Shut up!

I’m really really at the verge of throwing something at her face if she doesn't stop. I feel that i haven't done anything wrong to piss her off or make her treat me like this.
She is soooo irritating but i have nobody to vent this to because after the betrayal I’m not so sure if people around me are friends or foes. I’m not usually this paranoid actually I’m the exact opposite…i trust easily and open up easily. So silence is really driving me crazy. She is driving me crazy.
I don't want to burden Ryan of my petty problems besides I can almost hear the same words he tells me everytime i vent about her. "Pabayaan mo na inggit lng yan" Inggit or not I think I deserve a fair treatment.
I am nice to her difficult as it is. She left me no choice but to bottle up my anger because before the situation worsened I tried confronting her but she does not want to talk things out. Please lng ha! I was the one who caught her in the act of bad-mouthing me to another girl. I said my piece about that and put it all behind me but she did not change....
Now she does not make efforts to get along with me instead she creates walls and grab every chance she has to stab me (front, back and sides!) Everyday when we talk her claws are showing.
Sometimes it's really hard to pretend something does not exist when it's right in front you!

loathe

one has to leave
it could be you or me
everyday i pray
everytime we clash
i want it to stop
i want to scream -- aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!
i want comfort that i'll never have to hold back again

sometimes i could just look at you
and imagine strangling you
i need to be free
redeemed from the negative energy you give me
because tomorrow i just might

nobody can change you
you're a hopeless rut
sometimes i pity you you're not lucky in life nor in love
but with that attitude maybe its what you deserve

i tried so many times to ignore you
forgive you for the things you are not aware you do
but you do it on purpose even if i try to be nice to you

but i'd rather be here than there
in the company of true friends
in the security of a loving husbandwith a life you so envy of… haha!

but i still loathe you and one has to leave

my study corner

I got the adrenaline rush this morning...i know i have to go to my tita's clinic for my broken tooth but since she left already i slept for a few more hours..(obviously hindi pa yan yung rush that i'm talking about!)i am so sleepy that i wasn't even able to prepare breakfast for my hubby who was so eager to go to his badminton game. (tsk tsk bad wife)

well with everybody gone uum...almost except for my brother and manang alma our househelp i thought that i'll just delay my trip to the dentist and derma to fix the room. as in even if we clean it everyday (which we don't) it's just sooo dusty dahil roadside sya. anyway, i was able to convince my brother to go to the derma with me (blame it on our genes) even if his hs classmate is coming over. He also made plans of cleaning his room that’s why when i noticed that he's starting with his Saturday habit (tv,eat,tv,internet,eat,tv,internet) i pulled him away from the tv immediately(mahirap na magsisimula na naman ang mokong). It turned out that we were soo energentic to clean our own rooms – “mega-makeovers”. He had too many tables he wanted to dispose. I decided to get one, move our bed a little and place the table beside my side of the bed.

I am so pleased and excited with my accomplishment!=) It fits perfectly! It's beside the window and the level of the bed is perfect to sit on…and our room is still spacious. When Ryan walked in and saw the table he excitedly said.."wow!may laruan na ako!" "excuse me?!" I said..."laruan..dyan ako maglalaro ng games sa laptop..”

Oh great!...i won't be surprised if i find my self studying at the dining table again…huhu.

uso pa ba ang harana? (a tribute to my bestfriend)

Auie is my super dooper bestfriend in the entire universe. I had to emphasize it because way back in college i had plenty of bestfriends that one of my friends pointed out if they are all my best friends eh di hindi na "best" friend yun kse ang dami nila. So I resorted to classifying them: neighborhood, elementary, hs, college etc. Anyways sideways,Auie is so so far away in the desert but I have her best interest at heart specially on the man who she will love. When Ryan was still courting me Auie was his bestfriend too...naks!pogi points di ba? Kaya tuwang-tuwa si Auie kay Ryan kse of all the guys na "naki-pag bestfriend" sa kanya si Ryan was the most sincere. Yihaa!

Since Auie had a very active love life (?) back in college super kilalang-kilala ko ang lahat ng lalaki sa buhay nya...hehe! She had her heart broken by these (ho-hum) guys (peace best!) and super involved ako sa kanila but I don't meddle ha..even the guys come to me. So it's a new thing for me that I'm not that involved anymore with her lovelife and I really really want to meet the guy who I pray will be "the One" this time. Just like how she and Ryan was before I married Ryan...

To my delight (so far at dapat consistent) he's been treating Auie very well and I am so happy for Auie when he serenaded her nung valentines day...This is something she deserves because Auie is a great girl and partner. Auie may have been showered with affection by her "ex-es" but nothing like this..to think nasa desert pa sila..hehe joke!(Auie is in Abu Dhabi right now) God willing he will be for real. The guy prayed for her before he courted her ha..o di ba? Go best!Dapat tlga magkatotoo na yung sinabi ni Cid na "one day liligaya din tayong 3 at sabay sabay na tayong mag-cecelebrate at di na iiyak!"

Speaking of Cid I wonder if may progress na ang love life ng mokong? hehehe!