An old adage says...no man is an island.
This is especially true to me. I think that's what's harder for me here in Canada. I can't connect to anyone here the way I connected to my friends in Philippines or Malaysia. Even my KL lunch buddies are more relatable than people surrounding me here.
It's driving me insane because there's no safe sounding board for me anymore. I can't even cry well the tears roll out but after a good cry I am usually fine. I just find myself bottling everything up inside to function on my day to day. I pride myself before as being patient and understanding...nowadays I snap more often. Crack under pressure and it just keeps piling inside like a heavy weight on my chest.
This wouldn't happen if I just have someone to unload once in a while and still be silly. My friends hear me out don't give nonsense advice most especially dont lecture me and they dont get equally stressed when I rant. When the timing is right they know I am done and can be goofy again. Likewise I love hearing them rant about their lives too makes me feel I am not alone.
I guess I learned the hard way what is more important for me...family, friends and a good career. Money is just secondary. Sure I drive my husband over the wall in my ideal lifestyle but most often I feel that's to fill the void inside me. Because I felt happy carving pumpkin with the kids, I felt happy just sitting and watching a movie with them, I felt happy when we have bus commute adventures together.Of course kids will be kids and they act out and stuff. Iaree more intense in her episodes and its really tough to be going through this knowing that I am not enough and that something can be done. Oh God help me :( :( :(
Oct 31, 2017
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