Where am I?

In a whole new place and a whole new world. Figuratively and literally and it was cold when we arrived despite the layers of clothing it didn't seem to be enough. Finally with a few weeks of delay it started warming up and the kids love love love playing in the backyard.

It has been 1 month and a half since we arrived and left the life we knew. The months before that we both gruel-some, exhausting but exciting because we were going towards something different. It didn't scare me much as I should've been. M-I-G-R-A-T-I-N-G. What we did was not any different from what the geese do...which apparently was defined as ->> to move from areas of low or decreasing resources to areas of high or increasing resources. The two primary resources being sought are food and nesting locations. (Source https://www.allaboutbirds.org/the-basics-how-why-and-where-of-bird-migration/). Did we run low of resources? Well we didn't but we will not wait around not having the success that we have envisioned for our family. We will not sit around waiting until we miss the window of opportunity to give our children a better chance than what we have in Philippines and in Malaysia. The currency was surely depleting and I was and still am (I hope that doesn't change) sure of what we were doing.

A LOT of people think we were crazy and I thought that was because migration was something unusual for them. It's so common in the Philippines and even Malaysians migrate. 45 days after I think I am joining all our friends who told us we were crazy...lol. I am just so grateful that God had been with us every step of the way and that we are not in a dire situation but let me tell you the early stages of migration is E-X-C-R-U-C-I-A-T-I-N-G! Note "early" because I know God has plans for us in His time not ours and He always have. Before you make that major leap answer these:
 
1) Are you a professional with a good standing career that you built over the years?
2) You are used to the comfort and luxury of your life?
3) You are doing fine but wanted to improve but can't move in your company or country you are in?

YES YES & YES? Think more and really really deeply. I was repeatedly warned this will never be easy. Especially because of #1&2. In my next series of blog I will tell you more in detail about our life here when we arrived and our continuous journey. Migration is not for everyone. It's not for the faint of hear. It's not an escape and it may not necessarily be an economic resolution fit for all. Stay tuned

The Single Parent: The 5 Essential Life Skills Required

As I stepped in the elevator with a fellow mom who took her child to school, she immediately launched in a complain about how her child ALWAYS ALWAYS never finish his homework. She told me he's so distracted with TV and playing. Same dilemma I was in last night with Iaree but difference is on weekdays we have a no-TV rule at home. So I mentioned this to her as the ride was quick (we were at 3rd F). Then she admitted that this is what's difficult with an only child being raised by a single mom with no cousins even to play with. That took her quite a while to mention to me and she was at the point about to ride her car. She mentioned single family, single child...but the hardest part for her to tell a stranger was she was raising her child on her own.

Too bad she didn't know I can relate to her well as I am a daughter of a single mom. I have a single-mom child's perspective and I totally understand her. Being a single parent is nothing to be ashamed of. If not for the seemingly perfect and happy image of a complete family, they should be the ones celebrated and highly regarded. I am in a contented and fulfilled marriage raising 2 daughters yet there are days hubby & I raise our hands just exhausted of parenting. Most days we do benefit from taking turns and boosting each others patience but sometimes you just run out of it at the same time. Single parents don't have the luxury of a taking turns or check and balance that a two-parent household has yet they have to carry on and deal with they children just the same. If hubby and I once in a while miss having a me-time (individually) and  date nights permission from our kids are more harder than asking permission from my granddad (btw with an earlier curfew)...tell that to the single parent who's bliss comes from an uninterrupted shower or meal.

Being a single parent is like having super powers! But before you reached that point of being a single parent (by choice or not) there are a few important life skills we all could benefit from.

1.  HAVE AN OPINION.  You can't just go along with what your parents, friends or partner's opinion is. While you are most likeable when you agree all the time, you are so lost when it's time to express your own especially when you're a parent. Children are fantastic negotiators and lawyers if you do not have a strong stand again something they can easily take you down.

2. CHERISH ALONE TIME. Being surrounded by people all the time is great. Having a life partner is wonderful but do you always have to check on their availability to do something you really want? Don't get used to always having someone around, while that is appreciated also learn how to cherish being alone. For instance, eating by yourself or watching a movie by yourself. These little acts of independence makes being a single parent easier to cope with because you won't always have your children with you by your side either. They will  grow up and do stuff without you eventually. The sooner you accept that the easier it will be and trust me you wouldn't want them clinging to you all the time when they are an adult anyway. So gear yourself that being alone is ok and sometimes you just really have to.

3. BE APPRECIATIVE. For big things and small things I know na "walang forever" except God. So when people are there, things happen look at the bright side and appreciate something/someone. You never know when it ends, when it's gone but you had moments that you felt happy about it and that's something. Truth is, nothing always goes the way we want it to be but happiness is a choice and one way to achieve that by being appreciative. This may be hard when you are at those trying moments that nothing seems to be right  for you but that doesn't stop you from appreciating it after the storm has passed and you're still standing. Maybe barely standing but still standing. Afterthat you deserve a pat in the back  (or a bottle of champagne all to yourself, whatever works). If you practice this skill early on, it makes you a more stable person in times of crisis and single parents have a LOT of those. Lastly, what's not to appreciate if you have your child/children growing up with you. Sure its not easy but they are the most wonderful blessings God could EVER EVER give you.


4. LEARN FROM EVERYTHING & MOVE ON. I am a person who is big on learning. I appreciate things and learn from it as well. If you made a mistake(s) its about recognizing that, assessing the what-went-wrong & what-went-right scenario. Own it and move on. No, don't deflect or blame. It only fuels a grudge. The sooner you own what was your flaw and appreciate what you did right, the sooner you can correct and move on. No point beating yourself up. Single parents don't have the luxury of time to do that so focus your energy instead into learning from it and moving on.

5. HAVE COURAGE. The thing with "walang forever" even the bad stuff doesn't last forever. Have the courage to carry on and make difficult decisions. Have the courage to be happy and acknowledge your strengths. Have courage to admit what you did wrong. Most of all have the courage to reach out and ask for help from people around you. Being independent is a key to many things but if you are nearing breaking point what use of having an emotionally wrecked parent? I saw how my mom was great with seeking and accepting help. We never felt unloved because my mom's parents and siblings were always there. We grew up complete with my mom being both a mom and a dad at the same time or our titos, titas, lolo and lola playing that role for us.

Bottom line is we all need to develop independence, it's really the core skill anyone should have but don't be stubborn when you need help as long as don't fall into the pitfall of being too dependent on those giving you help you will just be fine.

And hey..chin up!My brother and I among many other children of single parents turned out fine. :) Single moms & single dads you inspire me everyday to be a better parent because if you can do it we have no excuse not to be able to.

School hunt

And so my mommy life is full of hunt...yaya hunt, good food hunt, bargain hunt..and one of the biggest yet is our school hunt. I'm telling you being in a foreign country is challenging especially if their educational system is not supportive of using the English language. I don't get it especially for Math & Science because I believe that at the minimum is universal so a person can easily adapt when these 2 subjects are in English. My friends are asking me how it is in the Philippines and I told them school's medium is in English. So you don't necessarily have to send your kids so fancy and big league primary school to ensure they have the good foundation. Anyway my hunt so far has led me to this: 1. We are targeting to send her to a private school. However, most private schools are shifting their curriculum to International Curriculum with "international school fees" of course and you cannot simply move around your kid as it can either be a British, Australian or American curriculum and each would be so different from each other. Ryan & I can't believe why we have to send Iaree to an overly expensive school at this stage whereas kids would be expected to be studying the same foundation. Some would argue that the quality would be there but I tell you I have been sent to a private school - Primary & Secondary and 2 things I can tell you. a) It was a big environment adjustment for me to be sent to a public University, one that paid off but was still a big shift nonetheless b)I was always in the top 25% of the batch population but I have seen so far 5 batch mates belonging to the lower percentage who are now doctors and great entrepreneurs. The primary & secondary education despite the "label" they had didn't stop them from succeeding in life. 2. Back-up plan is not to move the whole family back the Phils (at least not yet). Chinese school or local Malaysian school maybe if they will accept foreigners. I'm just having hesitation on the educational style in Chinese schools especially on the homework and writing part. The language part I'm perfectly okay with it but to torture kids with tons and tons of homework and repeated writing activity which the writing part I asked my Chinese educated friends they never used anyway. Now the local Malaysian school I have yet to find out if they would accept us. Maybe if that's the last resort I will just get language tutor for Iaree. Feel sad about that part though as she can't even speak Tagalog and here she would learn to speak BM. Oh well!Wish us luck it's 2 years away and I'm glad I have already started doing my research.

My guilty pleasure

My guilty pleasure that is not shopping or food related (just thought I should make that clear first) is to be complimented sincerely -- "Wow you are a mom??!" "You really have 2 kids?" "You just gave birth?" and to get the same compliment 3x in the same day is wow I must really be looking good today. Hahahaha..I'm so vain! I told Ryan when we were only married for a few years my personal goal is to look like a hip young mom. Alright of course I will not always be young but I really want to look cool and act my age nicely. Just like lola...she was sooo elegantly beautiful. Let us not forget that if I don't dress up nicely and I am with Iaree in expensive play areas other Filipino maids approaches me to ask "Alaga mo?" (in english, is that the kid you take care of?) or..."Chinese amo mo?" (seeing my daughter looking like Chinese they would assume that I work for Chinese family and taking care of this pretty Chinese girl) hahaha...So I hope you would pardon me for my guilty pleasure for looking good once in a while and basking on the compliments. Oh and a new addition the the list -- Ryan and I attended his colleague's wedding. An office mate who didn't make it saw our photos and was teasing Ryan "Hey who's that babe you were with on Choo's wedding? Does your wife know about this?" It didn't register to him immediately that it was actually his wife his office mate was referring to. LOL! So there...I don't care I'm guilty as charged for vanity! Hahaha.

The Ipad2 reward system

There's no turning back our 4 yr old daughter is a gadget junkie. With kids nowadays who isn't?
It all started when this little 6 month old baby witness her mom & dad working from home...she had her own portable DVD for travel purposes then so on & so forth. With the Ipad2 we decided to make it a bit different and let her use it when she behaved well during the day. Strictly imposed no use rule if she misbehaved. So far it seems to be working for her so aside from the educational benefits - we try to make her read more complicated words beyond the CVC method & entertainment purpose it brings - she loooves playing games related to cooking & dressing up it helps that we get to use it to discipline her.

Back to work - New Role! New Life!

If there is one thing I know I am good at that is studying.
I love a lot of things in learning new stuff, being creative and having the chance to express yourself. Well I am hopeful this is what this new role will bring me.

Buh-bye overly dramatic and stressful recruitment delivery work!
Hello to my unrealized dream career!

Way back when I started in HR there are 2 things I absolutely love -
1) Recruitment: for giving me a chance to find that perfect match (company & new employee), being able to network, learning a lot from people (both my hiring managers & candidates)
2) Training: the positive energy it brings, the things I learn and again the networking

To focus on recruitment was an obvious choice and easy path however the mundane unnecessary issues I was facing (before I went for maternity leave) coupled with lack of incentive for me sucked the joy out of my love for it. I never had much opportunity in training and on the 3rd year of my progressing career in the Phil I was told that I have to start from the bottom again to shift to this path. So I took my masters instead hoping one day I will be able to either teach or move to clinical psychology. My life obviously had different twists and turns back then but now is my chance to start over and pursue it this time. I know later the work load will increase but as long as the passion and the joy of the job is there then no work will ever be that terrible you'd want to spit it out of your system.

So here's to my new path!New life having 2 kids this time and hopefully hopefully on a personal aspect...lesser stress at home courtesy of my mom and her incessant nagging of our maid.Wish me luck!

GIFT

Birthing gift, anniversary gift, Christmas Gift, 2012 Birthday Gift, Valentines Gift all in one courtesy of Mr. Ryan.

Baby Liezl - The birthing story

Monday - June 27, 2011
My gynecologist Dr. Yap has ordered me to rest this week. Work was really crazy and it was only a few days back that they finally decided that yes I can hand over to my colleague. Frankly I can't believe that I have reached this point that I still did not have a replacement. I can't even make an announcement to the hiring managers that I liaise with as there were no definite plans. Despite the flexibility my boss gave me to work from home occasionally, it still did not alleviate how stressful things in the office are. In fact Ryan commented that I'm far worst working from home since I hardly get up and do not go for breaks compare to going to the office where I have to walk to the mall to get my lunch and ladies room is far from where I sit. Add to this fact that I am driving my family crazy with my volatile temper.

Anyway it was Monday and the stubborn me declared that I will still go to work (blatantly ignoring doctors orders) however when I stepped into the shower I was bleeding a bid. Contractions? I got so used to it that I hardly feel it. I called my doctor's HP and she told me it's a "show" (I had to look it up in BabyCenter after the call to find out what she meant) and she said wait for the contactions it can either be today or a few days more.

So I obviously stayed at home and continued to file for my medical leave.

Night came and nothing. No regular contractions..yes the pain was there especially at night but it doesn't progress.

Tuesday..Wednesday..Thursday...waiting mode. I was still bleeding but not profusely or alarming nor were the contractions. However doing nothing at home really helped a lot. I was not that uptight anymore and I can feel the excitement building that Baby Liezl is about to come out.

Friday - July 1, 2011

After that 4 days rest at home it was time to see my doctor. We dropped Iaree off to school and on the way to doctor's clinic I was feeling the frequent and more intense contractions. Hmmm..again I am so used to it that while in the waiting lounge of the clinic Ryan & I was browsing the Transformer's movie sched. It was only 9:45 AM and we are targeting the 11AM show, Ryan was about to click the buy online button but I said lets see what the doctor says first. I was getting hungry so we decided to grab breakfast before seeing Dr.Yap since she was still with a patient. When we returned to the clinic few minutes after her door was open and we hardly stepped in her private room she was already questioning me "What are you still doing here???!!" I replied..."err..we are here to pick you up and take you to the hospital"
"Aiyoo go now I'll see you in the hospital before lunch" She touched my tummy and said "You are havin contractions??!!" I replied "Ummm..I think so since 9:15 this morning" Then she shooed us away..I even attempted to ask her "So is it really now like now NOW? Because we wanted to go see a movie first" Hahaha of course she did not let us anymore and she even bragged that she was going with her twins and hubby on Saturday to watch it too.

So Ryan and I decided that we still have time anyway let's go back to the house to get the SLR. Not only were we planning to watch a movie that day, we needed to go and buy a replacement point and shoot cam as ours got broken few weeks back...so if this is really happening now we have no choice but to bring the SLR.

15 mins away from the hospital Ryan got a call on his mobile. It was Dr. Yap!She was looking for us and apparently she's at the labor room and I wasn't there. Hahahaha she wanted to scold me but at least she was relieved that we weren't too stubborn to watch a movie instead of heading to the hospital. At least we are on the way there now. LOL.

PANTAI MEDICAL HOSPITAL:

My oh my the parking lot was packed. Because we were so embarrassed that Dr. Yap was already there I got off and walked myself to the labor room. I even went to the wrong floor where the maternity wards were located and the lady guard even asked what I was doing there -I told here I'm giving birth today.

Once I was settled in the bed Dr. Yap casually walked and informed me "I will break your water bag okay?" then she turned to the nurses "if her contractions do not intensify or not that consistent put a drip on her". Nanay ko!I heard that drip can be painful talaga...before she went for her lunch I was inquiring about the epidural because the pain wasn't too much I thought maybe this time I don't need one. But she told me and Ryan the pain level would be the same so go for the epidural knowing my pain threshold last time. Hehehe..

Ryan went to the car to get the tripod and other stuff. While he was away they made me order my lunch, dinner and breakfast for the next day. When he got back they have delivered my lunch..at this point the pain was beginning to getting into me it was around 12:45 PM. I told Ryan not to starve himself and grab something to eat or he can have my lunch. I don't have the appetite to eat anymore. To distract myself from the more frequent pain of contractions I logged in to FB but cant stay online long enough as it's getting more and more painful. The nurses asked me if I already want my epidural but I still wanted to wait out for a bit. I wonder for what do I like to wait for (I was also like this with Iaree's birth) realistically speaking the pain is unbearable for me. I told them to call the doctor maybe around 1:15 PM ish..we have agreed to this time because they advised that some doctors go back to their homes after lunch so while they are here and haven't gone for lunch yet better catch them.

I tried not to visualize how big the epidural needle is luckily my pain was still bearable so I was still mobile. However it was nerve-racking to hear the Anesthesiologist scolding and I mean really scolding the nurses for preparing the wrong whatever. I only got the part that the epidural will take longer to have an effect on me because of this mistake. In my mind I tried to see the humor in the doctor's angry lecture to the nurses but really?!

After a while the pain started unfortunately 30 mins has passed and the epidural doesn't seem to be helping. This was the agonizing pain here. So they said to wait for a while..after 15 mins more it wasn't doing it for me. My contractions were spiking up to 70-80 and it was crazy. When I came in it was 30-40. I lost track when it was they put the drip to increase the contractions but I guess that's what made matters worst. Seriously it was so pain free during Iaree's labor. I was screaming and crying due to pain and I was under epidural. Then I was also having problems with my right leg which was so numb. I was so uncomfortable. The nurses received instructions to increase my epidural dosage. After a few minutes that didn't help!! They refilled the epidural with more and that somehow helped. That was around 3 PM I guess because everything was happening so fast they checked me twice and I was already 7-8 cm dilated so they have called Dr. Yap back in.

Before 4PM Dr. Yap was prepping me for the delivery. She also declared that it was her birthday that day that's why she was dressed so nicely and I am making her deliver my baby. Hahaha. We also had a Filipino nurse helping us. Dr. Yap was giving me last minute tutorials (in reference to my lack of pushing skills last time). It seemed pretty effective but was not enough. After a few tries (and I was getting really tired) she asked if I needed some help. I said 2 more pushes if I really can't go for the forcep.

They were really very encouraging and they said I was doing good but I still needed help. Good thing I asked for it because there was also another reason I can't bring her out by merely pushing...the cord was tied to Liezl's neck 2 times. So this time they did not give Ryan the option to cut the cord as they had to do it quickly. I am so grateful nothing bad happened to Liezl. As Dr. Yap explained later it was because my umbilical cord was so long that it didn't harm her.

Finally Allysa Rielle was out at 4:15 PM, July 1, 2011. Ryan later came back and told me she weighed 3.59 KG when we were expecting a 3.1 KG baby. It was a painful but rewarding ordeal and I was so happy to have our new baby in my arms. The very very excited ate was getting anxious why she was not allowed to go inside the delivery room but a few hours after she was rewarded with a pretty bundle of playmate wrapped in a pink blanket.