Would appreciate your PRAYERS...

If it's been a while since I posted, it will take a lot longer before I could update this again. I've been really busy even if I have so many stories to tell. Being busy is one thing but having a crisis in our life is another.

My mother-in-law, Ruby was rushed to the hospital last January 6 (Friday). It was after office and as usual Ryan and I can't wait to get home because we fight over who plays first with the playstation. However, before Ryan picked me up (literally as he was walking towards our office) he was informed that mama fainted at the restroom of Select along North Luzon Expressway. He gave instructions that she be brought immediately to a nearby hospital. They were somewhere in Bulacan. Worried that he doesn't know how to get there he decided not to take me along despite my protests. We never imagined it was that bad. I was even thinking that maybe it's okay to be left behind since we have a wedding the next day. I wanted him to have dinner first and prepare his bag at least for an overnight but Ryan was too anxious that he just wanted to be there immediately. He was on the road and we were in constant communication when he told me that it is aneurysm and they are transferring her to another hospital in Marilao where they could attend to her case. I was in stupor. I am not exaggerating but except for talking to Clarice I did nothing. I was scared and I wanted to be there as well. I asked my aunt if she could take me to Marilao but I could hear fatigue in her voice already. She is willing to but the car has to be fixed and she's waiting for a phone patch for her nightly radio program. I waited and I even looked for a van or car for rent. It's already 10PM! I ended up doing nothing...I figured it's too much to ask my aunt to drive me to Marilao when she still has work the next day even if she had the car fixed for me. I cancelled on our wedding. I plan to go there first thing in the morning. I finally fell asleep past 2AM.

That felt like ages ago...now after another series of events she's now confined at the UST Public Hospital. Her anuerysm left undiagnosed because they initially had to evacuate the hemmorage in the brain after she deteriorated so instantly before us so the angiogram that could localize the problem cannot be done unless she improves. The weight of all the decision (from the simplest to the most complex life & death call) was given to Ryan. Maybe in shock or in confusion his father can't decide anymore, which is understandable. Lola wants to be involved yet emotionally cannot handle it. Ryan has to be the strong one. We never faced any tougher role than this. The decision maker and financial provider. While Ryan tries hard to be strong for them I try hard to be strong for Ryan and there are days that tears cannot help but fall.

Though we are hoping for a miracle we are not praying for one. I'm happy that Ryan knows that God has His own will. We are praying that if mama stays with us that she recovers soon and not suffer like that but if He wants to take her already then don't make it such an agony to her and the family. There are many things to thank Him for like helping mama be stable enough to get transferred to UST, the love and concern of the entire family both mama & papa's side, the financial assistance that is coming in that helps somehow, the support of my family and friends that really really means a lot, the staff of UST Hospital who are all so good and vanished all our misconceptions on Charity Wards...As much as we thank Him for all the good things it's so hard to move pass cloudy thoughts. To worry about our future when all that we've put up are going down the drain. To worry if there is enough help to financially support the procedure mama still has to undergo. To worry if mama can physically endure all of what needs to be done to her...Difficult or hard doesn't even come close to how we would describe it but in life you cannot just choose your battles. I just pray we'll know how to fight ours.