Baby's KL Experience

Now that it has been a month since we've settled with our new jobs and new life here in KL I'm glad to be back to blogging. Of course only as often as my work load would allow me.

I immediately saw a doctor (or at least the soonest I can, considering that I had to work for my first weekend and the company outing the next). It was no contest in choosing my new OB-Gynecologist, there were only a few of them holding a clinic on Saturdays on a nearby hospital where we got our place and since this is my first we'd be more comfortable with a female doctor. She was the only female doctor who holds a clinic on Saturdays.

I've been hearing plenty of good feedbacks about the hospital too such as it's the best maternity hospital here in KL. We were not disappointed it was first class even better facilities than Makati Med. Hehehe. Equipments and rooms are all new. So the package for giving birth of around P50,000 normal delivery here is worth it. It already includes my doctors PF according to the hospital. Pricey I know but we feel confident that it will all be worth it for this hospital. =)

As for my doctor, medyo mashunda na sya..hehe. Ang kaba ba naman ni Ryan baka daw matigok bago ako manganak...don't mind him OA lng yun. Indian sya so halos lahat ng pasyente ganun din. Pagpasok namin sa clinic nya grabe!Parang walang naligo sa kanila..wahh!My biggest worry na sabi ko kay Ryan pag ganyan din ang simoy ng hangin ng doctor ayoko na. Buti naman hindi tska mabait naman. Our visit to her was also the first time we saw our baby via ultra sound. Here's the picture:



I never thought it will be such an overwhelming experience! At first the monitor was aly facing Ryan and I wanted to get up and pull the monitor because he was getting all excited and the OB was telling him these are the hands, the arms, the eyes and he was ecstatic because the baby was so active and kept on moving! Until finally I got my turn. Indeed the baby was so malikot...naku nasa tyan pa lng ang likot na! He kept on moving. Ryan told me when they were looking at the baby he turned away from them. But I never thought the experience of actually seeing a proof that indeed a life is forming inside me would be this much! Ryan insisted on coming back or even buying our own ultrasound. Di tlga excited ang daddy to be!Hehehe.

Aside from the frequent throwing up my pregnancy is just fine. Ryan gets to do a lot of house work especially when my morning sickness strikes me at night. Good thing he doesn't complain..(yet!I hope). I guess as long as he's expecting the baby I can make him do whatever I want..except for allowing me to eat potato chips etc. Nyahaha!Not that I'm abusing him or anything ha!hehehe...

By the way thank you all for your well wishes! Sorry but the time we found out we were so busy packing our things going here that I didn't get to thank you all. Especially the surprising visitors who sent me text messages after reading my blog (hehe may nagbabasa pala nito). I didn't even had the chance to say goodbye because we were so busy. After a months time I would say that we're more or less settled and finding our way around here.

If you're linked to my multiply account I usually update it with our recent pictures here in KL so just check it out once in a while. =) Til next time!

First sign

It was Saturday morning and we were scheduled to go home to Pampanga to visit Ryan's family. When I woke up I feel lazier than ever and nauseous that I want to throw-up. Fortunately I did not. I had a strange feeling already and even asked Ryan that I wanted papaya for breakfast. It was almost noon when we left and so as not to take too much time we just ordered a pizza for take-out. I slept most of the way in bus and never felt dizzy (I rarely have motion sickness). When we got of the bus however it was a different story. The world swirled around me and I reached out for the plastic bag Ryan was holding and threw-up. Dinner I hardly ate. Breakfast I felt sick at the sight of pork fat in the afritada and ended up just eating 1 piece of pandesal.

On the way home I was getting nauseous again. So when we got off MRT we decided to pass by Rockwell to have lunch. I wanted to eat nilagang baka so we ate at Dencio's. However I did not enjoy it so I finished only half of my rice. Mwahaha!Ako ba ito? It was only 2:30 pm when we got home so we thought we will sleep first before hearing mass. After the 7:00 PM mass there I was again...very very nauseous and throwing up like forever. I insisted that Ryan buys a pregnancy kit. We were supposed to buy one after the mass but we left our wallets and brought only enough money. While Ryan was out I was sprawled at our bathroom floor feeling weak already from another bout of throwing up. I got up to do the test...

One line appeared...

Then another...



Not conscious of the result Ryan told me "diba pag dalawa yung line positive?" We checked the box to make sure. Indeed a double line means I'm positively pregnant! =D Yey! We read it again and analyzed it pa...but you know I had this feeling since Saturday. A feeling different than just being delayed of my period. We were hugging each other so happy and excited! Suddenly all my dizziness vanished. What worries us was if I'm not pregnant then what was happening to me. Food poison or an allergy, fortunately it was nothing to worry about.

Finally the answer to the relentless questions we've been hearing since we got married. "wala pa ba?" some mean statements pa like -- "wala ang hina naman ni Ryan!" I just haven't complained in this blog but it's a classic annoyance to any newlyweds. But that's another entirely different blog entry. For now we are celebrating so many things and just looking forward to the following days to come!

Tamang pagka-miss

May mga tao na di pa umaalis at nandyan pa lagi sa tabi mo pero miss na miss mo na
...siguro dahil alam mo ilang araw na lang at mawawalay na sya sa iyo

May mga tao na dapat sana namimiss mo pero di bale na lng
...siguro dahil nasaktan ka masyado, di mo inaasahan, di mo maintindihan pa'no kayo naging ganito ngayon

May mga tao na di mo alam na namiss mo kung di pa kayo ulit nagkasama
...siguro madami kang pinagwalang bahala sa relasyon ninyo noon

May mga tao na pwede mo na lng ma-miss
...dahil alam mong sa isip at panaginip mo na lang sila makakasama

Pero ano pa man klase ng pagka-miss alam mo at alam ko na ang mga nakakamiss lang ay ang mga tao na importante sa atin. Kasama mo man sya ngayon. Inasahan mong kasama hanggang ngayon. Di mo na madalas makasama. Di na muling makakasama.

Sana lang importante ka din sa kanila. Sana lang ganun din ang nararamdaman nila.

Ngunit higit sa lahat hindi man kayo pareho ng naiisip o nararamdaman...sana lng alam nila na ganyan sila kahalaga.

Guilt feelings

Have you ever noticed how Filipinos have difficulty saying NO even for their own sake? Not to mention how we feel guilty even if there is nothing to be guilty of after saying NO.

I for one am a victim of not being able to say no. I only realized this recently or rather my Indian classmate in DLSU who's a priest called my attention about it and my other classmates came in to my defense saying it's a gender and cultural thing, it wasn't personal (coz he was starting to get angry that I didn't simply say no to his request and I had to go around explaining it instead). I swear super sama tlga ng loob nya sa akin but he texted me naman the following day to say that he's sorry for the way he reacted blah blah blah. Initially my defense was...okay I forgot what it was because later on that day I realized his point that I should've just clearly said NO. I just had to stress it that it wasn't really personal or anything, it was a natural response that any of us in the group would have said the same thing.

Today, I'm feeling the second one after saying no to a big favor. It involves money kasi and I am prone for trusting people with plenty of money yet suffer in the end. Sobrang suffering umabot pa sa NBI yung isang case ko ng pagtrust...pero di ko lng na-follow through with the court hearings so wala din..gone with the wind din ang drama naming mga victims. Even if I had all the point and the reason in the world to say no why the hell do I feel so bad? Is it my upbringing or is it a cultural phenomenon? I also met several people who have difficulty naman collecting payment from the person who borrowed money, even to some point na sila na yung gipit na gipit nahihiya pa din silang maningil. Nagawa na nila lahat ng pakulo at drama except for approaching the person directly and collect the payment. This is something I'm not guilty of naman kse I rarely have the chance to...hahaha! Either the person disappeared or madami din kami na-victim so kahit anong bitin naming patiwarik sa tao eh wala din. Anyway I like Weng's advise for now the best I could do is pray for that person that he finds other means especially after I turned him down. I guess what makes it more difficult for me is that I know how it feels.

.Com

Out of curiosity I sent an email to the person who posted an opening for Network Administrator in Athens, Greece in my HR egroup. The qualifications fits Ryan very well so I emailed him without Ryan's permission (hehe!last hope to go to Europe dahil di type ni Ryan even if we can afford to daw). The next day he replied asking us to call a number so that's when I told Ryan. It was also mentioned in the email that they will pay $750-800 plus housing. Who knows if the $750 is per day di ba. Ryan called the guy up last night and I was already frowning when I heard him say "Are you sure bio-data po?". I can't hold my laughter anymore when he went on explaining to the other person why it would be beneficial for the employer if he just sends his CV. Yes, that includes detailing the content of a CV.

We were having dinner and the guy texted him an email address where is supposed to send his "bio-data" > nameofperson@somewhere Ryan texted back to make sure (actually to correct tlga) -- "you mean sir nameofperson@somewhere.com?". The guy replied "hindi walang .com" Hala!Di na kme nagdalawang isip we're not sending his CV este "bio-data" nga pala.

What's keeping me from posting

I'm hooked with multiply!

It started when Auie posted some of our Bacolod trip pictures in her multiply account. Naaliw naman ako to find out that it's so easy to upload pictures here and unlimited storage pa unlike my previous sites and easier to manage ha. So ayan every night upload ako nang upload ng mga ka-picturean...lam nyo naman camera shy kami. And it's so timely coz I had the draft layout of our album so I also uploaded it there.

If you have a multiply account add me up click here. There are some pictures I only share within my network.

Mga utang ko na kwento:

-Conclusion of my Compre Saga
-Our Bacolod Trip

In my many months of absence yan na lng naaalala ko ikwento. Hahaha!

Two Days NA LANG

Actually 1.5 days na lng kse naman anong oras na ngayon.
Ayaw akong lubayan ng "katam" ano ba nangyayari sa akin dati naman nung college kahit crunch time may napapala ako pero ngayon...feeling ko learned helplessness na ito.

May pumapasok naman sa utak ko pero pag sinisimulan ko na ang social & emotional development parang gusto ko na lng magpakasal kagaya ng 2 kong classmate kaso naalala ko kasal na nga pala ako kaya di ko pwedeng gawing alibi yun. At ang bait pa ng asawa ko sabi nya ok lng yan kahit di ka pumasa..ayoko nga!

Napaka-weird ko tlga ayaw kong bumagsak pero di ko naman ginagawan ng paraan para wag ako bumagsak. Hehehe. Sabi nga sa cognitive development some children are not yet mature enough to solve problems because they don't create strategies to overcome barriers in reaching their goal because they get pleasure in being able to "wing it". Applicable din pala sa akin yun. Kaso sa katamaran kong ito sure fail ang mangyayari...saan ba nakakabili ng motivation???!!!Ay mali too late for that san ba nakakabili ng himala???



____________
and dami dami ko nang kwentong di nagawa..nagpapanggap kse ako na nagsusunog ng kilay..hehehe!I can't wait to blog again...

If you'll look for me

...I'd be buried undernearth these reading materials for my compre...literally!




Finally the finished product after one hour of collating everything:



ahh...2.5 reams and P500++ worth of copied reading materials for only 2 subjects out of 8. Took these pictures to actually humor myself and internalize that I have less than 3 mos to study these and more. As if I can just laugh it off...

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On a lighter side of life, all the hard work and cramming (an understatement actually) finally pays off!And they say that my prof never gave such grades...hahaha beaming with pride ang lola nyo. Gave myself a pat on the back & got a sweet hug & kiss from Ryan (who was also very happy for me) actually he's wondering if my prof was just the generous type considering the kind of student I am. Ang sweet no?!

Anyway I hope after all of these endless readings and review I can enjoy the same sweet moment after the comps. ALL fingers cross.

Yaiks!!!!!!

Still I can't scream...and actually pointless too so maybe I'll just vent some here.
I wonder if I'll be able to handle it to reach my goal.
Then I ask myself why the hell did I set such goal...grrr?!Well, okay, I just tend to not appreciate it when it becomes hard! What a coward huh?!
This is not a job for Wonder Woman it requires a miracle...no matter how much I try to juggle everything I'm getting panicked, scared and most of all afraid of failure!

Kailangan may himala!

After 5 long years (or so)

From blah

to


I don't want to think about tomorrow after I have taken a bath...arrrgghh!I swear I almost strangled the stylist because I specified that I want a wash and wear do. Sabihan ba naman ako na "ma'am wag nyo na lng po muna basain tomorrow para ma-enjoy nyo muna" Ang husay di ba?!Summer kaya option ba ang wag basain ang ulo pag naligo?Well, at least I can give him credit for the nice, clean, crisp & fresh cut that he gave me.

TikTokTikTok

Hurrraaay!
In a few minutes vacation will officially start!! Buti naman at halfday kme!

These past few weeks I feel I'm part of my family again and a wife to my husband. Last night instead of cooking something quick and easy I cooked sweet & sour fish and kahit sa lack of practice eh hit pa din ang cooking skills ko.Haha! I'm not saying I'm the best or anything but I'm just so happy to prepare something (other than the usual frying I've done lately) and be complemented by my dear husband because if the viand is a flop I'll never hear the end of it from him.

Tapos mega-labandera ang drama ko nung weekend. Last weekend naman although I still have to finish my paper then na-excite na ako at nag-general cleaning ng room & bathroom. (Yes, somehow that explains why I had to cram like that to submit it) I feel sooo accomplished but most of all I had spare time to watch tv and rest.

Haaayyy...I'm enjoying every minute of this kse I'm setting my heart on something big this July!

Bad habit

This is probably my worst…

Deadline for submission of take-home exam 6:00 PM

3:30 AM I tried hard not to fall asleep and concentrate on answering the questions in this very lengthy take-home exam.

3:45 AM I had enough! I noticed I won’t be fininshing this in 30 minutes or so.

3:50 AM woke Ryan up so we could go to our room because he fell asleep in the couch waiting for me.

7:00 AM I was wide awake but in a dazed state. Pwede pala yun. Maybe I was too worried that I haven’t finished my exam yet. Ryan was telling me mag-text ka na leave ka. But no. I can’t. We have scheduled activities that I can’t leave behind. Not keeping track of time I managed to prepare breakfast pa.

9:00 - 11:30 Dutifully did my work but after the orientation I had to tell my boss that I need to go home and sleep. Half-lie...just didn't tell her naman what time I plan to do that.

12:45 PM Rushed to DLSU, had mongolian bbq there for lunch...wrong choice coz I can't eat fast dahil super init. In fairness medyo okay naman ang luto. Kaso natakam din ako sa porkchop...di bale..next time.

1:30 PM Searched the library for an outlet to plug the laptop. Thankts to my dear husband who let me bring the service unit to school. So it began...Synthesize,copy here, copy there. I told myself I should be done by 4:00 but I actually finished it at around 5:15 PM.

5:20 PM Hurried to the computer rentals shop to have my exam printed and because I had to transfer it pa to my memory card nasingitan pa tuloy ako. While I was still transfering the file 3 girls came in but the owner said, "sya muna ha" pointing to me. Di natuwa yung girls (hello ako naman tlga nauna!)they teased the store owner na may crush lang daw sa akin kaya inuna...hahaha!gusto kong matawa pero sige na lng basta mai-print na and I submit it before 6:00.

5:33 PM Yey!I was headed back to DLSU but I remembered that it should be placed in a short brown envelope at tlga namang pumila pa ako ha. The girl ahead of me bought a lot of DLSU t-shirts and kept asking about other stuff. Puhleeeasee hurry na! (but of course it would be too bitchy of me to say that out loud).

5:47 PM Finally!In the hallway nakasalubong ko pa yung prof ko na naging classmate ko sa isang subj so chika pa ng konti

5:50 PM na ako nakasakay ng elevator. Yey! Wala pang angelus!

5:51 PM nasa floor na ako ng dept. My prof was there discussing something with my other prof. Wohooo! I made it!Ooops susulatan ko pa nga pala ng name ko ang envelope...another one of my professors came out. Small chitchat again. As I was about to put it inside the pigeonhole of my prof another classmate was rushing from the elevator. Hah!

This is it! I should be savouring the moment of completing all my Academic subjects!!I really love studying but it's the exam and assignments/projects part that I hate. Of course completing my academic subjects would also mean that I have to take the comprehensive exam, practicum & thesis. Still a long way to go for that much awaited Masteral degree but I'm simply glad that a I'm done with the big chunk of it.
Unfortunately for me...I'm so sleepy I can't celebrate or even enjoy the moment.

I just hope that I could teach our future children to have better study habits than their mother. Now how do I do that?Okay saka ko na sasagutin ang tanong na yan...mental note na lng muna.

Ang Salarin

I can't help it!
If I'm not taking the comps by July I'm sure June pa lng may trips na kme...just when I dramatically told Ryan that..."mahal siguro for our anniversary tipid mode na lng tayo.." but NO after Cebu Pacific's promo ako mismo ang sumira ng sinabi ko..mwahahaha!

What months kaya kme dapat magsimulang magdildil ng asin?

At dapat lubayan ko na ang Cebu Pacific Website A few minutes ago nakabili na naman ako...oh noh!My excuse? Family trip...hehehe!Tlaga naman dinamay pa ang kapatid, nanay at tyahin. Shucks di ko na masyado pagkakalat sa friends ko ito nang wala nang magyaya. Ay si Belle nga pala niyaya ako ng Cebu eh...super gusto ko pumunta kse miss ko na ang lechon at mangorind at chicharon at si bossing (hahaha)!!

In fairness super mura ng promo na ito ng Cebu Pacific! =) Naku baka sa pakpak ng eroplano kme nakaupo!Teka baka naman pwede akong bigyan ng Cebu Pacific ng free flights for advertising them here...hmmm...

Unknown (?) forces

It has to be the work of a supernatural force...
...my paper due last monday I was only able to submit yesterday 1am. Wednesday?!It was technically Thursday already
...my work!tons of it have many back logs
...i don't want to cook lately

I'm so tired doing lots of things yet when I lift my head after each accomplished task I have to bury it back again because it's endless. Ever watched the movie hanging up? I feel like Meg Ryan's character there...

By the way thanks Ging for off-loading me from weddings muna.

How can this be??

Just thinking out loud.
...have to start the scrapbook sideline.Dumadami di pa nasisimulan and it's all waiting in line. (just hope i have the time in the world to do it because I'm sure I'll enjoy this project)
...have to finish my last paper
...have to finish my case study on a depressed adolescent (this I'm very excited about) & an upcoming take-home finals pa pala!geez
...have to finish choosing the pictures for our wedding album and at least have the finished album before our second year anniversary...hello!Even Mel Cortez is urging me to finish it already
...have to apply for a new passport. Never replaced the lost one until it expired and I got married because I am still sentimental about the visa of my brother and I's first international travel. Don't ask where I lost it because my family and friends already stigmatized me on passports.
...have to decide what to do with my studies because I don't think I can handle two jobs (my regular one & my practicum)and this is for my next term otherwise I can't go on and finish my degree...huhuhuhu
...and of course (drum roll please) watch the last CD of Jewel in the Palace. Harharhar!Last night after I submitted my paper we attempted to start watching we didn't even get through 1 episode and had difficulty waking up this morning.

To think people still walk up to me and ask so kelan kayo magkaka-baby? Whatdda??

I'll take a break! I'll tell Ryan to take me on a date this weekend. (hahaha!demanding) I've turned him down so many times (making him miss movies that he wants to see) it might take plenty plenty of lambing! Hehehe...

Hindi seloso

It’s funny how my husbandry is not seloso “daw” kse wen the guy who I THOUGHT was the love of my life from the previous decade and another planet suddenly texted me. Ganito ang drama namin…

D: Mahal may opening ba sa inyo ng ECE?
R: Ewan ko…bakit sino ba yan?
D: Aa..e..ayun hulaan mo na…
R: Ummm...bakit gusto na nya lumipat e di ba maganda naman sa company nila?
D: (surprised to the nth power?? Baket close sila? E ni hindi ko nga alam anong meron sa career nun?) Ahh…mahal…sino ba ang akala mo?
R: (napaisip)
D: (nabuko na may ibang pwedeng pagselosan…hmmm)
R: (cool lng…) ah kala ko kse si (insert name of friend here) sa mga close friends ko you can text me for the name para klaro lng kung sino at hindi kung sino-sino iniisip nyo dyan! Eh sino ba yan?
D: Si ano…(insert name here)
*bigla akong nagsisi na we had this conversation in front of my mom na nanonood ng tv pero surely ang tenga nasa amin (akala ko kse iwas blood shed)…lalayuan ko muna si motherlily later dahil baka makurot ako sa singit.

Next chapter:

Pag akyat sa room…

D: Mahal di ka naman nagseselos di ba?
R: Di no...

Ahhh...ok so mature!besides wala namang dapat ika-selos dahil nagtatanong lng naman ang gung-gong about job openings.

11 pm-ish

May nag vibrate sa bed….super sleepy na ako I don’t want to check kung kaninong cellphone yun.

R: (insert my nickname here) nasan ang cellphone mo?
D: Andito…(in between dreams and right senses)
R: May nag-vibrate kse baka may text ka
D: (narinig ko pa yun pero din a nag-cooperate ang bibig ko to reply knockout na naman ako…)

After unknown several minutes he’s still reading my cellphone

D: (super wala pa din sa right senses) mahal may nagtext ba?
R: (chuckled at dali-daling binalik ang cellphone sa tabi ko) hehehe...binabasa ko...

Deadma antok na antok pa din ako. Na-cutean talaga ako kse super denial si mokong and when it comes to “him” mas nagselos pa sya sa iba kesa sa kanya..so may I sleep ako with a smile on my face.

Mga madaling araw na..kinapa ko cellphone ko kse feeling ko yung conversation namin panaginip lang lahat…when I turned my cellphone on it’s all real kahit groge ako sa pagka-antok. At ang magaling kong asawa sent messages pa ang binabasa…hmp!feeling naman nya napaka-sweet ng pinagttxt ko ke (um. yun na). Again knockout ako after….

When I woke up at good mood din si Ryan I told him—“naughty ka may ginawa ka kagabi no?”...Caught in a dead end…

R: hehehe!oo sinabi ko naman sayo na may nagtext eh ayaw mong gumising to check it.
D: Ahh…so may nag-text nga ba?
R: Wala
D: Eh anong binasa mo?
R: Lahat.
D: Ahh..eh di mahal nabasa mo yung text ni Ma’am Cecille?
R: Ummm..hindi. (pa-cute pa. in fairness cute naman)
D: Ahhh...eh akala ko ba lahat nabasa mo?
R: Eeehhh...lahat lng ng kay ”papa”
D: (bastos na to papa ang tawag baka sila nga ang may relasyon…hahahaha)

Well pano kme naghiwalay in the morning? Tawa ako ng tawa feeling mahaba ang buhok kahit na yung walang kamalay malay na texter eh nagtatanong lng po ng opening sa dating kong company napagselosan pa…ay oo nga pala di sya nagseselos. Pero di ako tinantanan ng mga pangungulit na…super cute talaga. Even when I’m writing this naaliw ako pag iniisip ko si Ryan…and sa totoo lng kung looks lang pagbabasehan dapat ako yata ang selosa! Hahahaha!

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In relation to that texter, pagka-graduate ko pa lng and kakasimula ko pa lng as an HR in NEC super dream ko nang ma-interview sya and magmalaki whatsoever. Yung feeling boss na high and mighty kahit hindi. Now it’s happening! Well kinda. Of course 7 months too late kse wala na nga ako sa NEC at goodness I was there for almost 4 years…nakakatawa pero wala lng palang effect nang mangyari and dati ko pang hinahangad. Mas masarap talaga ang fairy tales na hindi ko pa nasusulat sa literature journal ko. Mas spontaneous and unexpected ang lovelife ngayon...sabi na tlaga all in God’s grace!

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Sa fictional lovestory pa din…

Over na sa kilig ang hatid ni Jang-Guem at Kapitan! Although since I started watching Jewel in the Palace from a DVD I miss the in between background music of “ako’y alipin mong …” Hahaha!Baduy and of course yung pang cut at pang emphasize ng moment na.."unti-unting mararating..kalangitan at bituin". Sobra na akong affected! Napupuyat kme kse I don’t want to go to sleep na malungkot si Jang-Guem dapat happy ang takbo ng story at hindi nambubulabog ang mga Choi. Well, (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT) super happy ako na nag-tanan ang dalawa pero nagbabadya na maudlot..GRRR!!Actually pina-stop ko kay Ryan kse parang di kaya ng puso ko…I’m so happy for them and super doooper kakilig ang “pa-cute moments nila”. Ryan had to talk me out of it…actually he was already asking me to go downstairs para tapusin na nya at di ako istorbo. Last CD na namin tonight!! Grabe!!! Todo na ito!!!Tinalo ang pagkahumaling ko sa Lovers in Paris…siguro kse adik na adik din si Ryan..mwahahaha! (I'm gonna be killed that I'm letting out his secret) Actually I really think I'm gonna be killed for this entire entry...hahaha!! Love you Deng!!

On Planning...

My best friend shared with me this...I don't know where she got it from but I liked it a lot and it speaks so much of what I've gone through in life not just recently but I guess the past, present & future struggles that I have as a daughter, sister, wife, HR, student, friend...

The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner.
I like planners because I am a planner.
I like thinking ahead.
I like being prepared.
I get a high from being on top of things.

But some things are beyond planning.

And life doesn't always turn out as planned.
You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.
You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially whenHis plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.

{Thanks Auie!I miss you sooo much!}

Pag walang maisulat sa paper mag-emote na lng...

Life's about choices you just have to deal with the consequences.

I'm thinking about that while I'm stuck with my paper due tomorrow. Imagine paying for high tuition fees for a subject that you don't get to meet with your professor but you're supposed to submit a weekly paper (via email) that summarizes two articles/journals/chapter of the book..whatever. You also have to give a critique and a reaction. If only she didn't specify that "finding the article too boring" doesn't count as a reaction, my "reactions" in the paper will be longer than what she's asking for. AAArrrgh!!Really... I asked my classmates if they're learning something from this and you can probably guess their response.

Of course life is about choices but I couldn't and wouldn't dare fail this last subject for my masters.

Life's Simple Joys

2005 had been a wonderful year for me. It marked our first year as husband and wife and he took me to Palawan to celebrate. We’ve been coordinating for more than a year and earned the trust of many couples. I switched job and finally reached supervisory level at my ideally set age. I’ve renewed my friendship with my bestfriend and after 3 years of being away from each other we finally got the hang of how to communicate and be the best of friends overseas. We had new toys like our play station & xda’s. Almost finished all my academic subjects if not for La Salle who didn’t offer my last 2 subjects last term. Improved relationship with my mom and brother. Aand a lot more things I’m so thankful to the Lord everyday!

I was so confident our life was going the way we planned it. For my birthday this year we were planning to go to –Antonio’s in Tagaytay or Baguio driving our own car. Actually Ryan is even insisting going out of town like Boracay or Davao especially when he was able to close a project at the end of the year, received plenty of bonuses etc. We exceeded our target for the year and to mark it, after Christmas, he took me shopping and I was able to buy 3 pairs of shoes including my first boots that looked very very sexy matching it with jeans or nice fitting slacks. Life was so fast tracked and God told us to slow down…my mother-in-law collapsed a had a stroke. Suddenly the abundance of material things and the promise of a luxurious living beyond what we grew up in didn’t matter. I took it hard. I am not a materialistic girl who have to acquire a lot to be happy (although I must admit that I can be a gadget queen once in a while as some of my former officemates labelled me) but one common thing about me and Ryan is that we have big dreams. We have a perfect picture of how we want life to be.

Tomorrow I’m turning 26. For a girl who grew up always celebrating birthdays with a bang (because my family always made a big deal out of birthdays) I should be crying my heart out not having a grand day tomorrow but I’m not. Check out how I celebrated d-day last year . I even asked myself if I’m sure I’m not sad or anything close to that. How do I want to celebrate it? I want to hear mass at Greenbelt chapel (my favorite sanctuary). Before Christmas I wanted to have my hair fixed it’s so unruly na! I don’t think “beautification” is an option. I want to have ice cream! My favorite Coffee Crumble. Pag ginanahan ako I will make myself buko pandan or any salad and finally I want to play Harvest Moon all day! I want to have a hot stone massage at Fitness First since we bought a whole year worth of massage anyway and I haven’t used it for this month. (Kaso lang as if nagpa-sched ako…hello!) Back to reality naman kse the next day, I have to finish my weekly assignment due on Monday otherwise lagi akong absent ng Monday like what I recently did. Hehehe…quiet!

So is happiness a choice? A debatable question my professor asked us in my Positive Psychology. Sometimes when you don’t plan to be happy things that can and will make you happy comes to you. Most days it comes as a choice. You can dwell all you want on the things that make you feel bad or you can be happy despite of… You don’t have to consciously do it because happiness is so strong that it becomes spontaneous.

The experience of losing everything we have and even owing what we don’t have yet made me have a better perspective on things. In some ways it validated our marriage and strengthened our vows(for better or for worst kind of stuff). I have loved and lost so many times (and I’m not talking about the guys I stumbled upon before I found my perfect match.) Lola, Tita Glecy and my Lolo all passed on and left a remarkable statement at different points of my life. Life is short and everything has an end. It’s a lesson I need to be reminded of once in a while.

As I slowed down these past few days there are things I took note:
~the joysss of having a wonderful man as my husband who is strong to face the trials yet gentle in his ways of showing love to me and his family
~the joy of finally having a great boss, who trusts me, listens to me, guides me and respects me. Who can be as professional in dealing with HR matters that are so emotionally and mentally draining and be a friend who listens to my heartaches and shares her own. Making me forget how chaotic our organization is!
~the joy of having my mom visit the house frequently and taste the home cooked meals we never tasted before because she was so busy with work when we were kids. Even if I still have better culinary skills than her…hahaha! conceited!
~the joy of being able to relate to my teenage younger brother who is so guarded most of the times.
~the joy of being closer to my in-laws starting from my sisters-in-law, father-in-law and the rest of the extended family. Getting one step closer to completely understanding their dialect. Nakakarelate na ako kahit papano!
~the joy of watching Jewel in the Palace with a very excited and eager Ryan! Geez it has to be said that my husband and I are soo hooked …hmmm last year I was like this with Lovers in Paris.
~the joy of finally having somebody to help around the house especially now that my time is not only divided by schoolwork since we also frequent the hospital after office.

I can talk endlessly about the blessings I received and it seems that counting all my blessings it can be my birthday everyday, with or without the celebration and definitely without the ageing!

I’m just happy and I’m at peace. More than I thought I'd be on my birthday. For now I let life come to me but I make sure I make the most out of it and live it to the fullest! God knows best and I have all the love in the world my heart could ever contain. That's enough to keep me going and be happy.

Stolen Shot

Background music:...pretty woman walking down the street..pretty woman..

Yes! Stolen shot yan alangan naman magposing-posing pa ako while crossing the street eh di nasagasaan ako da vah?!. I'm just a happy-walker..hehehe. Actually I'm posting this because this might be the last picture/evidence you will see me sane.

How timely I'm studying psychopathology and I feel I'll be diagnosing myself with a disorder listed in the DSM-IV anytime soon. I need an outlet!! Healthy outlet ba ang studies ko if all our 2-chapter-thick-readings per subject are so full of medical jargon that I have to look up and visualize before I could connect with mental disorder or behavior?? I'm not just talking about simple anatomy or biological traces here ha...the intricacies of it pa. Then again I'm just fooling myself that this is what's bothering me. Forgive the incoherence of this post.. yaiks symptoms na ito ng cognitive dysfunction!waaah!

Would appreciate your PRAYERS...

If it's been a while since I posted, it will take a lot longer before I could update this again. I've been really busy even if I have so many stories to tell. Being busy is one thing but having a crisis in our life is another.

My mother-in-law, Ruby was rushed to the hospital last January 6 (Friday). It was after office and as usual Ryan and I can't wait to get home because we fight over who plays first with the playstation. However, before Ryan picked me up (literally as he was walking towards our office) he was informed that mama fainted at the restroom of Select along North Luzon Expressway. He gave instructions that she be brought immediately to a nearby hospital. They were somewhere in Bulacan. Worried that he doesn't know how to get there he decided not to take me along despite my protests. We never imagined it was that bad. I was even thinking that maybe it's okay to be left behind since we have a wedding the next day. I wanted him to have dinner first and prepare his bag at least for an overnight but Ryan was too anxious that he just wanted to be there immediately. He was on the road and we were in constant communication when he told me that it is aneurysm and they are transferring her to another hospital in Marilao where they could attend to her case. I was in stupor. I am not exaggerating but except for talking to Clarice I did nothing. I was scared and I wanted to be there as well. I asked my aunt if she could take me to Marilao but I could hear fatigue in her voice already. She is willing to but the car has to be fixed and she's waiting for a phone patch for her nightly radio program. I waited and I even looked for a van or car for rent. It's already 10PM! I ended up doing nothing...I figured it's too much to ask my aunt to drive me to Marilao when she still has work the next day even if she had the car fixed for me. I cancelled on our wedding. I plan to go there first thing in the morning. I finally fell asleep past 2AM.

That felt like ages ago...now after another series of events she's now confined at the UST Public Hospital. Her anuerysm left undiagnosed because they initially had to evacuate the hemmorage in the brain after she deteriorated so instantly before us so the angiogram that could localize the problem cannot be done unless she improves. The weight of all the decision (from the simplest to the most complex life & death call) was given to Ryan. Maybe in shock or in confusion his father can't decide anymore, which is understandable. Lola wants to be involved yet emotionally cannot handle it. Ryan has to be the strong one. We never faced any tougher role than this. The decision maker and financial provider. While Ryan tries hard to be strong for them I try hard to be strong for Ryan and there are days that tears cannot help but fall.

Though we are hoping for a miracle we are not praying for one. I'm happy that Ryan knows that God has His own will. We are praying that if mama stays with us that she recovers soon and not suffer like that but if He wants to take her already then don't make it such an agony to her and the family. There are many things to thank Him for like helping mama be stable enough to get transferred to UST, the love and concern of the entire family both mama & papa's side, the financial assistance that is coming in that helps somehow, the support of my family and friends that really really means a lot, the staff of UST Hospital who are all so good and vanished all our misconceptions on Charity Wards...As much as we thank Him for all the good things it's so hard to move pass cloudy thoughts. To worry about our future when all that we've put up are going down the drain. To worry if there is enough help to financially support the procedure mama still has to undergo. To worry if mama can physically endure all of what needs to be done to her...Difficult or hard doesn't even come close to how we would describe it but in life you cannot just choose your battles. I just pray we'll know how to fight ours.