Jul 22, 2016

Life after my global company

I've been contemplating a lot if I have a problem letting go, moving on and just be in the present.
If I go with my unfiltered thought, I won't be judged for being ungrateful for what I have now -- that is a good job in my line of work. My unfiltered thoughts will also share why oh why do I have to sit in the office for 8 hours not having the satisfaction of your work contributions making a difference, being micro-managed and each stepped questioned or criticized, mostly not existing to most employees? I wonder if what I am feeling is really uncalled for.

Before migrating here there's the term "survival job" that we were told about. Those are the jobs like flipping burgers, working in groceries to make ends meet until you have gained enough "Canadian experience" to show employers. Well we didn't certainly go that route (and by the way that route is not bad either as there's dignity of labor here and those jobs do pay well). While I may not be flipping burgers or loading merchandise in the aisles of the grocery stores I still feel what I do is a survival job. I hang on to it the best that I can as it is needed by my family then >>complain A LOT in my blog...miss my ex-colleagues, ex-company and ex-role miserably. LOL.

Here's a list of what I have gained and what I am missing:

1. Freedom after working hours! Woohooo...ohhh I worked and worked and even lose sleep working at my previous work. While I say I was tired before I never complained hating it. I do love the fact that since I have no helper in the kitchen not having the work burden after I leave the office.
2. Intellectual and creative avenue for my over-active brain. I love churning ideas. I love talking about it. I love listening to people who give a different perspective that it makes you reconsider yours or let you learn something. I love that in my previous job failure is welcomed in a fashion that you are trying, you are in the right direction or not and that you have room for improvement. That is mainly because the expectations are clear.
3. My awesome ex bosses! You know I didn't necessarily have that instant click with my bosses at first. However it only takes a few weeks of getting to know each other. Plenty of delegation and empowerment. Accepted failure that we grow to work GREAT together. I can definitely say it takes a good leader give that experience. That's what they were. They were clear about their expectations and they take time to get to know me, how I think and work and I was like that to them. They certainly earned my respect, trust and drive to accomplish beyond their expectations. It was mutual and I miss it...terribly.
4. I did gain a lot of time to do personal stuff. That's how light my work is which also scares me as I might not be as relevant to the company. Unlike when I left my previous company...oh how I had the need to put things in order a lot just to ensure they can go on without me. Yes they can just that I felt responsible if I did't hand it over properly however at that point my team is empowered and tasks are delegated well that they can self-manage.
5. The money!I know my husband would disagree but I just don't feel any guilt buying something worth $2-3 once in a while not to mention my starbucks spending last time. While I can live without that Starbucks Caramel Macchiato ('sniff) I just miss being comfortable to spend once in a while and that came in with my manager paycheck before plus extra bonuses for being awesome at what I do.
6. My leaves - sick & vacation. Ugh I was so dizzy with vertigo that my BP rose up and our nurse sent me home. I wanted to rest the next day but I can't afford that as I do not have sick leave. So I dragged my dizzy ass to work. Last time too if my work in the office is something I can manage from home I work from home. Missing that a lot.

I really do enjoy the freedom to be with the kids and take care of my family that this job gives. I just can't help but give in to my emotions and feel all these chaos of sadness that grips my heart and blog about it so I don't carry it around and I can fake a smile.

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