Oct 6, 2007

Motherhood..the new chapter in my so called life

When I came back to work a month ago I was getting a lot of "how's ur baby?" question that really is a mind boggler for me to answer. All our baby does is sleep, eat, poop, pee, sleep, eat, poop, pee. That's what babies do anyway on their first months but when I go home I came to reflect on how motherhood changed me and how Iaree changed our lives. (This is a hint for you guys that this is another one of my endless entry..hehe)

We were on our way to Ryan's hometown and we stopped over at megamall to check out something. Inside the bus I was sooo dizzy and hungry that I thought 2 slices of the greenwich pizza we bought will ease me a bit. I tried sleeping but when we got off I was throwing up the first chance I got. We thought it was just the heat or the food so we ignored it. Two days went on and I was still feeling the same...nauseous, throwing up, food cravings that I still throw up after. We weren't that suspicious that I was already pregnant since I was just a few days delayed (which was very normal in my cycle depending on my stress level that month) and I just finished a complete medical exam a week ago for our overseas employment and the pregnancy test showed negative. That's why it was a surprise to find out that I was pregnant. =)

I eagerly saw what I will do when I become a mom, mapped out things I'd what to do for the baby but when she came out it was a whole different story. This was the exact reason why I was scared to have a baby, not just because of the labor pains but because I put so much pressure on myself knowing that I am not an ordinary girl who will become a mom - I took a masteral degree that specializes on human development and I STUDIED how vulnerable each event in life is to a person. I felt should know the when, where, why & how of raising a child given all that I've learned but trust me I have so forgotten all the theories and concepts from school when Iaree is there crying or something that urgently needs my attention. The best weapon in being a mom I realized is not what I have studied (but it sure comes in handy) it's having good instincts, common sense and on some days simply your love for your baby & husband that will extend what you feel is already your long patience.

During the first two months I already cried 3x. I was thinking "oh noh?am I so bad did I do something wrong..etc". First - on the 3rd day we brought her home I cried that night for the difficulty of feeding her in the wee hours of the day then putting her to sleep so I can AT LEAST close my eyes to rest before she asks for the next feeding. Second - out of frustration that the baby doesn't want to stop crying and being questioned by my usually supportive husband why I can't make her stop. Third was when I tried weaning her or actually just trying to teach her to feed from the bottle as I was a few weeks away from going back to work. First two times the tears was out of pity for myself but when I cried the last time and I cried for her that when motherhood really sinked in & hit me. I thought the 9 months of carrying her in my womb already did it for me. While semi-weaning her I felt sad that I will not be with her everyday and that she would have to learn to live (actually feed...hehehe) without me. I felt sad that she was having difficulty feeding from the bottle & not from mommy. She was crying hard and I know she was hungry na. It was sooo heartbreaking I cant go near her those times para di sya ma-confuse na "why do I have to drink my milk from the bottle eh my mommy is here?" Eventually we both learned how to cope with it. The smiles & giggles that we share during feeding time & playtime when I go home or before I leave for the office is such delight!!!Understatement!Super sarap pang i-kiss at i-hug!!Winning feeling!!

A lot of credit goes to my very sweet, loving and supportive husband who never left my side since I conceived the baby. Sure he had sungit moments like scolding me for throwing up endlessly (as if I can help it) during the first trimester, scolding me for taking a bus instead of a taxi cab (hehe I think I deserve this one kse super hirap sumakay ng bus at mega-walkathon papuntang house) and when the baby is crying or hurt (obviously bringing our the over protectiveness in him). His little tantrums could never equate the attention that he gives me and the baby. Everytime he volunteers to wash the dishes or just buy food outside when my morning sickness was terrible or even when it wasnt at tinatamad lng ako. Everytime he offers a back or foot rub even without me asking. These was when he still had a shifting schedule. When we got a car, even coming from a night shift with a very stressful workload he will still drive me to the office. When I was giving birth he never left my side and made sure I was comfortable all the time. When the baby was out he wakes up with me even if he still had to go to work. If he sees I'm so tired or sleepy and the baby is not hungry he volunteers without second thoughts of putting the baby to sleep. Best of all he also puts up with my tantrums etc but I guess a big sacrifice was went I went back to work and when I have too many workload that he waits for me for hours coz he comes to the office early to pick me up. He would buy me food and wait for me without complains. Which reminds me the only time we fight is when I shop and he's too tired or too sleepy or too hungry (during my pregnancy or even now with the baby)...hehehe syempre as long as there are stores for me I forget that I'm tired or hungry plus the genetic thing in guys that they can't bear shopping!So it's obviously an unending war between us pag shopping time na..hahaha!(Kaya naman I am improving my skill of buying 2 pairs of shoes in 15 mins para wag mainit ulo ni Ryan sa tagal at sa gastos ko....hahaha!)

Nowadays my routine goes as work & expressing milk for the baby in the server room every 3-4 hours, work and go home, feed the baby directly, eat dinner, fix the bed, put her to sleep, wake up 2-3 times in the mid of the night to feed her, on the last feeding it's time to go to work again. So you see a very supportive husband and a very helpful mom is my best support system. Then again seeing Iaree grow up so energetic and happy can simply make your day, month, year & life as it is now. Now more than ever Ryan and I workout in coping with parenthood, work demands and life demands hoping to get some sleep in between. I now understood that the best compliment I could hear from people is "Wow Rhodora you are such a good mother!" - from my officemates who are baffled at how I juggle "milking" (as my boss calls it), working and motherhood at home. I now know that the best reward for a tiring day is an appreciative hug & kisses from Ryan and his remark of "Thanks for being a great mom!". Then of course to feed my vanity I so cherish the endless compliment I get from envious girls (even my OB-GYNE) how I quickly shed off my pregnancy weight...hahaha so superficial di ba?! Naah just kidding...I know I am not a perfect mom and definitely not a perfect wife...not to mention not a perfect employee/recruiter at the moment. Some days are simply a struggle while some days are a bliss. For now I am really loving every moment...laughing with Iaree, seeing her play with Ryan who loves her so much, knowing how my family back in the Phils are very excited to see her...what else can I ask for?

Now how did I manage to post this blog..Iaree & Ryan are still sound asleep. =) Hehehe!I told you some days are a bliss...hahaha!!!

1 comment:

Joey said...

Dowadee! Nanay na nanay ka na nga! What you felt were almost exactly what I felt with Ethan! Little things about our children make us so proud and happy, noh? :)