May 31, 2005

Month-ender News

I have resigned!!

And as if the news isn't big enough I’m proud to say that for the first time I did so without securing my next job. Somehow recent events kept me from updating my blog. The entire month of May I was either suffering from extreme stress at work or trying to balance it by having great vacations. In fairness I made so many attempts of composing something but never had the time or strength to finish it.

This May I staged my own EDSA revolt in the office haha!exag lng yun. I held on as long as I could not to mention the unanimous advice of the people around me that it's not practical to resign without job security. I only needed to hear my husband's go signal and nothing else mattered. Sorry friends! I know all people around me mean well and I'm not the type who would give up on something either. In fact it is my commitment to serve and accomplish my job that made it difficult for me to leave.

I handed in 2 resignation letters: a casual one (that is not supposed to go to the 201 file) and a formal one that’s intended for filing. The casual resignation letter was more heartfelt although it may have sounded overly dramatic at that time it was something necessary. An excerpt of it:

I am not resigning to avoid any more conflict with you since I am confident that we both will be able to resolve it eventually but the process is too painstakingly long.

I am not resigning to save my face from my shortcomings & foul ups since I do not deny my wrong doings but I cannot always take the fall for things I did not do nor intended to.

I am not resigning because I’m mad or any feeling relative to that.

The reason why I’m resigning is because I do not like the person that I have become as a result of preceding events. I have become too paranoid which affected my work and behavior in the office fearing-- now, more than ever that-- what I’m working on or doing might be wrong which I would relentlessly hear about. I do not want to wake up one day and lose my confidence and faith in myself altogether. I put you in an unpleasant position and I become less effective than what is expected of me.

I also pondered on these things:

> When people resign it's not always about the money. At a certain point of our life money could be a good motivation but it will not make us happy in the long run. As long as your basic needs are met and a little luxury now and then, then it's essential to keep your eyes open for more important things in life.

> There really is no perfect company or boss. Chances are I'll have a more difficult boss or luckily a better one. Fear of the unknown will not stop me. I'd rather take the 50/50 risk than staying knowing what I have here will not change.

> Nothing is permanent and one should always be flexible to change.

> Go and make a difference in people's lives because in the end who you are to them will be your legacy. I will always be grateful for my true friends at NSP! I hope somehow I have touched their lives.

> Through it all I'm glad to have Ryan by my side whether he's my husband or not because I know even if he weren't my husband yet I could always depend on him.

Once in a while I get pretty anxious. I don't think I can even maintain my vanity rituals or simply having the financial freedom (though I’m not such a big spender). Sigh..Though Ryan always say it’s okay nakakahiya pa ding ipashoulder sa kanya lahat ng kalandian ko noh! Can’t imagine not doing anything…waah! But looking at the brighter side of things I could concentrate on being a wife & a student. Now I can really take things in strides... I wonder if staying here or staying at home doing nothing would give me a better chance of keeping my sanity. Hmmm?

Please pray for my numerous job applications. It has been a while since I sat on the other side of the table and I feel I’ll have difficult time explaining why I quit without waiting for a next offer.


starfish said...

dowa, I salute you!

Mathew Hanger said...

i wish i had your courage... goodluck sa'yo. btw, tumaba ka na sa tingin ko based sa reunion pix. =)

~dowadee~ said...

james!i'll be joining you sooner than you thought =)

resty!feeling ko i was just brave because of ryan and my boss or the "thing" simply exhausted me.

FoXy said...

dowa ... wala akong masabi. its either becoz i'm so shocked by d news or i'm just being over dramatic. hehehe. :D

hay ... gonna miss you talaga girl.

~dowadee~ said...

jan: ako din naman na-shock.hehe!
will miss you a lot too!