that "hurt" feeling

We watched ms. congeniality 2 last Saturday and had a hearty dinner at Sakura. We're celebrating over something and besides sa sobrang busy namin lately ngayon lng kme nag-official date.

I had a hangover after the movie. Agent Gracie Hart (played by my favorite actress Sandra Bullock) was so heartbroken that she felt compelled to accept a job she never would have done if she's on her right senses. There are several moments in the movie that you could really feel that she's hurt and lonely but she built a facade so that no one would notice it. To such point
that she completely was a changed person. Although the change was for better it was not her pa din.

It made me all sentimental. (Weird as it may sound) I felt that I miss feeling hurt. It was something that I used to thrive in. "Heartbroken" felt like the only problem in the world to me. Sleepless nights, swollen eyes and of course all my melodramatic poems, short stories & novels that never ended. I was hopeless than a hopeless romantic.

I was like this half my HS years and my entire college years..so pathetic when I think of it now. Almost six years? To get over my hurt feelings (I will never be loved..I'm not pretty enough..I will never get married..rantings) I had to go across the world and literally tell myself to grow up and get over it. I did. There are so many unanswered questions but I promised I will love myself first and stop obssessing on being "in love".

It was actually before we left for Oman (somewhere in Middle East where my dad is working) that I met Ryan. I had a problem with my internet that night ka-chat ko pa naman ang isa sa 100 crushes ko..hehe! Anyways, ang weird pero of all the guys I talked to he never hit on me right away kahit most guys fall for my voice on the phone (believe me that is not self-esteem
boosting kse naman ano mapapala ng isang tao sa magandang boses). Nevertheless we had a nice long chat after he assisted me in fixing my internet connection. (He was working at our ISP).

So after the trip to Oman super refreshed na ako and I told my self not to get involved na muna. Blame it on the M.U's and my unrequited "admiration" to a particular guy. (haha!admiration na lng ngayon kse alam ko na ang meaning ng L.O.V.E!!) To my surprise naputol ang internet ko dahil di nabayaran when we were away. Then I called our ISP to ask if I can at least
send lng an email to my dad to tell him we arrived safely. Can you imagine? Si Ryan na naman ang nakausap ko..we both remembered na we talked na before tapos may pa-bola bola pa ang mokong na since malakas daw ako sa kanya i-coconnect nya ako ulit. (Un pala nung kme na pwede naman palang temporary connection with a promise to pay)

In short, (kse pag sinama ko ang love story namin dito nobela na naman or should I say mas nobela kesa dito) when I met Ryan I forgot how it felt to be hurt. He introduced a feeling far more greater than my bisyo of "hurting myself" (yes, sometimes kahit di na dapat dahil sa kagagahan ko I hurt myself in the process) or staying hurt. Although feeling hurt was not at all
bad. Feeling ko I had high grades in college kse pag inis na inis ako binubuhos ko sa pag-aaral..gusto ko pang mag-excel lalo para ipamukha sa ...hmp!never mind. I got into music and had fruitful recreations...(Sooo like Gracie Hart!) and you feel so important kse baby ka ng friends mo!(hahaha!inenjoy!) Plus ang hilig ko kumain...I can finish a whole pint of
ice cream in one sitting + other food. Kakaiba ako ma-depress.hehe!

Not because I missed feeling hurt means I would want to feel it again. No way jose! Friends naman kme ni..although friends naman talaga kme before. I still get the motivation to excel and do well in my studies only this time positive na...inspired na ako!Napaka-supportive yata ng asawa ko..actually kahit BF ko pa lng sya nun he was so supportive in my studies and whatever I want to pursue. Most of all super sarap ng ganito ka-happy & ganito ka-inlove!! Perhaps that "hurt" feeling just taught me a lot of things I never would have known if all things are great in my life and it especially made me realize and value what I have with Ryan. =) We both had our own share of hurt feelings and maybe one could say that because of that we do not hold back on showing how we love each other or take care of each other.

All those hurt feelings paid well in the end.....kahit dati it felt like the end of the world.