hard to imagine how the can of pringles fit between the small space of the wood yet the monkey succeeded. Ryan, underestimating the small monkey's strength was defeated in the very quick tug of war for the Pringles. Suddenly ALL of the monkeys ran toward the direction were the thief headed. While we all wondered how they will open the can, Ryan was so pissed that he wasn't able to eat at least half of it before it got stolen. Tsk tsk...what an unforgettable experience for my dear husband who loves Pringles so much.

Shopping time! We had a little boat incident going back to the wharf because the engine won't start and we were stuck for about 10-15mins in the sea...well, as long as I could still see the shore I wasn't worried. Sabang wharf has the cheapest Palawan shirts & other souvenirs...ummm..sadly, when we left our XDA's at the vault he also left my wallet without grabbing the cash. We didn't realize it sooner because we didn't buy anything from the grocery that morning. So I told Ryan I will look around and if I liked anything....sheesh this is so embarrasing to put here but out of desperation I will borrow money from the other girls. And I did, I sooo wanted to buy the fushia pink baby tee with matching white one for Ryan. Swallowing my pride and all...I borrowed money from the people I just met this morning. Grabe! Even Ryan was embarrassed with what I did but I can't resist buying the tees. I wanted to buy too for pasalubong but was worried because we were told we are going to passby the Vietnam Village on our way back. Viet Ville had killer garlic french breads that can compete with French Baker but there was not much to see so we just bought their famous french breads.

While Ryan will never forget the monkey who stole his Pringles, I will never forget borrowing money from a new acquaintance. As soon as we stepped in the hotel, I rushed to the reception desk to get my wallet and immediately gave back the money I borrowed.

Dinner time for day 2 was at Kina Butch. Restaurants here at Palawan have funny sounding names huh?

to be continued...

Celebration for two (part I)

We've been waiting for this celebration for a year while we were still on our honeymoon ...We enjoyed Bohol and Boracay so much that we promised we'll do it again after we refilled our piggy bank.

We weren't really after the lavish accommodations we had at Bohol and Boracay (although of course we can't help but wish for that). Palawan resorts tend to be more costly than going abroad (Singapore, Hongkong, Thailand or Malaysia) so we purchased the very friendly packages of PALakbayan and stayed in the heart of Puerto Princesa City.

Just like what I did for our honeymoon I contacted the hotel itself (despite easy & complete arrangement c/o PAL). I requested for the best room that they have and inquired for the places to see and a lot more.

d: Miss please make sure that you're giving us the best room in the hotel
hotel staff: Sure ma'am I'll put you on the third floor!
d: Is that the best floor..meaning it has a good view and the rooms are better?
hotel staff: Yes ma'm you have the view of the mountain. Just don't be surprised because we don't have elevators.
d: huh? Ilang floors ba kayo?
hotel staff: 3 lang ma'am...(*insert embarrassed giggle here)
d: ahhh...okayyy...(*trying to supress my laughter)

To our horror (okay okay more on mine) all are tours begin at 7:30 am. Whatddda????!!!! Not to mention our flight is at 7 am and we have to be at the airport at least 2 hours before...If ever...this was going to be the downside of this vacation. Before we left, our itenerary was well planned. We have booked all tours we plan to take except for the city tour on the first day. I was up for adventure and for 500 per head I'm sure we'll spend something less than that. (Adventurous and kurips!!that's me!)

Two days before our departure my brother informed me that our flight will be delayed. Good: I need not wake up too early, bad: kse sayang yung time we should've been there early. Just the same, we woke up early to have good seats...playing safe just in case a lot of passengers didn't get the message about the delayed flight. I also had an approval for a half day leave the day before our departure, so extra time to pack our things. We are soooo excited!! When I took the rest of the day off (Ryan by the way took the whole day off) we did some last minute shopping of snacks, water & vodka cruiser.

Friday. 5:00 am. I was up so early and I prepared extra special ham & cheese sandwiches for breakfast (left some na rin for my aunt & brother). Ryan was surprised not on what I prepared but on the time I woke up to prepare it. Hehehe...iba tlga pag excited.

We arrived at the airport 7:00 am an hour early if our flight wasn't delayed. After we checked in (at literal na kme ang nag-open ng counter for Puerto Princesa ha) they told us to present our ticket at Saint Cinnamon for free snacks. We thought it was for everybody but overheard that it was for the passengers of the delayed flight...hmmm...4 ensaymadas and a glass of iced tea is not enough bribe for the time we lost (charing!as if favorable ang earlier flight sa akin).

It was a long wait at the airport. Believe me there were more pictures than this one dahil walang magawa si Ryan..and of course once you're at the airport you can't hold your excitement so parang feeling mo ages ka nang naghihintay. Ryan played games at his xda while I read my new pocketbook I bought for this trip.

Finally at 10:00 they boarded us, then we're off to Palawan. When we arrived as if I wasn't contented with all the research I did, I went to their tourist assistance desk. They gave me another map of Palawan...we bought ours two weeks ago for around a hundred bucks and that was for free?! Oh well, now Ryan and I have our own maps wala nang agawan..hehe.

It was a short trip from the airport to Hotel Fleuris as in literally you can take the tricycle for a minimum fare of P 6.50 and I love their tricycles! I wonder why I didn't take a picture of it. It was huge and spacious. Even the 3rd person inside can still sit comfortably and you can put your baggage at your back na inside pa rin ng tricycle. Sabi tuloy ni Ryan "o ano gusto mo nang maguwi ng ganyan sa Manila?" (looking back and riding these crammed tricyles here at reposo I wish I did so)

Hotel Fleuris was expectedly small, what do you need elevators for? At least I was prepared that it was no Nami or Panglao Island Resort but Ryan got a little disappointed it totally wasn't. When we entered our room first thing we checked was the TV because we brought our beloved PS2 with us. Unfortunately it cannot be plugged on their tv set?!!!Haayy...sayang we were so careful pa naman carrying it to Palawan tapos we cannot use it pala..huhuhuhu.

In time for lunch, we went to Ka Lui's (I overheard the hotel driver telling the other guests about it). The restaurant's small entrance led to a very cozy hut inside, nestled in a garden. You walk barefoot inside and they have a very clever native locker for the guests' shoes. We ordered their catch for the day (it includes sizzling pusit, fish & prawns) but no! we we're wrong...it didn't stop there. We were full from the generous servings when they brought out one whole medium sized steamed fished followed by a bowl of fruits served in one half of the buko. My tummy really ached...it was only our first day and we were already pigging out.

Afterwards, we decided to head for the crocodile farm (ignoring the incessant offer of the hotel driver of a tricyle rental for a city tour). We didn't go wrong with the instructions the girl from the tourist desk gave me.

Highlight of our trip to the crocodile farm- I held the baby croc! (ummm...for a fee P30) so si Ryan naki pose na lng para libre hehehe. There were big spiders too and Ryan can't believe na mas takot pa din ako sa spider kesa sa crocodile...as in I was freaking out! What do you expect spiders yun.
I loved the skin of the croc it was smooth and he's so tender ...the one you can see in the picture is not a string tied around his neck...I think I'm squeezing him too tight.

After our tour inside the crocodile farm, led by one of their staff, other tourists left on their vans which is part of the city tour package. We were left alone with no ride home...and since it was already getting dark and the only other place to go was the butterfly farm we called it a day and decided to go back to our hotel. I was so amused at the hospitality and generosity of the multicab (jeepney in Palawan) drivers. Going to the croc farm kse, the driver did not ask one passenger for her fare. He said "sige na sige na kamusta mo na lng ako kay kumpare". It was no cheap treat because there weren't a lot of passengers (unlike the jeepney drivers here in Manila who doesn't leave until they made sure they've squeezed all passengers and can't fit another one) and the ride was really long, ours cost around P17.00 each. On our way home, the driver naman did not let a group of passengers pay and another kumpare he picked up along the way. Hmmm....maybe here in Palawan the drivers can run for the election. Or maybe if you're a jeepney driver a lot of people get you as ninong of their children. While I played at the random ideas about the multicab drivers of Palawan, Ryan busied himself musing over how clean the city is, because at every electric post there is a huge green garbage bin. You really will not have an excuse to litter.

At the hotel room, we were still finding ways to plug the PS2...as if! We even contemplated on buying whatever mechanism we need to attach for it to work. All of a sudden nag-brown out. Oh great! We can't believe it...we we're wondering tuloy if it's like this in the Puerto. Instead of trying other recommended restaurants that night we decided to have food delivered from Jollibee, besides we're still soo full from the lunch we had at Ka Lui's. Jollibee was at the corner lng of the street, sadly they told us they cannot deliver because they do not have a generator and they are just finishing the food they have. We didn't have a choice but get up and walk to Chowking (at the opposite side of Jollibee). Ang saya ng ending ng 1st day namin noh? Take-outs from Chowking for dinner. =)

to be continued.....

TOXIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My goodness I want to scream!!I'm sooo busy to the nth power and although I'm used to multi-tasking jobs/responsibilities. HR in an academic setting is entirely different.

I have so many kwentos I don't get to finish writing because when I get home I only want to do no-brainer tasks like watching Encantadia at 9pm... playing digital monopoly (na pwedeng ma-cheat), playing zuma in the laptop (hmmm....until the wee hours of the night hehe). I wanted to prepare pa naman a special gift for Ryan for our anniversary. With only a week to go I wonder if I'll have the energy and time to do it. Aaaarrrgghh! I can't wait for our Palawan vacation na muntik pang maging Pearl Farm sa hirap ng booking. Oh and I'm finally a "Mrs" using my new surname at my Mabuhay Miles. hahaha...ang babaw.

Undertime

I felt my energy escape me after our weekly operations meeting (with all the decision makers of our company – President & Directors, ako lng saling ket).
Maybe because before so I finished 10,000 tasks and was even late trying to fix what our messenger was supposed to send to our mother company. Aaarggh! Did you ever had the feeling that there are so many things to do you don’t know where to start?

So I’d rather stop before I intoxicate myself and mess up what I’m supposed to do…anyway I was able to meet my objectives for the day….with an hour to go I’ll just update my blog & bloghop…sssshhh….as far as I know none of my officemates are aware of my blog. Hmmm…anyway I think it’s pretty convincing that I’m busy, having the piles & piles & piles of paperssssss at my desk.

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Nuninuninu…I’ve become the HR I was afraid I’d turned into for the first time in my career binarat ko yung new hire. Sa bait nya he didn’t complain or contested my offer (as in it was my idea to give him such rate) but I made his immediate superior promise to give him a raise upon regularization. Still feeling guilty though….ano kaya ang words of wisdom ni hubby later??

And another first--we might not regularize an employee….yaiks! With great power comes great responsibility the more I climb up the ranks the tougher decisions I need to make. Ayoko yata...ngeee.

In the middle of my thoughts my phone rang (btw: peeps I have a new mobile number which I haven’t updated everybody of, gulat na lng kayo receiving a call from an unknown # eh malamang ako na un.) Going back to the phone call….

Ging: Hi Dowa! Sorry pero 7:30 na start ng meeting natin later..
Dowa: Okay! Magiikot muna ako...
Ging: So si Abie nasabihan mo na about our meeting??
Dowa: Huh?! (pop! Nwala ang lahat ng paglalakbay ng aking isip) Ay s*** sorry! I forgot!!
Ging: Hahaha!Cge okay lng..blah blah blah!

*tama ba yun i-nonotify ko si Abie about our meeting a few hours before...so bad!

Sana meeting na with my friends kahit seryosohan ito …mas gusto ko na lng dumaldal kesa magisip ng mga bagay na may kabuluhan (like my work)…hehehe obviously!

Flashback

I love the post my friend Cid made after we went out to have a "learn to blog session". A month ago actually.

Cid was my college classmate and one of my closest, real & true friend. I am not just saying this to return the favor of the nice things he said about me in fact if you really want to see what we think of each other go check out our friendsters testimonials. Haha! Cid became my friend out of convenience when I turned my back against my clique fighting for something I believe in. At that time nawalan ako ng choice kse wala kmeng masamahan ni Auie in a way wala ring choice si Cid kse partly may kinalaman sya sa issue. Ah mali pala! Sya ang issue! Haha!

Seriously speaking Cid knows what I went through...he was somebody you can really be yourself anytime, kahit pa you're so pathetic na...maybe because he can relate to the feeling. I developed my confidence and survived teenage insecurity turmoils unbelievably with his crazy antics such as..."You're no beauty queen but you're no Elizabeth Ramsey either" lines while I was crying.

Memorable din ang pagiging bestman ni mokong sa kasal namin pero actually maid of honor ko sya di ko lang mapagsuot ng gown kse baka maging lawyer anytime soon eh hindi ako kilalaning kaibigan. So proxy sya ni bestfriend Auie and a good bestman for my husband I must say. Kahit na di ko malilimutan ang first words nya kay Ryan (who wasn't my bf yet that time) was..."ah..Computer Engineer ka? Si Dowa tlga ang hilig sa engineers". True friend tlga! Bait!

In college (at malamang hanggang nagyon), super senti tong si Cid pero he was able to express himself in all forms of literature. Can you imagine knowing the words and the tune of an unpopular song? Well, our whole class was able to because of Cid's easy and straight to the heart songs that he composes. He was a promising artist ...ahh songwriter na lng na muntik nang sumikat lumagpas lng ng seconds sa demo tape to be one of the finalists in Metro Pop. Maybe it was for the best na din because he's a more promising lawyer than a singer. Haha! Although teeming with good qualities it's really hard to believe he still hasn't found "her". We promised ourselves that one day sabay sabay kme nila Auie sasaya...hopefully before kami ni Auie mag-kaapo. Sometimes kulang na lang maglagay ako ng ads para i-promote sya (nope this is not one of it obviously).

I was sitting in the classroom observing his teaching demo for our Global & Local Culture subject. I badly needed to find an instructor who can teach the subject. I was nervous..I was also putting my career on line getting him. Our faculty members were impressed that I brought in a lawyer who was willing to handle the subject but something else about him impressed me. I know how unprepared he always was for reportings way back in college. As in pinapaikot ikot ang explanations para mahilo ang prof or nagpapatawa na lng pero ang suma total halata pa din. Now standing in front of us is a totally different guy. He really knows what he's talking about. He's really passionate about law...I know he'll get somewhere. He came a long way from the classmate I once knew. Still fun loving and kaka-enjoy to hang out with but now with more depth and sense. Dati pa naman syang no none-sense guy, (I take pride in the friends I choose) but I can sense how much he matured. He will definitely be one fine lawyer our country will know of! I so love the fact that Ryan enjoys being with him as well and maybe the second person na binasa nya ang blogs. Nakikinita kinita ko na that Cid will be called by our kids "ah si Tito Cid family friend namin" because that's how long our friendship will take (wish ko tlaga di ka-edad ng apo namin ni Auie mga anak nya..hahahaha!joke!peace!). It's reassuring to go through life to have good friends like him. I am certain that in the path of finding success he stumble upon true love which he truly deserves.

over! this post was one month in the making!

Torn

It's hard to be torn if you like both of them. You know the feeling of wanting it badly and you can't choose just one? Even before I got married I knew... but reality kicks in...I couldn't have it all...

This dilemma has taken about a few hours of my husband and I's work everyday. He even reached the point of not being able to accomplish anything because of this...Haha!Although medyo late ko na sya na-hook into researching about it.
One day while we were chatting endlessly discussing it he said:

~ Ano ba tlga?
~ Palawan?
o Boracay?

and to tease me for my indecisiveness he continued..
~ Baguio or Tagaytay?
~ Laguna or Pampanga?


have to choose very soon or else baka mainip sa decision ko mauwi sa bahay namin i-celebrate ang 5th year namin together and 1st year as husband and wife kahit resto di nya ako i-date.

Excited na ako sana October na!!Gusto ko nang bumili ng tickets para walang bawian pero saan nga ba tlga?

dozing off..

I lack sleep. Not because of the PS2 but because of…

Yes as outdated as it is it’s only this week that Ryan & I decided to watch all the episodes I copied from Troy back at NEC. Grabe the suspense is killing us! There was one episode that Ryan feel asleep already and I kept on watching pa din…hehehe. Hoping to surprise him by copying the episode in his laptop how stupid of me not to check if that was the right episode. Turns out mali pala!grr…bawi na sana ang panglalamang ko pumalpak pa.

In my stat class last night I was sooo sleepy. Sir pa naman was trying to review us of the topics we have discussed previously. I was so tempted to blog instead of listen to keep myself awake but I was seated in the front row hello and nobody was typing. Two papers due the next day and I am not even halfway through the 1^st reading. Aaargh!

The (shopping) devil within me

It all started when I joined an organization that requires people to wear business attire. I don’t see anything wrong about it especially if I go out and meet people but I had to do A LOT of shopping. Since I have a strong will-power on not buying things that are not within budget (which I plan like months ahead), it was difficult for me to do it. My eerr.. our closet would consist of several jeans and casual clothes I have gradually acquired last four years because my previous company’s dress code was casual. I had no choice but to fill my closet with business attires…that was 3 weeks ago…and now to my horror and (maybe later on to my husband’s too) my shopping prowess got unleashed.

Last night since he went out with his officemates I told him I will go to the mall, which by the way I miss terribly since because now my new workplace is two jeepney rides and very heavy traffic away. I used to be there everyday I enjoy shopping alone by far the only companion who I can really shop with me is Auie my bestfriend and on few occasions Ryan (if he is emotionally, physically and mentally ready). So after I had my wax I grabbed a caramel affogato frappucino @ Starbucks (love this!!it’s a must try) then I went out to buy a pair of shoes (supposedly brown lng) but turns out I bought another black shoes and almost a pair of red pumps they just don’t have my size and it doesn’t end there…I strained myself from buying the other pair of black shoes but until this morning I can’t stop thinking about it. Aaarrgghhh!! This is not me…Well, I will definitely earn 1000 miles from my credit card anytime soon.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Enjoying Ryan’s late night out the PS2 was all mine…to be fair I didn’t practice my Tekken 5 characters this time because beating Ryan is getting too easy. He only mastered one character since PS1 days until now and syempre kinareer ko ang pang counter attack sa kanya, especially with the new sexy female characters now. Enjoying my victory while it lasts kse he is sooo good that I never won a match pag sya kalaban ko. We just bought our PS2 and no it’s not part of my shopping spree…it’s one of the months ahead budgeted items that we bought and afterwards feeling guilty doing so. (Ayan my usual kakuriputan kicked in pa din). I’m not a big fan of Final Fantasy and the likes yet because I get so bored remembering all the moves and reading all the instructions but I tried out the game The Urbz (Sims in the city) which at first tested my patience but last night even after Ryan has arrived I was so engrossed in playing the game…haha!ang corny…at least with sims I can shop a lot without actually spending. The other night I asked Ryan to join me sa sims because I want him to be my boyfriend there…eh hello kabago bago lng nya kiniss ba naman yung sims ko?!syempre nagalit yun….hello! at nagalit din ako dahil kiniss nya agad ayan forever nag alit sa kanya ang character ko..Hehehe…nag-create na lng ako ng bago. Hahaha! Ang babaw ko lately noh? Hmmm.. I would like to think these are my stress outlets especially when I just finished my take home midterm exam na mala-nobela. Waah! I was sooo drained.

Bee happy!

I'm taking up this subject this term called Positive Psychology. To my Psychology friends out there who just heard of the term -- you are not alone! In fact my professor said he is still gathering more info about this since it's a new school of thought in Psychology that strays away from what they call a "diseased model" - that we are more often used to (neurosis, psychosis, maladjustments and all). Usually we peer at human behavior closely as if there is always something wrong with the cognition, emotion etc. Positive Psychology looks at the world and sees what makes people happy and how else can they enhance their strengths. (Haha!As if people will still consult psychologist if they're happy...>a valid downside isn't it?)

That was just an introduction though, I'm not out here to discuss about it yet (maybe some other time). Just wanted to share about the assignment we have. It's about finding ways (as in deliberately) to be happy. Initial studies came up with list such as: writing to an old mentor, making a gratitude list, etc. other than than our prof wanted us to come up with a different ways, hence, contribute to this fairly new concept in psychology. Such activity which we will all do the rest of the week from the day it was given will be reported the following meeting. Even our prof will do the activity. When he told us about it I instantly knew what I wanted them to do..of course I so badly want to tell them to get married (to the right person) but gathering from what they have shared in the class discussions weddings are not close by.

Two weeks ago it was my turn to give them the assignment. I wanted them to give a compliment or two to at least 3 people in a day. Why? I am not conscious about it but I learned from the people around me that I easily give compliments pala and I wasn't aware because I
knew they deserved it. I only give credit when it's due. Such as: "uy ang ganda mo today!", "ang sweet mo naman", "ang galing mo ah!", "wow, bago ang blouse mo ang ganda!", "naks ang porma ah..may date?" and a lot more. A week before I left my previous company Weng told me "naku this week isusuot ko na lahat ng magaganda kong blouse kse pag alis mo wala nang pupuna sa akin." It wasn't the first time I was informed how appreciative I am but maybe being emotional at that time I felt and I knew that with a simple compliment you tend to move people.

Ironically I'm not good with compliments (part of the Filipino culture) but I was told to my face that when given a compliment I should be thankful! Besides despite trying to be humble you really feel good inside especially if you know the compliment is true (aminin!). Imagine this scenario, a person is having a bad day and you notice how good his or hair was done today. For a minute there you take people's mind off their worries and actually help them see the good in them or they have (physically or internally). Imagine how we carefully choose our clothes in the morning to look good (or kahit pa without any effort at your end) then you get noticed for what you're wearing or how you look like. Wouldn't you feel good?

I am happy when I make other people happy and I'm glad that after my classmates did the activity I gave them they all agreed that "appreciation" is a good value to practice. What made giving them the assignment so exciting for me was the thought that most of them were not used to give compliments and they were forced to do so. =) I know they will have a hilarious experience. People around them will definitely be surprised. I'm taking credit (even if not given, angatan na ito ng bangko!) that my assignment successfully made them happy in a way or two. Among my favorites are: one of my classmates tried giving compliments to a stranger - LRT cashier who was studying she told her "wow ang galing mo naman mag manage ng time nagwowork ka na nagaaral ka pa" and to their maid who's cooking ability was already common knowledge though verbal acknowledgement was never given she said one night "wow! ang sarap ng luto mo ah!" their maid was so surprised to hear that and so happy about the compliment that the happiness cascaded on my classmate as well. Another classmate targeted her boss that she hardly got along with she ended up finding that "hey, meron naman pala syang good qualities" now somehow their relationship (or maybe at least their professional relationship) has improved.

Pero twist of the assignment I gave them was what my prof did...when it was his turn to share he goes: "What?! di ko masyado naintindihan assignment na bigay mo...I thought give the same person at least 3 compliments in a day" Apparently he gave this to an undergraduate student who he thinks is intelligent and has plenty to share but refuses to recite ever. Then later on (remember they had two weeks to do the assignment), the girl is wondering why he'd been noticing her a lot, like saying "hey that's a nice idea" after she recites and a lot more. Kahit ikaw naman kung prof mo yun baka magisip ka bigla da vah?? Bata pa naman si sir. In fairness, he got her to recite more often. Sobra kmeng tawa ng tawa sa experience nya. He said tuloy to me "parang gusto na tuloy kita isama sa class ko to tell the girl na-- Uy kaya ko ginawa yun kse pinaassignment nya ha (sabay turo sa akin)..." Hilarious tlga si sir!! Not following instructions kse...(sana di sya mahilig mag-blog hop)

Pero seriously it really won't hurt to look and acknowledge the good in somebody or the beauty that surrounds you that you can thank God for. After all wala namang mawawala sa atin. You can try it and you'll see you'll gain something from it. You can also start by saying or thinking "assignment lng ito c/o of dowa" like my classmates did to have the courage and an excuse to do it. =) Really now... is there something to be afraid of in giving away compliments?

A Shoe Tragedy

It was my first day of work yesterday. Nothing grand just so-so. I’m still adjusting naturally from the work environment to the way I dress up. Miss a lot of things lalo na the people but I instantly snap out of it everytime I get a text message that I have to do this have to do that before they sign my clearance. Technically they cannot hold me for erasing my emails before I left because I don’t think that’s an accountability unless I was told otherwise. With so many things to do in so little time I wasn’t able squeeze in segregating the personal emails from official ones. Hello!!! Four years?It was literally BULK mail so I just had to go ahead and delete it.

Anyway, at work (this is so embarrassing but I can’t help but talk about it) since I haven’t used my pumps for almost four years had to wear it for the first time again yesterday. I was able to shop for cheap business clothes from none other than the classy Divisoria last week (hahaha!) but I didn’t want to scrimp on my shoes so di ako nakabili. Then I completely forgot to go to the mall to buy some. Here I was clad in new slacks, blouse and so formal and business like yet I noticed some cracks on the top of my old pumps as I walk around the house. Nothing noticeable at first otherwise I would’ve settled for my reliable high-heeled sandals even if it meant violating policies on my first day. The day went on and I kept on moving around the building added to the fact that the only closed shoes I’ve worn in the last four years are rubber shoes and on my wedding day so my feet was screaming to get out! The top of one shoe almost chipped off na..as in natutuklap siya!

I was praying they won’t include me yet on the officer’s meeting that afternoon otherwise everybody would see an officer who can’t even afford a decent pair of shoes. Grabe tlga. Actually I tried to do something about it by going home during lunch I was on my way when I realized that I left my keys in the office. If I go back I’ll be late and though it won’t be counted against me I don’t think that’s proper on your first day of work. Sobra talagang funny how I tried to hide my shoes and not looking at the students as I walk in the corridor. Embarrassing to the nth power but I don’t want to give myself a hard time on such a petty thing. First thing I did when I got off was buy a pair of shoes at Landmark (ayoko nang lumayo!) kahit pa I was hungry already. When I found what I liked di ko na sinuot ulit yung shoes ko noh! But I took it home para ipakita sa family ko…hehe!

Then we met up with our ring supplier to have Ryan’s ring repaired kse it had a crack. They got mine na rin for polishing and they were so sorry for what happened that they took us out for dinner. After that we watched Monster-in-Law which we found very funny…grabe ang saya! Despite my attire, aching feet and horrible shoe tragedy di ko pinalagpas ang Time Zone (Oh yes, spoiled by my hubby). Di nga lang ako nakapaglaro ng basketball because of the shoes. Hehehe…

I'm gone...hopefully not forgetten

For somebody who was about to leave the company the work did not seem to end. Until my last day at work I can't accomplish what I planned to do so. Of course my tonsillitis, colds and cough wasn't really helping me reach my objectives and I simply wanted to leave and be gone (in short nakakatamad na tlga..hehehe).

Ironically I was getting anxious and having a bad case of separation anxiety which I thought I'll never have considering my reason for resigning but that can't be helped if I am surrounded with people who are really really nice. When I think of it, their nice personality and kindness floods over what causes my stress in the office but hey I'm just human and I believe that too much stress will kill me so why wait.

Also being able to talk things out with The B when she came over. At the start of the conversation I was getting disappointed because we were dwelling on the same issue however as it progressed I agreed that it's still important to clean the air and look back with fond memories to share and not the bitterness. I was contemplating on apologizing myself but if I have hurt her in the process then I at least owe her that.

In the last few days I realized that I loved the company and have so many good things to say about it then again bigger credit goes to the wonderful friends I have met there.

I have no regrets. Only gratitude I cannot put into words. I was forced to say my farewell speech and like I was expecting I was mess...crying and all, I thank my bosses who contributed to my growth, to the friends I have gained despite having a position that’s most hated in all companies, to my detractors who gave my work a challenge and pushed me to the limits to reach my potentials. I was overwhelmed with the sincerity of the people everytime they walk up to me and tell me how much they will miss me. That itself was an achievement I could ask for and will inspire me to do well in the next company I’ll be joining.

I may have gone and left good people behind but I will never forget. Hopefully they won't too. =)

LIST OF THINGS...

I Can’t wait to do:

I'm always absent..grabe last week M-W-F ako naka-leave!haha!Marathon job applications and not to mention I'm so lazy to go to work that I'd rather do other things.hehehe. Here goes...

1. Sleep a lot and be lazy at home

2. Watch TV especially hallmark kse naman afternoon magaganda ang shows or if I'll be able to burn tv series from the office now is the time to watch endlessly.

3. Finally choose the pictures for our wedding album (yes..wala pa until now and it's all our fault)

4. Finish my wedding kwento for Matus Jewelry website. Sobrang hiyang hiya na ako kina Alaine & Maye they really deserve plenty of credits for being a good supplier and good friends.

5. Sideline c/o Abie (thanks sis!bawi na ang bonus na mamimiss ko because I resigned before pa marelease)

6. Prepare & plan good dishes everyday nang hindi natataranta

7. Relaxed and not harassed after office ni Ryan para this time he has all the right to be and I'll take care of him.

8. Really really clean the room and organize and transfer all my books and documents from my old room pa. hahaha!

9. Find my passport? haha!as if..........asa pa ako!

10. Oh and I almost forgot!>>dedicate more time for my studies..haha! oo nga pala…sheesh.

pang less than a month things to do ba ito? Hmmm…..baka mawili ako!

Will surely miss:


these made it tough for me to let go of my job (akalain mo meron pala?!hehe!joke!)

1. ang mga friendship (syempre pa!). I give out a "mataray" first impression to everybody and I must say that making them see I'm not was something hard earned. Starting to get sentimental na nga being apart from them. sobrang nice kse tlga ng mga friends ko even from engineering department sila or even yung from Cebu.

2. The staff. We had our ups & downs but i undeniably love them because they have been with me through it all. They may not be my best friends and I would've love to have them open up to me more but nonetheless they will always have a special place in my heart.

3. Gail's crazy antics. This girl definitely cracks me up. She's one hell of a crazy girl that we decided to compile all her bloopers. We just can't document everything because we get so carried away laughing at it. She was my batchmate as in tandem na kme ever since and we have a nickname - they call us sitsiritsit...hehe!long story.

4. Cebu staff. I haven't even seen them in person... pero para ko silang phonepals ever. I will surely miss them, some of them already left but we'll always have a special bond. Relate kme ever sa experiences and even if we are literally phonepals lng they opened up to me more than I thought I deserved to know. Sobrang sad din ako and they just found out a few days ago. Even the new HR Staff there is getting sentimental over me leaving.

5. The updated tv shows in the office. Paano na ang noontime habit ko?Waah!

6. Mang Erning forever. I'm so fond of our company driver despite his stubborness that I personally chose him to drive for us on our wedding day. Of course he was treated as a guest din. Fave ko tlga si Mang Erning. =)

7. Mga super cool-eet na seniors. I never thought there are supervisors and managers who can be so cool and super kulit at the same time at feeling barkada ko sila. Learned a lot from them and I know dito lng matatagpuan na lahat tlga are so easy to relate to.

8. Birthday treats for the whole office. (Need I say more?)

Oh well...guess if I start getting teary eyed missing all of these then I should toughen myself up and look forward to the next company I'll be joining and hopefully it will pave a brighter future for me and our future family. =)

Month-ender News

I have resigned!!

And as if the news isn't big enough I’m proud to say that for the first time I did so without securing my next job. Somehow recent events kept me from updating my blog. The entire month of May I was either suffering from extreme stress at work or trying to balance it by having great vacations. In fairness I made so many attempts of composing something but never had the time or strength to finish it.

This May I staged my own EDSA revolt in the office haha!exag lng yun. I held on as long as I could not to mention the unanimous advice of the people around me that it's not practical to resign without job security. I only needed to hear my husband's go signal and nothing else mattered. Sorry friends! I know all people around me mean well and I'm not the type who would give up on something either. In fact it is my commitment to serve and accomplish my job that made it difficult for me to leave.

I handed in 2 resignation letters: a casual one (that is not supposed to go to the 201 file) and a formal one that’s intended for filing. The casual resignation letter was more heartfelt although it may have sounded overly dramatic at that time it was something necessary. An excerpt of it:

I am not resigning to avoid any more conflict with you since I am confident that we both will be able to resolve it eventually but the process is too painstakingly long.

I am not resigning to save my face from my shortcomings & foul ups since I do not deny my wrong doings but I cannot always take the fall for things I did not do nor intended to.

I am not resigning because I’m mad or any feeling relative to that.

The reason why I’m resigning is because I do not like the person that I have become as a result of preceding events. I have become too paranoid which affected my work and behavior in the office fearing-- now, more than ever that-- what I’m working on or doing might be wrong which I would relentlessly hear about. I do not want to wake up one day and lose my confidence and faith in myself altogether. I put you in an unpleasant position and I become less effective than what is expected of me.

I also pondered on these things:

> When people resign it's not always about the money. At a certain point of our life money could be a good motivation but it will not make us happy in the long run. As long as your basic needs are met and a little luxury now and then, then it's essential to keep your eyes open for more important things in life.

> There really is no perfect company or boss. Chances are I'll have a more difficult boss or luckily a better one. Fear of the unknown will not stop me. I'd rather take the 50/50 risk than staying knowing what I have here will not change.

> Nothing is permanent and one should always be flexible to change.

> Go and make a difference in people's lives because in the end who you are to them will be your legacy. I will always be grateful for my true friends at NSP! I hope somehow I have touched their lives.

> Through it all I'm glad to have Ryan by my side whether he's my husband or not because I know even if he weren't my husband yet I could always depend on him.

Once in a while I get pretty anxious. I don't think I can even maintain my vanity rituals or simply having the financial freedom (though I’m not such a big spender). Sigh..Though Ryan always say it’s okay nakakahiya pa ding ipashoulder sa kanya lahat ng kalandian ko noh! Can’t imagine not doing anything…waah! But looking at the brighter side of things I could concentrate on being a wife & a student. Now I can really take things in strides... I wonder if staying here or staying at home doing nothing would give me a better chance of keeping my sanity. Hmmm?


P.S.
Please pray for my numerous job applications. It has been a while since I sat on the other side of the table and I feel I’ll have difficult time explaining why I quit without waiting for a next offer.

Sinigang Success

It's really not my talent yet to cook Filipino dishes kasi my lola was an excellent cook & my tita
takes after her so I ventured experimenting my favorite dishes from restaurants mostly western dishes and most especially salads. This is the third time I cooked sinigang (my husband's favorite dish) and a first without the guidance of my tita so I was able to do what I wanted to. What made the sinigang more special was that I had to cook it after I finished doing the dishes after dinner last Monday I started at around 9:30 and finished past 12.

That includes the cooling time before I put it inside the ref...whew!I was so drained. Last night
my labor was rewarded after seeing Ryan eat for two people...hehe!That was more than a compliment already. If only I have the energy & time (of course) to prepare dishes like this he'll gain more weight than what he had in no time!

and Ryan's lunchtime saga continues:

I believe it was 2 weeks ago that I barely prepared meals at home which left Ryan "baonless" and "unloved" as his officemates would put it. The following week I was able prepare it na. His subordinates invited him for lunch..."Sir lunch na po tayo!" Ryan replied proudly: " May baon ako mahal ako ng asawa ko eh!" the poor subordinate left sulking about the fact his wife didn't prepare him packed lunch and his superior rubbing it on his face. The next day the same subordinate invited him again this time waving his packed lunch "Sir kain na po tayo may baon din ako mahal ako ng asawa ko eh" Ryan who was unaffected replied "Ah ganon ba? Mas mahal ako ng asawa ko kse andyan sya ngayon sabay kme maglulunch" Hehehe...tsk tsk!Kala pa naman nya nakabawi na sya little did he know we were having a lunch out that day...wala tlga syang laban sa magaling kong asawa...hehehe! This sounds like a wala-ka-sa-lolo-ko story noh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there's nothing interesting with my life lately that I can broadcast about...but who knows, if there's any development with what's keeping me busy other than what you already know of
then I might be blogging about it soon.

Darna becomes Narda

New flash! I'm NOT busy! I'm enjoying every minute of life's small strides as opposed to my usual double skip & run pace!

I'm in a better mood and I think clearer...=) I was able to clean up my table in the office!! Dirt was already settling (good thing wala pang 5S Audit).

This morning I was able to cook breakfast for everybody (my cousin, brother, sister in law, aunt & of course hubby & me) and I was able to prepare our packed lunch. Ryan's officemates were teasing him that his wife doesn't love him anymore because he has no more baons. They have a hypothesis na love ka ng wife mo if she sends you baon everyday and based on experience I suppose – it doesn’t last that long, nagsasawa din si misis magayos ng pabaon. They started noticing and teasing Ryan when he was frequently joining them for lunch outs ...Though I normally don't care what other people say about me I am bothered by the fact that my hectic schedule did not allow me to take care of my husband the way I used to. To add to the list I was able to blow-dry my hair (na bagong gupit!). At the cab on the way to the office I was able to apply some make-up na na normally after lunch ko na nagagawa sa kakamadali.......

Last night, we hanged out at Coffee Beans with one of our friends just chatting; which Ry & I continued in such high spirits at home. Yung tipong kwentuhan about anything under the sun without having to worry about anything. It suddenly hit me that I was like this before especially nung di pa kme mag-asawa...so I asked him: "Miss mo na ba na ganito ako" then he said "Oo kse kaya nga I married you kse you were so fun to be with eh ngayon lagi ako natutulog magisa at walang ka-hug" although he said afterwards that he was just teasing me and he's okay with it he even added "dati kse all you talk about is kailangan ko pa mag-aral..." (then I would sleep late kaya wala syang ka-hug).

Hayy naku what did I do to myself? Life is so much fun like this? Kse naman hirap ng tri-sem eh! Or do I just really feel it because I'm done with my major tasks na rin sa office? Whatever it is I love my schedule how can I make it more like this without giving up the things that I want to achieve? Oh well no room for serious thoughts muna...basta this week and hopefully for a longer time before I go back to school I am not a "wonder woman" trying to do everything at the same time...I'm just an ordinary girl!

hangover on weddings

I'm currently taking up 2 subjects in my masteral degree and I just realized that both of my concept paper (intergration of what we learned from the subject and application to the Philippine setting) touches on the topic of marriage...talk about hang-over!

See previous post for an excerpt of my paper on the subject - Gender, Sexuality and Culture. Warning: contains very bold, scandalous & sensitive observations and discussions most of you won't even imagine I can dare say (especially my h.s & college friends...hehehe!).

Living with a Past: Women with Previous Sexual Relations

An excerpt of my concept paper in one of my subjects:

Read at your own risk...medyo sensitive and just talking about such topic makes me a deviant of our so-called "norms" -- hehe!

Modernization of the Philippines may have changed our moral values in so many ways but it is still undeniable that when it comes to women’s virginity one’s stand remains the same – it should be saved for marriage. A study conducted by Villa & Jalandoni (1986), showed that non-virginity is accepted and encouraged in men, while virginity in women is preferred. Perhaps what modernization has done was change how such norm is being carried out or expressed. While men would say that it does not matter if the woman they are marrying is no longer a virgin; treatment or their attitude towards it when in such a relationship could be otherwise (Balmeo & Sarmiento, 2002). While women say that they would only give up their virginity when they get married; informal surveys would prove otherwise as well.

If this is what’s actually happening then what goes in the mind of women who have given up their virginity? How soon and how well do men accept the fact that they are not the first man in the life of their girlfriend or wife? Is the burden of guilt for deviating from society’s expectation still weighed on women’s shoulders? Or does she care less about what society dictates and simply follow her own desires?

People in the Western culture are more broad-minded and liberal when it comes to attitudes and views about pre-marital sex (Escolar et.al., 2000) and compared to our conservative minds virginity is not much of their concern. In reference to Belen (1989) during the time their research in Metro Manila was done, female college students indicated that 30 percent of them were no longer a virgin, and a high percentage of that number became pregnant, failed in their studies, abandoned by their parents, or pursued a life of shame. Emphasizing that women who have lost their virginity fear for living such a life. Not because they have gotten away with it without being pregnant or nobody in her family knew about she has been devirginized means that they are not living the shadow of our culture’s pressure.

Norms that we live by is best explained through the social roles that we were brought up to. People conform to gender-appropriate behavior in part because others expect them to do so. Other people can deliver penalties for deviation from gender roles and rewards for role-congruent behaviors (Eagly et.al. ). Research on this subject is focused on social role of being reserved and a virgin as prescribed by our society and the penalties women serve deviating from it.

blah...blah....blah....

that "hurt" feeling

We watched ms. congeniality 2 last Saturday and had a hearty dinner at Sakura. We're celebrating over something and besides sa sobrang busy namin lately ngayon lng kme nag-official date.

I had a hangover after the movie. Agent Gracie Hart (played by my favorite actress Sandra Bullock) was so heartbroken that she felt compelled to accept a job she never would have done if she's on her right senses. There are several moments in the movie that you could really feel that she's hurt and lonely but she built a facade so that no one would notice it. To such point
that she completely was a changed person. Although the change was for better it was not her pa din.

It made me all sentimental. (Weird as it may sound) I felt that I miss feeling hurt. It was something that I used to thrive in. "Heartbroken" felt like the only problem in the world to me. Sleepless nights, swollen eyes and of course all my melodramatic poems, short stories & novels that never ended. I was hopeless than a hopeless romantic.

I was like this half my HS years and my entire college years..so pathetic when I think of it now. Almost six years? To get over my hurt feelings (I will never be loved..I'm not pretty enough..I will never get married..rantings) I had to go across the world and literally tell myself to grow up and get over it. I did. There are so many unanswered questions but I promised I will love myself first and stop obssessing on being "in love".

It was actually before we left for Oman (somewhere in Middle East where my dad is working) that I met Ryan. I had a problem with my internet that night ka-chat ko pa naman ang isa sa 100 crushes ko..hehe! Anyways, ang weird pero of all the guys I talked to he never hit on me right away kahit most guys fall for my voice on the phone (believe me that is not self-esteem
boosting kse naman ano mapapala ng isang tao sa magandang boses). Nevertheless we had a nice long chat after he assisted me in fixing my internet connection. (He was working at our ISP).

So after the trip to Oman super refreshed na ako and I told my self not to get involved na muna. Blame it on the M.U's and my unrequited "admiration" to a particular guy. (haha!admiration na lng ngayon kse alam ko na ang meaning ng L.O.V.E!!) To my surprise naputol ang internet ko dahil di nabayaran when we were away. Then I called our ISP to ask if I can at least
send lng an email to my dad to tell him we arrived safely. Can you imagine? Si Ryan na naman ang nakausap ko..we both remembered na we talked na before tapos may pa-bola bola pa ang mokong na since malakas daw ako sa kanya i-coconnect nya ako ulit. (Un pala nung kme na pwede naman palang temporary connection with a promise to pay)

In short, (kse pag sinama ko ang love story namin dito nobela na naman or should I say mas nobela kesa dito) when I met Ryan I forgot how it felt to be hurt. He introduced a feeling far more greater than my bisyo of "hurting myself" (yes, sometimes kahit di na dapat dahil sa kagagahan ko I hurt myself in the process) or staying hurt. Although feeling hurt was not at all
bad. Feeling ko I had high grades in college kse pag inis na inis ako binubuhos ko sa pag-aaral..gusto ko pang mag-excel lalo para ipamukha sa ...hmp!never mind. I got into music and had fruitful recreations...(Sooo like Gracie Hart!) and you feel so important kse baby ka ng friends mo!(hahaha!inenjoy!) Plus ang hilig ko kumain...I can finish a whole pint of
ice cream in one sitting + other food. Kakaiba ako ma-depress.hehe!

Not because I missed feeling hurt means I would want to feel it again. No way jose! Friends naman kme ni..although friends naman talaga kme before. I still get the motivation to excel and do well in my studies only this time positive na...inspired na ako!Napaka-supportive yata ng asawa ko..actually kahit BF ko pa lng sya nun he was so supportive in my studies and whatever I want to pursue. Most of all super sarap ng ganito ka-happy & ganito ka-inlove!! Perhaps that "hurt" feeling just taught me a lot of things I never would have known if all things are great in my life and it especially made me realize and value what I have with Ryan. =) We both had our own share of hurt feelings and maybe one could say that because of that we do not hold back on showing how we love each other or take care of each other.

All those hurt feelings paid well in the end.....kahit dati it felt like the end of the world.

my brother's room

Sleepless nights are back! Rushing the outline of 2 articles which will be discussed tonight...dapat nga 3 articles dahil may utang pa ako last meeting namin..hehe!

Anyways sideways been toiling over this for the past days and last Wednesday I studied at the living room. Ryan was trying to keep me company even if he was feeling so dizzy already. So I urged him to go to sleep and not wait for me anymore..then when I finally decided I had enough I went upstairs to our room and saw Ryan sound asleep and a note by the lamp of our bed saying:
"Hi mahal!See you tomorrow! Good night! I love you-->(smiley pa itong letter
"u")! Please hug me tight..."

Aawww that really really really melted my heart. I'm used to Ryan being so
sweet and all but receiving a simple but sweet nothings from him unexpectedly, eased
up my very tired brain. Of course I gave him that tight hug he's requesting (not that he needed to) + a grateful kiss which he did not know of anymore.

Then, last night, I had to type the outline so I used my brother's PC. I was in his room and I asked Ryan to link the laptop to it because I had a partial outline there already. After that, Ryan did not leave my side anymore..again hours later I told him to go ahead and sleep already. He did not transfer which was a big help because I had a feeling if he left me I won't finish any work having a very enticing bed by my side. Hehe...Around 12:00 AM I had no energy to think nor type I laid down beside Ryan and slept a little...since I was in a new environment di naman ako nahimbing sa pagtulog add to the fact that Ryan almost occupied the space of the bed (hehe!). I was up by 2:30 am..slept again and woke up around 4:30 to continue my work.

Over breakfast, Ryan & I shared the same opinion Reu's room was very comfy..even if it was smaller than our room since wala sya sa roadside -- hindi maingay at maalikabok! Plus yung sun pa not glaring sa face mo paggising..haay! Ryan & I both agreed that we want the room minus all my late grandfather's stuff cluttered in it. Habang wala si Reu (he's in Biñan) we're planning of sleeping there...hehe!As long as all the sheets are new! So tonight I will change it para dun kme matulog. We're just worried if we ask Reu for a trade he will agree only if we leave our TV set in the room. aba aba! The only thing that’s holding me back are the loads of stuff in my brother’s room. Something not visible sa room namin since we cleaned before the wedding for months!!Truck truck yata ng basura anag naitapon namin!Inclulding 3 old tv sets. I’m from a family of hoarders…lola ko fabrics (as in retaso ha!when she was alive she creates so many pretty things from it like jewelry boxes), lolo ko documents and clippings…grabe! Yun lng! Kaya as much as possible si “tapon na ito” girl ako…

a little of everything

I had a great holy week! It was very relaxing and Ryan & I seemed to have renewed our faith. We especially enjoyed the bisita iglesia (a Catholic tradition of visiting 7 or 13 churches). We remember how we failed to do this last year because there was no public transportation available anymore that's why we prayed the rosary at Sacred Heart took a cab home and that's it. This time we planned the churches we will visit so maganda ang flow. We recited the way of the cross and divided it to the different churches we visited. We also thought that it would be nice to surrender all our problems to him and a good time to let God know how thankful we are for the blessings He countinously showers us. We started at Sta. Ana church the closest church to our house. Una nahihiya pa si Ryan pag nag-gegenoflect kasi nobody else is doing it pero wala syang choice genoflect pa din kme. He commented that the church was rather gloomy but I learned from my tita & an officemate that the altar of repose (which is very beautiful & uniquely decorated every year was at the garden & not inside the church..hehe!) Pagdating namin sa second church - Paco Manila I told him that our way of the cross is different from the stations in the church and I saw the prayer book na gamit ng iba, ours was really different...we searched for a religous store selling prayer books pero wala. When we reached Ermita church we saw a lady sellling a pamphlet of Way of the Cross so buy naman kme...aba iba pa din ang mga Way of the Cross ng Ermita...later on we figured na ang Ermita church lang ang kakaiba & of course our prayer book. Hehe...Intramuros was so full of life as in puno ng vendors ang sidewalk and San Agustin church was really really packed..you can practically smell the people surrounding you as you enter. Grand finale namin was Nuestra de Señora de Gracia (Guadalupe) this is where we got married and we were not disappointed...they had this "burn your petition thing" and wala akong masabi ang ganda ng ayos nila sa church. Syempre reminisce reminisce kme ni Ryan and may sense of belongingness...naks!

*******

Prior to our activity...I prepared taco's at home...merienda namin before we left. After the bisita iglesia, hinabol pa ni Ryan before 12 AM because he knows abstinence na ng Friday...hehe!


We were listening to the collection of homily of Fr. Bob of Greenbelt and tlga naman he's still has this effect on us feeling namin nagretreat kme at home.

We went home to Biñan on Saturday after my meeting with our client who's getting married on April at nag-shopping galore kme ng SM shoesesses (hehe!dami eh) cheap lng kse I wonder lng how long it will last....hmmm.

Nagpareflexologist din kme pagdating sa Biñan because I think I hurt myself sa paglalakad namin nung Thurs and because of this we weren't able to hear easter vigil mass. The next day na lng kme nagsimba...Same night I wasn't feeling well. I had slight fever already.

**********

I wouldn't want to show myself to all our neighbors and relatives (father side) kse naman the question of "ano may laman na ba?" (sabay turo sa tyan) is starting to bug me already. I told my mom nga na maglalagay na lng ako ng signage sa labas para di na ako paulit ulit sa mga tao. hmp!

**********

Pillows

Have you tried oishi pillows? Laging out of stock sa grocery noh? Kaya nung magka-stock sa Pure Gold panic buying ako...hehehe!I'm addicted to it..actually yung mga bagong labas nila ngayon mas konti na ang chocolate.

And more on pillows

Ryan wants to throw away our pillows kse we he came home late nung Sunday (he had to work & I had to sleep kse I really had fever na) I hugged him daw (in my deep slumber) then when I realized that there's a pillow in between us I retracted my arm and hugged the pillow instead...hehehe!

**********

Back to work on Tuesday

I had to spend another day at home to fully recover from my viral infection (a.k.a. tonsilitis) plus an extended vacation with nothing to worry will do me good..physically, emotionally & mentally.

My sched this week

Sunday: a very eventful day for Ryan and me <will post about it soon>, the night before (Saturday) my grandfather's brother was cremated so I practically haven't recovered from lack of sleep last week

Monday: Conduct interviewssss at work, exam at school that night (which I wasn't able to study that well) huhuhu.

Tuesday: overflow of applicants for interview as in the afternoon we interviewed 7 or 8 applicants. 4 out of 8 yata super daldal or mabagal magsalita kya the interview dragged until 7PM.

Went home early hoping to start my report for Friday (92 pages lng naman na article-que horror!) that we have to read & outline...but since I had a meeting Wed AM with our client I prioritized organizing all the things I will give to her over my report. Knock out na ako after so obviously I wasn't able to study again.

Wednesday: AM meeting with our client at Mla.Pen. Ang magaling na AE! late ng 1 hr. so there halfday na nga ako late pa ako...hmp! after office pre-production meeting for the wedding of our client this Sat & other matters about our coordination business

Thursday: Catching up with other office works na natambak because of the non-stop interviews & deliberation of interview results. After office went out with Abie to buy back-up uniform for Saturday wedding just in case our custom made uniforms wont fit. Ay it's so pretty...ini-spoiled pa ako ni Ryan and urged me to buy the other poncho which he wants me to wear if we go out on a date...yey! Slept last night at 11PM kse ngayon ko pa lng nasimulan report ko for Friday!!gosh! Woke up at 3AM to continue...sobrang di kinaya ng powers feel asleep 5:30AM and woke up again ng 6:30 to take a bath

Friday: Ayan na year end reports dito sa office sinimulan ko na...I have to leave the office before lunch. Advising namin ngayon sa school (a requirement for enrollment) and I have to finsh my report sa for my class tonight...gudluck sa akin!

Saturday: I have to wake up early as in we have to be at the bride's hotel before 7am.

Sunday: I have to review for a test on monday

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Okay let's not talk about my sched next week. It may ba a long vacation for most of you and I don't think I can say the same...... =( Ryan's sched is pretty tight too he has work on Black Saturday & Easter Sunday. Plus a social obligation kse baptism ng son ng bestfriend nya. Nevertheless we won't forget our obligations to God so WE WILL TAKE A BREAK & REPENT! I'm afraid lng that Ryan will say punta tayo sa Pampanga kse I want to go home to Biñan too...magkabilang dulo ng mundo. Ayoko nang magpagod dito na lng kme sa Makati. =(

temporarily out of service

no blogs this week
except for this one....
I can't believe that I almost published 2 entries already (on separate occasions) but failed to do so after attempting to copy paste all of it to notepad, it got deleted here. sheesh!

I've been scribbling blog entries on my notebook, typed it and failed to post it because of the mishap. Kaasar!

Anywayzz, I feel like I'm Wonder Woman once again juggling recruitment & payroll at the office(as in tambak to the nth power), 2 concept papers, a test & a report at school, badminton game with Ryan and other friends, so many things I have to attend to at home, our new clients for our coordination business...all in one week. Oh well at least I get to sleep unlike our engineers here..(special mention to gloi!buddy!hello!matulog naman kayo kahit konti...)

So there. Had to squeeze this entry during lunch break and hoping I won't delete it this time.

picket fences & coffee tables

One of the things I love most about being married is -- having a social life again. Before, my world evolved at work, Ryan and my family. I can't stay out too late for gimiks since Ryan will wait for me to take me home at Makati then he will go back to his boarding house in...drum roll please! Kamuning Quezon City!Added to the fact that I really love spending time and I'd rather go out with him, I am friends with people who have no social life as well. Ay sus!

Nowadays my so-called social life consists of meeting (not EB's anymore) my married friends (who we met while preparing for our wedding), sports activities (hehe..feeling active) and going out with my old friends. I can do all this plus go to school, stay late in the office, late night dates because Ryan and I live in the same house anyway. (yey!to the max!)

Feeling so stressed out about "my beastfriend" here I thought I needed a break. Luckily, Ryan is in a company where his officemates have very active social lives too. In short, I can go out as often as he does without me feeling guilty that he's either at the office or at home waiting for me and missing me.

Last night I went out with Grace while Ryan had dinner with his officemates c/o their generous company president.

Grace is our neighbor in Biñan. She literally leaves next door. She & Elaine (another neighbor) just graduated and got employed at banks here at Makati CBD. (Yes they are 5 years younger than me) I lost touch with them when I graduated from HS because I rarely go home to Biñan. The only time we see each other is every New Year as part of our tradition and this year I missed it since I have in-laws to spend holidays with. (soo cool!)

Grace and I had a nice LONG chat yesterday at none other than the ultimate-coffee-shop-meeting-place -- Starbucks. We also invited Elaine but just like the good old days when Elaine was too afraid of her lola or too lazy to cross the street to go to our houses she did not make it last night. Oh we're used to it!

Grace and I were inseparable. We spend every after school together just to chat..despite our age gap ha. We talk in the garage, by the fence, sa kitchen, sa room, sa sidecar name it kahit yata i-hang pa kme sa puno basta functional ang bibig kwentuhan galore pa din! =) Though the most memorable and most frequent would be over the fences. We love the history and retold it 3 times last night for Ryan and Jason's (her bf) sake. The fences between our houses have evolved from kawayan, kahoy, hollow blocks and wall. With every change Grace and I found means of chatting…our favorite? Grace will be sitting at their kitchen sink while I sit on the doghouse. You can just imagine how we look like back then.

And last night when we found ourselves sitting at Starbucks-- sipping coffee and devouring croissants over our life stories all dressed up, we're both wearing mascaras and lipsticks. So much has changed from picket fences to coffee tables, pajamas to business attires...but we're still good friends and we still enjoy each other's company. I smile at the thought of having such treasures..I just love it when I remember who I am that my friends have love so much especially when I'm being too hard on myself. Last night was a great night. And of course, just like before mas sumasarap ang kwentuhan kapag bye-bye time na. Poor Ryan & Jason!

Shut up!

I’m really really at the verge of throwing something at her face if she doesn't stop. I feel that i haven't done anything wrong to piss her off or make her treat me like this.
She is soooo irritating but i have nobody to vent this to because after the betrayal I’m not so sure if people around me are friends or foes. I’m not usually this paranoid actually I’m the exact opposite…i trust easily and open up easily. So silence is really driving me crazy. She is driving me crazy.
I don't want to burden Ryan of my petty problems besides I can almost hear the same words he tells me everytime i vent about her. "Pabayaan mo na inggit lng yan" Inggit or not I think I deserve a fair treatment.
I am nice to her difficult as it is. She left me no choice but to bottle up my anger because before the situation worsened I tried confronting her but she does not want to talk things out. Please lng ha! I was the one who caught her in the act of bad-mouthing me to another girl. I said my piece about that and put it all behind me but she did not change....
Now she does not make efforts to get along with me instead she creates walls and grab every chance she has to stab me (front, back and sides!) Everyday when we talk her claws are showing.
Sometimes it's really hard to pretend something does not exist when it's right in front you!

loathe

one has to leave
it could be you or me
everyday i pray
everytime we clash
i want it to stop
i want to scream -- aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!
i want comfort that i'll never have to hold back again

sometimes i could just look at you
and imagine strangling you
i need to be free
redeemed from the negative energy you give me
because tomorrow i just might

nobody can change you
you're a hopeless rut
sometimes i pity you you're not lucky in life nor in love
but with that attitude maybe its what you deserve

i tried so many times to ignore you
forgive you for the things you are not aware you do
but you do it on purpose even if i try to be nice to you

but i'd rather be here than there
in the company of true friends
in the security of a loving husbandwith a life you so envy of… haha!

but i still loathe you and one has to leave

my study corner

I got the adrenaline rush this morning...i know i have to go to my tita's clinic for my broken tooth but since she left already i slept for a few more hours..(obviously hindi pa yan yung rush that i'm talking about!)i am so sleepy that i wasn't even able to prepare breakfast for my hubby who was so eager to go to his badminton game. (tsk tsk bad wife)

well with everybody gone uum...almost except for my brother and manang alma our househelp i thought that i'll just delay my trip to the dentist and derma to fix the room. as in even if we clean it everyday (which we don't) it's just sooo dusty dahil roadside sya. anyway, i was able to convince my brother to go to the derma with me (blame it on our genes) even if his hs classmate is coming over. He also made plans of cleaning his room that’s why when i noticed that he's starting with his Saturday habit (tv,eat,tv,internet,eat,tv,internet) i pulled him away from the tv immediately(mahirap na magsisimula na naman ang mokong). It turned out that we were soo energentic to clean our own rooms – “mega-makeovers”. He had too many tables he wanted to dispose. I decided to get one, move our bed a little and place the table beside my side of the bed.

I am so pleased and excited with my accomplishment!=) It fits perfectly! It's beside the window and the level of the bed is perfect to sit on…and our room is still spacious. When Ryan walked in and saw the table he excitedly said.."wow!may laruan na ako!" "excuse me?!" I said..."laruan..dyan ako maglalaro ng games sa laptop..”

Oh great!...i won't be surprised if i find my self studying at the dining table again…huhu.

uso pa ba ang harana? (a tribute to my bestfriend)

Auie is my super dooper bestfriend in the entire universe. I had to emphasize it because way back in college i had plenty of bestfriends that one of my friends pointed out if they are all my best friends eh di hindi na "best" friend yun kse ang dami nila. So I resorted to classifying them: neighborhood, elementary, hs, college etc. Anyways sideways,Auie is so so far away in the desert but I have her best interest at heart specially on the man who she will love. When Ryan was still courting me Auie was his bestfriend too...naks!pogi points di ba? Kaya tuwang-tuwa si Auie kay Ryan kse of all the guys na "naki-pag bestfriend" sa kanya si Ryan was the most sincere. Yihaa!

Since Auie had a very active love life (?) back in college super kilalang-kilala ko ang lahat ng lalaki sa buhay nya...hehe! She had her heart broken by these (ho-hum) guys (peace best!) and super involved ako sa kanila but I don't meddle ha..even the guys come to me. So it's a new thing for me that I'm not that involved anymore with her lovelife and I really really want to meet the guy who I pray will be "the One" this time. Just like how she and Ryan was before I married Ryan...

To my delight (so far at dapat consistent) he's been treating Auie very well and I am so happy for Auie when he serenaded her nung valentines day...This is something she deserves because Auie is a great girl and partner. Auie may have been showered with affection by her "ex-es" but nothing like this..to think nasa desert pa sila..hehe joke!(Auie is in Abu Dhabi right now) God willing he will be for real. The guy prayed for her before he courted her ha..o di ba? Go best!Dapat tlga magkatotoo na yung sinabi ni Cid na "one day liligaya din tayong 3 at sabay sabay na tayong mag-cecelebrate at di na iiyak!"

Speaking of Cid I wonder if may progress na ang love life ng mokong? hehehe!

blogging behind your back

After successfully publishing my first blog I felt so victorious over my husband. mwahaha! he scolded me the other night when he saw me blogging instead of studying...hehehe! I know that my only chance was to publish it in the office. I must admit I have very poor study habits, if I don't feel like studying I won't...I’d either be reading a magazine or doing something else except watch TV/movie which I feel would be the biggest sign of abandonment on what I’m supposed to do..hehe! I know ryan means well pero even before the wedding preps I really really wanted to do this already and I guess my birthday + their surprise would really be a good start. as soon as I published it I dialed his number and called him..."na-publish ko na ang blog ko...hahaha!" I can just imagine him shaking his head & smiling because of my stubbornness and just when I was about to put down the phone he asked me.."so how does it work? how do I access your blog?" I was so ecstatic and told him immediately how to access my blog. After I did he told me..."I’m not interested!" that folks is my crazy husband and not unless he starts reading my blog I’ll be blogging behind his back like a sinister....mwahaha!

dowa - the lunatic wife of a crazy husband