Living with a Past: Women with Previous Sexual Relations

An excerpt of my concept paper in one of my subjects:

Read at your own risk...medyo sensitive and just talking about such topic makes me a deviant of our so-called "norms" -- hehe!

Modernization of the Philippines may have changed our moral values in so many ways but it is still undeniable that when it comes to women’s virginity one’s stand remains the same – it should be saved for marriage. A study conducted by Villa & Jalandoni (1986), showed that non-virginity is accepted and encouraged in men, while virginity in women is preferred. Perhaps what modernization has done was change how such norm is being carried out or expressed. While men would say that it does not matter if the woman they are marrying is no longer a virgin; treatment or their attitude towards it when in such a relationship could be otherwise (Balmeo & Sarmiento, 2002). While women say that they would only give up their virginity when they get married; informal surveys would prove otherwise as well.

If this is what’s actually happening then what goes in the mind of women who have given up their virginity? How soon and how well do men accept the fact that they are not the first man in the life of their girlfriend or wife? Is the burden of guilt for deviating from society’s expectation still weighed on women’s shoulders? Or does she care less about what society dictates and simply follow her own desires?

People in the Western culture are more broad-minded and liberal when it comes to attitudes and views about pre-marital sex (Escolar et.al., 2000) and compared to our conservative minds virginity is not much of their concern. In reference to Belen (1989) during the time their research in Metro Manila was done, female college students indicated that 30 percent of them were no longer a virgin, and a high percentage of that number became pregnant, failed in their studies, abandoned by their parents, or pursued a life of shame. Emphasizing that women who have lost their virginity fear for living such a life. Not because they have gotten away with it without being pregnant or nobody in her family knew about she has been devirginized means that they are not living the shadow of our culture’s pressure.

Norms that we live by is best explained through the social roles that we were brought up to. People conform to gender-appropriate behavior in part because others expect them to do so. Other people can deliver penalties for deviation from gender roles and rewards for role-congruent behaviors (Eagly et.al. ). Research on this subject is focused on social role of being reserved and a virgin as prescribed by our society and the penalties women serve deviating from it.

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