June 1, 2021. The world still stands still crippled by this never-ending pandemic. My mood, resilience and positivity dwindles up and down. I'm here to vent. I'm here to cry so as not to burden anyone of my petty sorrows. We are healthy. We have jobs. We have a semblance of good life that a lot struggle now so who am I to complain. I feel guilty for even feeling bad :(
I googled how to get out of a rut because at this point this pandemic turned most things in a rut. A rut that you just do not have the will and energy to choose a new tv show that used to be a fun pastime few weeks ago. A rut where your patience is paper-thin you have a hard time embracing people and their flaws at home and at work. I pride myself always seeing the bright side of things but who will pull me out when I fall into the darkness.
I pray...I pray before I sleep, when I wake up, as I drive to work, as I walk around zombified. I'm still here in the dark. So is everyone else. This pandemic has taken away the ability to look forward to something because no matter how much you plan...what's the point. The pandemic will take it away because the virus evolved faster than experts can protect you. You end up frustrated and helpless.
This rant was brought about the reality that we will never ever have a dog. Shallow I know and I understand the reason why we will not get a dog and I even accept it. It just stirred a part of me like someone dropping a spoonful of coffee in a mug of milk...my lips says I am fine with it. My brain even says so too and the brain is so smart it even lists down why we cannot and should not have a dog. Am I too stubborn to move on? Like all things maybe I should just blame this on the pandemic. Maybe our routine and lives will flow differently and I wouldn't be daydreaming of walking the dog in a park, teaching it tricks because I would be busy packing for a trip to US, Europe or even Philippines. Maybe in a world without the pandemic I am so busy volunteering, meeting with friends building my professional network thinking about extra-curricular for the kids. The kids will be busy with their friends and will not be glued to the screen and I will not want them to have a dog to get busy with. Now now Rhodora let's do what you do best. Bury that yearning feeling deep deep deep in the midst of your soul that you forget it ever existed.
Sorry kiddo...if one day you discovered this blog I hope that you have for yourself fulfilled dream to have a furry companion and didn't let anyone stop you.
