Apr 27, 2005

Sinigang Success

It's really not my talent yet to cook Filipino dishes kasi my lola was an excellent cook & my tita
takes after her so I ventured experimenting my favorite dishes from restaurants mostly western dishes and most especially salads. This is the third time I cooked sinigang (my husband's favorite dish) and a first without the guidance of my tita so I was able to do what I wanted to. What made the sinigang more special was that I had to cook it after I finished doing the dishes after dinner last Monday I started at around 9:30 and finished past 12.

That includes the cooling time before I put it inside the ref...whew!I was so drained. Last night
my labor was rewarded after seeing Ryan eat for two people...hehe!That was more than a compliment already. If only I have the energy & time (of course) to prepare dishes like this he'll gain more weight than what he had in no time!

and Ryan's lunchtime saga continues:

I believe it was 2 weeks ago that I barely prepared meals at home which left Ryan "baonless" and "unloved" as his officemates would put it. The following week I was able prepare it na. His subordinates invited him for lunch..."Sir lunch na po tayo!" Ryan replied proudly: " May baon ako mahal ako ng asawa ko eh!" the poor subordinate left sulking about the fact his wife didn't prepare him packed lunch and his superior rubbing it on his face. The next day the same subordinate invited him again this time waving his packed lunch "Sir kain na po tayo may baon din ako mahal ako ng asawa ko eh" Ryan who was unaffected replied "Ah ganon ba? Mas mahal ako ng asawa ko kse andyan sya ngayon sabay kme maglulunch" Hehehe...tsk tsk!Kala pa naman nya nakabawi na sya little did he know we were having a lunch out that day...wala tlga syang laban sa magaling kong asawa...hehehe! This sounds like a wala-ka-sa-lolo-ko story noh?


there's nothing interesting with my life lately that I can broadcast about...but who knows, if there's any development with what's keeping me busy other than what you already know of
then I might be blogging about it soon.

Apr 19, 2005

Darna becomes Narda

New flash! I'm NOT busy! I'm enjoying every minute of life's small strides as opposed to my usual double skip & run pace!

I'm in a better mood and I think clearer...=) I was able to clean up my table in the office!! Dirt was already settling (good thing wala pang 5S Audit).

This morning I was able to cook breakfast for everybody (my cousin, brother, sister in law, aunt & of course hubby & me) and I was able to prepare our packed lunch. Ryan's officemates were teasing him that his wife doesn't love him anymore because he has no more baons. They have a hypothesis na love ka ng wife mo if she sends you baon everyday and based on experience I suppose – it doesn’t last that long, nagsasawa din si misis magayos ng pabaon. They started noticing and teasing Ryan when he was frequently joining them for lunch outs ...Though I normally don't care what other people say about me I am bothered by the fact that my hectic schedule did not allow me to take care of my husband the way I used to. To add to the list I was able to blow-dry my hair (na bagong gupit!). At the cab on the way to the office I was able to apply some make-up na na normally after lunch ko na nagagawa sa kakamadali.......

Last night, we hanged out at Coffee Beans with one of our friends just chatting; which Ry & I continued in such high spirits at home. Yung tipong kwentuhan about anything under the sun without having to worry about anything. It suddenly hit me that I was like this before especially nung di pa kme mag-asawa...so I asked him: "Miss mo na ba na ganito ako" then he said "Oo kse kaya nga I married you kse you were so fun to be with eh ngayon lagi ako natutulog magisa at walang ka-hug" although he said afterwards that he was just teasing me and he's okay with it he even added "dati kse all you talk about is kailangan ko pa mag-aral..." (then I would sleep late kaya wala syang ka-hug).

Hayy naku what did I do to myself? Life is so much fun like this? Kse naman hirap ng tri-sem eh! Or do I just really feel it because I'm done with my major tasks na rin sa office? Whatever it is I love my schedule how can I make it more like this without giving up the things that I want to achieve? Oh well no room for serious thoughts muna...basta this week and hopefully for a longer time before I go back to school I am not a "wonder woman" trying to do everything at the same time...I'm just an ordinary girl!

Apr 9, 2005

hangover on weddings

I'm currently taking up 2 subjects in my masteral degree and I just realized that both of my concept paper (intergration of what we learned from the subject and application to the Philippine setting) touches on the topic of marriage...talk about hang-over!

See previous post for an excerpt of my paper on the subject - Gender, Sexuality and Culture. Warning: contains very bold, scandalous & sensitive observations and discussions most of you won't even imagine I can dare say (especially my h.s & college friends...hehehe!).

Living with a Past: Women with Previous Sexual Relations

An excerpt of my concept paper in one of my subjects:

Read at your own risk...medyo sensitive and just talking about such topic makes me a deviant of our so-called "norms" -- hehe!

Modernization of the Philippines may have changed our moral values in so many ways but it is still undeniable that when it comes to women’s virginity one’s stand remains the same – it should be saved for marriage. A study conducted by Villa & Jalandoni (1986), showed that non-virginity is accepted and encouraged in men, while virginity in women is preferred. Perhaps what modernization has done was change how such norm is being carried out or expressed. While men would say that it does not matter if the woman they are marrying is no longer a virgin; treatment or their attitude towards it when in such a relationship could be otherwise (Balmeo & Sarmiento, 2002). While women say that they would only give up their virginity when they get married; informal surveys would prove otherwise as well.

If this is what’s actually happening then what goes in the mind of women who have given up their virginity? How soon and how well do men accept the fact that they are not the first man in the life of their girlfriend or wife? Is the burden of guilt for deviating from society’s expectation still weighed on women’s shoulders? Or does she care less about what society dictates and simply follow her own desires?

People in the Western culture are more broad-minded and liberal when it comes to attitudes and views about pre-marital sex (Escolar et.al., 2000) and compared to our conservative minds virginity is not much of their concern. In reference to Belen (1989) during the time their research in Metro Manila was done, female college students indicated that 30 percent of them were no longer a virgin, and a high percentage of that number became pregnant, failed in their studies, abandoned by their parents, or pursued a life of shame. Emphasizing that women who have lost their virginity fear for living such a life. Not because they have gotten away with it without being pregnant or nobody in her family knew about she has been devirginized means that they are not living the shadow of our culture’s pressure.

Norms that we live by is best explained through the social roles that we were brought up to. People conform to gender-appropriate behavior in part because others expect them to do so. Other people can deliver penalties for deviation from gender roles and rewards for role-congruent behaviors (Eagly et.al. ). Research on this subject is focused on social role of being reserved and a virgin as prescribed by our society and the penalties women serve deviating from it.


Apr 4, 2005

that "hurt" feeling

We watched ms. congeniality 2 last Saturday and had a hearty dinner at Sakura. We're celebrating over something and besides sa sobrang busy namin lately ngayon lng kme nag-official date.

I had a hangover after the movie. Agent Gracie Hart (played by my favorite actress Sandra Bullock) was so heartbroken that she felt compelled to accept a job she never would have done if she's on her right senses. There are several moments in the movie that you could really feel that she's hurt and lonely but she built a facade so that no one would notice it. To such point
that she completely was a changed person. Although the change was for better it was not her pa din.

It made me all sentimental. (Weird as it may sound) I felt that I miss feeling hurt. It was something that I used to thrive in. "Heartbroken" felt like the only problem in the world to me. Sleepless nights, swollen eyes and of course all my melodramatic poems, short stories & novels that never ended. I was hopeless than a hopeless romantic.

I was like this half my HS years and my entire college years..so pathetic when I think of it now. Almost six years? To get over my hurt feelings (I will never be loved..I'm not pretty enough..I will never get married..rantings) I had to go across the world and literally tell myself to grow up and get over it. I did. There are so many unanswered questions but I promised I will love myself first and stop obssessing on being "in love".

It was actually before we left for Oman (somewhere in Middle East where my dad is working) that I met Ryan. I had a problem with my internet that night ka-chat ko pa naman ang isa sa 100 crushes ko..hehe! Anyways, ang weird pero of all the guys I talked to he never hit on me right away kahit most guys fall for my voice on the phone (believe me that is not self-esteem
boosting kse naman ano mapapala ng isang tao sa magandang boses). Nevertheless we had a nice long chat after he assisted me in fixing my internet connection. (He was working at our ISP).

So after the trip to Oman super refreshed na ako and I told my self not to get involved na muna. Blame it on the M.U's and my unrequited "admiration" to a particular guy. (haha!admiration na lng ngayon kse alam ko na ang meaning ng L.O.V.E!!) To my surprise naputol ang internet ko dahil di nabayaran when we were away. Then I called our ISP to ask if I can at least
send lng an email to my dad to tell him we arrived safely. Can you imagine? Si Ryan na naman ang nakausap ko..we both remembered na we talked na before tapos may pa-bola bola pa ang mokong na since malakas daw ako sa kanya i-coconnect nya ako ulit. (Un pala nung kme na pwede naman palang temporary connection with a promise to pay)

In short, (kse pag sinama ko ang love story namin dito nobela na naman or should I say mas nobela kesa dito) when I met Ryan I forgot how it felt to be hurt. He introduced a feeling far more greater than my bisyo of "hurting myself" (yes, sometimes kahit di na dapat dahil sa kagagahan ko I hurt myself in the process) or staying hurt. Although feeling hurt was not at all
bad. Feeling ko I had high grades in college kse pag inis na inis ako binubuhos ko sa pag-aaral..gusto ko pang mag-excel lalo para ipamukha sa ...hmp!never mind. I got into music and had fruitful recreations...(Sooo like Gracie Hart!) and you feel so important kse baby ka ng friends mo!(hahaha!inenjoy!) Plus ang hilig ko kumain...I can finish a whole pint of
ice cream in one sitting + other food. Kakaiba ako ma-depress.hehe!

Not because I missed feeling hurt means I would want to feel it again. No way jose! Friends naman kme ni..although friends naman talaga kme before. I still get the motivation to excel and do well in my studies only this time positive na...inspired na ako!Napaka-supportive yata ng asawa ko..actually kahit BF ko pa lng sya nun he was so supportive in my studies and whatever I want to pursue. Most of all super sarap ng ganito ka-happy & ganito ka-inlove!! Perhaps that "hurt" feeling just taught me a lot of things I never would have known if all things are great in my life and it especially made me realize and value what I have with Ryan. =) We both had our own share of hurt feelings and maybe one could say that because of that we do not hold back on showing how we love each other or take care of each other.

All those hurt feelings paid well in the end.....kahit dati it felt like the end of the world.

Apr 1, 2005

my brother's room

Sleepless nights are back! Rushing the outline of 2 articles which will be discussed tonight...dapat nga 3 articles dahil may utang pa ako last meeting namin..hehe!

Anyways sideways been toiling over this for the past days and last Wednesday I studied at the living room. Ryan was trying to keep me company even if he was feeling so dizzy already. So I urged him to go to sleep and not wait for me anymore..then when I finally decided I had enough I went upstairs to our room and saw Ryan sound asleep and a note by the lamp of our bed saying:
"Hi mahal!See you tomorrow! Good night! I love you-->(smiley pa itong letter
"u")! Please hug me tight..."

Aawww that really really really melted my heart. I'm used to Ryan being so
sweet and all but receiving a simple but sweet nothings from him unexpectedly, eased
up my very tired brain. Of course I gave him that tight hug he's requesting (not that he needed to) + a grateful kiss which he did not know of anymore.

Then, last night, I had to type the outline so I used my brother's PC. I was in his room and I asked Ryan to link the laptop to it because I had a partial outline there already. After that, Ryan did not leave my side anymore..again hours later I told him to go ahead and sleep already. He did not transfer which was a big help because I had a feeling if he left me I won't finish any work having a very enticing bed by my side. Hehe...Around 12:00 AM I had no energy to think nor type I laid down beside Ryan and slept a little...since I was in a new environment di naman ako nahimbing sa pagtulog add to the fact that Ryan almost occupied the space of the bed (hehe!). I was up by 2:30 am..slept again and woke up around 4:30 to continue my work.

Over breakfast, Ryan & I shared the same opinion Reu's room was very comfy..even if it was smaller than our room since wala sya sa roadside -- hindi maingay at maalikabok! Plus yung sun pa not glaring sa face mo paggising..haay! Ryan & I both agreed that we want the room minus all my late grandfather's stuff cluttered in it. Habang wala si Reu (he's in BiƱan) we're planning of sleeping there...hehe!As long as all the sheets are new! So tonight I will change it para dun kme matulog. We're just worried if we ask Reu for a trade he will agree only if we leave our TV set in the room. aba aba! The only thing that’s holding me back are the loads of stuff in my brother’s room. Something not visible sa room namin since we cleaned before the wedding for months!!Truck truck yata ng basura anag naitapon namin!Inclulding 3 old tv sets. I’m from a family of hoarders…lola ko fabrics (as in retaso ha!when she was alive she creates so many pretty things from it like jewelry boxes), lolo ko documents and clippings…grabe! Yun lng! Kaya as much as possible si “tapon na ito” girl ako…