It’s funny how my husbandry is not seloso “daw” kse wen the guy who I THOUGHT was the love of my life from the previous decade and another planet suddenly texted me. Ganito ang drama namin…
D: Mahal may opening ba sa inyo ng ECE?
R: Ewan ko…bakit sino ba yan?
D: Aa..e..ayun hulaan mo na…
R: Ummm...bakit gusto na nya lumipat e di ba maganda naman sa company nila?
D: (surprised to the nth power?? Baket close sila? E ni hindi ko nga alam anong meron sa career nun?) Ahh…mahal…sino ba ang akala mo?
R: (napaisip)
D: (nabuko na may ibang pwedeng pagselosan…hmmm)
R: (cool lng…) ah kala ko kse si (insert name of friend here) sa mga close friends ko you can text me for the name para klaro lng kung sino at hindi kung sino-sino iniisip nyo dyan! Eh sino ba yan?
D: Si ano…(insert name here)
*bigla akong nagsisi na we had this conversation in front of my mom na nanonood ng tv pero surely ang tenga nasa amin (akala ko kse iwas blood shed)…lalayuan ko muna si motherlily later dahil baka makurot ako sa singit.
Next chapter:
Pag akyat sa room…
D: Mahal di ka naman nagseselos di ba?
R: Di no...
Ahhh...ok so mature!besides wala namang dapat ika-selos dahil nagtatanong lng naman ang gung-gong about job openings.
11 pm-ish
May nag vibrate sa bed….super sleepy na ako I don’t want to check kung kaninong cellphone yun.
R: (insert my nickname here) nasan ang cellphone mo?
D: Andito…(in between dreams and right senses)
R: May nag-vibrate kse baka may text ka
D: (narinig ko pa yun pero din a nag-cooperate ang bibig ko to reply knockout na naman ako…)
After unknown several minutes he’s still reading my cellphone
D: (super wala pa din sa right senses) mahal may nagtext ba?
R: (chuckled at dali-daling binalik ang cellphone sa tabi ko) hehehe...binabasa ko...
Deadma antok na antok pa din ako. Na-cutean talaga ako kse super denial si mokong and when it comes to “him” mas nagselos pa sya sa iba kesa sa kanya..so may I sleep ako with a smile on my face.
Mga madaling araw na..kinapa ko cellphone ko kse feeling ko yung conversation namin panaginip lang lahat…when I turned my cellphone on it’s all real kahit groge ako sa pagka-antok. At ang magaling kong asawa sent messages pa ang binabasa…hmp!feeling naman nya napaka-sweet ng pinagttxt ko ke (um. yun na). Again knockout ako after….
When I woke up at good mood din si Ryan I told him—“naughty ka may ginawa ka kagabi no?”...Caught in a dead end…
R: hehehe!oo sinabi ko naman sayo na may nagtext eh ayaw mong gumising to check it.
D: Ahh…so may nag-text nga ba?
R: Wala
D: Eh anong binasa mo?
R: Lahat.
D: Ahh..eh di mahal nabasa mo yung text ni Ma’am Cecille?
R: Ummm..hindi. (pa-cute pa. in fairness cute naman)
D: Ahhh...eh akala ko ba lahat nabasa mo?
R: Eeehhh...lahat lng ng kay ”papa”
D: (bastos na to papa ang tawag baka sila nga ang may relasyon…hahahaha)
Well pano kme naghiwalay in the morning? Tawa ako ng tawa feeling mahaba ang buhok kahit na yung walang kamalay malay na texter eh nagtatanong lng po ng opening sa dating kong company napagselosan pa…ay oo nga pala di sya nagseselos. Pero di ako tinantanan ng mga pangungulit na…super cute talaga. Even when I’m writing this naaliw ako pag iniisip ko si Ryan…and sa totoo lng kung looks lang pagbabasehan dapat ako yata ang selosa! Hahahaha!
******************************
In relation to that texter, pagka-graduate ko pa lng and kakasimula ko pa lng as an HR in NEC super dream ko nang ma-interview sya and magmalaki whatsoever. Yung feeling boss na high and mighty kahit hindi. Now it’s happening! Well kinda. Of course 7 months too late kse wala na nga ako sa NEC at goodness I was there for almost 4 years…nakakatawa pero wala lng palang effect nang mangyari and dati ko pang hinahangad. Mas masarap talaga ang fairy tales na hindi ko pa nasusulat sa literature journal ko. Mas spontaneous and unexpected ang lovelife ngayon...sabi na tlaga all in God’s grace!
*******************************
Sa fictional lovestory pa din…
Over na sa kilig ang hatid ni Jang-Guem at Kapitan! Although since I started watching Jewel in the Palace from a DVD I miss the in between background music of “ako’y alipin mong …” Hahaha!Baduy and of course yung pang cut at pang emphasize ng moment na.."unti-unting mararating..kalangitan at bituin". Sobra na akong affected! Napupuyat kme kse I don’t want to go to sleep na malungkot si Jang-Guem dapat happy ang takbo ng story at hindi nambubulabog ang mga Choi. Well, (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT) super happy ako na nag-tanan ang dalawa pero nagbabadya na maudlot..GRRR!!Actually pina-stop ko kay Ryan kse parang di kaya ng puso ko…I’m so happy for them and super doooper kakilig ang “pa-cute moments nila”. Ryan had to talk me out of it…actually he was already asking me to go downstairs para tapusin na nya at di ako istorbo. Last CD na namin tonight!! Grabe!!! Todo na ito!!!Tinalo ang pagkahumaling ko sa Lovers in Paris…siguro kse adik na adik din si Ryan..mwahahaha! (I'm gonna be killed that I'm letting out his secret) Actually I really think I'm gonna be killed for this entire entry...hahaha!! Love you Deng!!
Feb 24, 2006
Feb 3, 2006
On Planning...
My best friend shared with me this...I don't know where she got it from but I liked it a lot and it speaks so much of what I've gone through in life not just recently but I guess the past, present & future struggles that I have as a daughter, sister, wife, HR, student, friend...
The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner.
I like planners because I am a planner.
I like thinking ahead.
I like being prepared.
I get a high from being on top of things.
But some things are beyond planning.
And life doesn't always turn out as planned.
You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.
You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.
You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.
You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.
Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.
Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially whenHis plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.
Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.
Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
{Thanks Auie!I miss you sooo much!}
The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner.
I like planners because I am a planner.
I like thinking ahead.
I like being prepared.
I get a high from being on top of things.
But some things are beyond planning.
And life doesn't always turn out as planned.
You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.
You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.
You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.
You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered.
Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.
Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially whenHis plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.
Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.
Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
{Thanks Auie!I miss you sooo much!}
Jan 29, 2006
Pag walang maisulat sa paper mag-emote na lng...
Life's about choices you just have to deal with the consequences.
I'm thinking about that while I'm stuck with my paper due tomorrow. Imagine paying for high tuition fees for a subject that you don't get to meet with your professor but you're supposed to submit a weekly paper (via email) that summarizes two articles/journals/chapter of the book..whatever. You also have to give a critique and a reaction. If only she didn't specify that "finding the article too boring" doesn't count as a reaction, my "reactions" in the paper will be longer than what she's asking for. AAArrrgh!!Really... I asked my classmates if they're learning something from this and you can probably guess their response.
Of course life is about choices but I couldn't and wouldn't dare fail this last subject for my masters.
I'm thinking about that while I'm stuck with my paper due tomorrow. Imagine paying for high tuition fees for a subject that you don't get to meet with your professor but you're supposed to submit a weekly paper (via email) that summarizes two articles/journals/chapter of the book..whatever. You also have to give a critique and a reaction. If only she didn't specify that "finding the article too boring" doesn't count as a reaction, my "reactions" in the paper will be longer than what she's asking for. AAArrrgh!!Really... I asked my classmates if they're learning something from this and you can probably guess their response.
Of course life is about choices but I couldn't and wouldn't dare fail this last subject for my masters.
Jan 27, 2006
Life's Simple Joys
2005 had been a wonderful year for me. It marked our first year as husband and wife and he took me to Palawan to celebrate. We’ve been coordinating for more than a year and earned the trust of many couples. I switched job and finally reached supervisory level at my ideally set age. I’ve renewed my friendship with my bestfriend and after 3 years of being away from each other we finally got the hang of how to communicate and be the best of friends overseas. We had new toys like our play station & xda’s. Almost finished all my academic subjects if not for La Salle who didn’t offer my last 2 subjects last term. Improved relationship with my mom and brother. Aand a lot more things I’m so thankful to the Lord everyday!
I was so confident our life was going the way we planned it. For my birthday this year we were planning to go to –Antonio’s in Tagaytay or Baguio driving our own car. Actually Ryan is even insisting going out of town like Boracay or Davao especially when he was able to close a project at the end of the year, received plenty of bonuses etc. We exceeded our target for the year and to mark it, after Christmas, he took me shopping and I was able to buy 3 pairs of shoes including my first boots that looked very very sexy matching it with jeans or nice fitting slacks. Life was so fast tracked and God told us to slow down…my mother-in-law collapsed a had a stroke. Suddenly the abundance of material things and the promise of a luxurious living beyond what we grew up in didn’t matter. I took it hard. I am not a materialistic girl who have to acquire a lot to be happy (although I must admit that I can be a gadget queen once in a while as some of my former officemates labelled me) but one common thing about me and Ryan is that we have big dreams. We have a perfect picture of how we want life to be.
Tomorrow I’m turning 26. For a girl who grew up always celebrating birthdays with a bang (because my family always made a big deal out of birthdays) I should be crying my heart out not having a grand day tomorrow but I’m not. Check out how I celebrated d-day last year . I even asked myself if I’m sure I’m not sad or anything close to that. How do I want to celebrate it? I want to hear mass at Greenbelt chapel (my favorite sanctuary). Before Christmas I wanted to have my hair fixed it’s so unruly na! I don’t think “beautification” is an option. I want to have ice cream! My favorite Coffee Crumble. Pag ginanahan ako I will make myself buko pandan or any salad and finally I want to play Harvest Moon all day! I want to have a hot stone massage at Fitness First since we bought a whole year worth of massage anyway and I haven’t used it for this month. (Kaso lang as if nagpa-sched ako…hello!) Back to reality naman kse the next day, I have to finish my weekly assignment due on Monday otherwise lagi akong absent ng Monday like what I recently did. Hehehe…quiet!
So is happiness a choice? A debatable question my professor asked us in my Positive Psychology. Sometimes when you don’t plan to be happy things that can and will make you happy comes to you. Most days it comes as a choice. You can dwell all you want on the things that make you feel bad or you can be happy despite of… You don’t have to consciously do it because happiness is so strong that it becomes spontaneous.
The experience of losing everything we have and even owing what we don’t have yet made me have a better perspective on things. In some ways it validated our marriage and strengthened our vows(for better or for worst kind of stuff). I have loved and lost so many times (and I’m not talking about the guys I stumbled upon before I found my perfect match.) Lola, Tita Glecy and my Lolo all passed on and left a remarkable statement at different points of my life. Life is short and everything has an end. It’s a lesson I need to be reminded of once in a while.
As I slowed down these past few days there are things I took note:
~the joysss of having a wonderful man as my husband who is strong to face the trials yet gentle in his ways of showing love to me and his family
~the joy of finally having a great boss, who trusts me, listens to me, guides me and respects me. Who can be as professional in dealing with HR matters that are so emotionally and mentally draining and be a friend who listens to my heartaches and shares her own. Making me forget how chaotic our organization is!
~the joy of having my mom visit the house frequently and taste the home cooked meals we never tasted before because she was so busy with work when we were kids. Even if I still have better culinary skills than her…hahaha! conceited!
~the joy of being able to relate to my teenage younger brother who is so guarded most of the times.
~the joy of being closer to my in-laws starting from my sisters-in-law, father-in-law and the rest of the extended family. Getting one step closer to completely understanding their dialect. Nakakarelate na ako kahit papano!
~the joy of watching Jewel in the Palace with a very excited and eager Ryan! Geez it has to be said that my husband and I are soo hooked …hmmm last year I was like this with Lovers in Paris.
~the joy of finally having somebody to help around the house especially now that my time is not only divided by schoolwork since we also frequent the hospital after office.
I can talk endlessly about the blessings I received and it seems that counting all my blessings it can be my birthday everyday, with or without the celebration and definitely without the ageing!
I’m just happy and I’m at peace. More than I thought I'd be on my birthday. For now I let life come to me but I make sure I make the most out of it and live it to the fullest! God knows best and I have all the love in the world my heart could ever contain. That's enough to keep me going and be happy.
I was so confident our life was going the way we planned it. For my birthday this year we were planning to go to –Antonio’s in Tagaytay or Baguio driving our own car. Actually Ryan is even insisting going out of town like Boracay or Davao especially when he was able to close a project at the end of the year, received plenty of bonuses etc. We exceeded our target for the year and to mark it, after Christmas, he took me shopping and I was able to buy 3 pairs of shoes including my first boots that looked very very sexy matching it with jeans or nice fitting slacks. Life was so fast tracked and God told us to slow down…my mother-in-law collapsed a had a stroke. Suddenly the abundance of material things and the promise of a luxurious living beyond what we grew up in didn’t matter. I took it hard. I am not a materialistic girl who have to acquire a lot to be happy (although I must admit that I can be a gadget queen once in a while as some of my former officemates labelled me) but one common thing about me and Ryan is that we have big dreams. We have a perfect picture of how we want life to be.
Tomorrow I’m turning 26. For a girl who grew up always celebrating birthdays with a bang (because my family always made a big deal out of birthdays) I should be crying my heart out not having a grand day tomorrow but I’m not. Check out how I celebrated d-day last year . I even asked myself if I’m sure I’m not sad or anything close to that. How do I want to celebrate it? I want to hear mass at Greenbelt chapel (my favorite sanctuary). Before Christmas I wanted to have my hair fixed it’s so unruly na! I don’t think “beautification” is an option. I want to have ice cream! My favorite Coffee Crumble. Pag ginanahan ako I will make myself buko pandan or any salad and finally I want to play Harvest Moon all day! I want to have a hot stone massage at Fitness First since we bought a whole year worth of massage anyway and I haven’t used it for this month. (Kaso lang as if nagpa-sched ako…hello!) Back to reality naman kse the next day, I have to finish my weekly assignment due on Monday otherwise lagi akong absent ng Monday like what I recently did. Hehehe…quiet!
So is happiness a choice? A debatable question my professor asked us in my Positive Psychology. Sometimes when you don’t plan to be happy things that can and will make you happy comes to you. Most days it comes as a choice. You can dwell all you want on the things that make you feel bad or you can be happy despite of… You don’t have to consciously do it because happiness is so strong that it becomes spontaneous.
The experience of losing everything we have and even owing what we don’t have yet made me have a better perspective on things. In some ways it validated our marriage and strengthened our vows(for better or for worst kind of stuff). I have loved and lost so many times (and I’m not talking about the guys I stumbled upon before I found my perfect match.) Lola, Tita Glecy and my Lolo all passed on and left a remarkable statement at different points of my life. Life is short and everything has an end. It’s a lesson I need to be reminded of once in a while.
As I slowed down these past few days there are things I took note:
~the joysss of having a wonderful man as my husband who is strong to face the trials yet gentle in his ways of showing love to me and his family
~the joy of finally having a great boss, who trusts me, listens to me, guides me and respects me. Who can be as professional in dealing with HR matters that are so emotionally and mentally draining and be a friend who listens to my heartaches and shares her own. Making me forget how chaotic our organization is!
~the joy of having my mom visit the house frequently and taste the home cooked meals we never tasted before because she was so busy with work when we were kids. Even if I still have better culinary skills than her…hahaha! conceited!
~the joy of being able to relate to my teenage younger brother who is so guarded most of the times.
~the joy of being closer to my in-laws starting from my sisters-in-law, father-in-law and the rest of the extended family. Getting one step closer to completely understanding their dialect. Nakakarelate na ako kahit papano!
~the joy of watching Jewel in the Palace with a very excited and eager Ryan! Geez it has to be said that my husband and I are soo hooked …hmmm last year I was like this with Lovers in Paris.
~the joy of finally having somebody to help around the house especially now that my time is not only divided by schoolwork since we also frequent the hospital after office.
I can talk endlessly about the blessings I received and it seems that counting all my blessings it can be my birthday everyday, with or without the celebration and definitely without the ageing!
I’m just happy and I’m at peace. More than I thought I'd be on my birthday. For now I let life come to me but I make sure I make the most out of it and live it to the fullest! God knows best and I have all the love in the world my heart could ever contain. That's enough to keep me going and be happy.
Jan 20, 2006
Stolen Shot
Background music:...pretty woman walking down the street..pretty woman..
Yes! Stolen shot yan alangan naman magposing-posing pa ako while crossing the street eh di nasagasaan ako da vah?!. I'm just a happy-walker..hehehe. Actually I'm posting this because this might be the last picture/evidence you will see me sane.
How timely I'm studying psychopathology and I feel I'll be diagnosing myself with a disorder listed in the DSM-IV anytime soon. I need an outlet!! Healthy outlet ba ang studies ko if all our 2-chapter-thick-readings per subject are so full of medical jargon that I have to look up and visualize before I could connect with mental disorder or behavior?? I'm not just talking about simple anatomy or biological traces here ha...the intricacies of it pa. Then again I'm just fooling myself that this is what's bothering me. Forgive the incoherence of this post.. yaiks symptoms na ito ng cognitive dysfunction!waaah!
Jan 16, 2006
Would appreciate your PRAYERS...
If it's been a while since I posted, it will take a lot longer before I could update this again. I've been really busy even if I have so many stories to tell. Being busy is one thing but having a crisis in our life is another.
My mother-in-law, Ruby was rushed to the hospital last January 6 (Friday). It was after office and as usual Ryan and I can't wait to get home because we fight over who plays first with the playstation. However, before Ryan picked me up (literally as he was walking towards our office) he was informed that mama fainted at the restroom of Select along North Luzon Expressway. He gave instructions that she be brought immediately to a nearby hospital. They were somewhere in Bulacan. Worried that he doesn't know how to get there he decided not to take me along despite my protests. We never imagined it was that bad. I was even thinking that maybe it's okay to be left behind since we have a wedding the next day. I wanted him to have dinner first and prepare his bag at least for an overnight but Ryan was too anxious that he just wanted to be there immediately. He was on the road and we were in constant communication when he told me that it is aneurysm and they are transferring her to another hospital in Marilao where they could attend to her case. I was in stupor. I am not exaggerating but except for talking to Clarice I did nothing. I was scared and I wanted to be there as well. I asked my aunt if she could take me to Marilao but I could hear fatigue in her voice already. She is willing to but the car has to be fixed and she's waiting for a phone patch for her nightly radio program. I waited and I even looked for a van or car for rent. It's already 10PM! I ended up doing nothing...I figured it's too much to ask my aunt to drive me to Marilao when she still has work the next day even if she had the car fixed for me. I cancelled on our wedding. I plan to go there first thing in the morning. I finally fell asleep past 2AM.
That felt like ages ago...now after another series of events she's now confined at the UST Public Hospital. Her anuerysm left undiagnosed because they initially had to evacuate the hemmorage in the brain after she deteriorated so instantly before us so the angiogram that could localize the problem cannot be done unless she improves. The weight of all the decision (from the simplest to the most complex life & death call) was given to Ryan. Maybe in shock or in confusion his father can't decide anymore, which is understandable. Lola wants to be involved yet emotionally cannot handle it. Ryan has to be the strong one. We never faced any tougher role than this. The decision maker and financial provider. While Ryan tries hard to be strong for them I try hard to be strong for Ryan and there are days that tears cannot help but fall.
Though we are hoping for a miracle we are not praying for one. I'm happy that Ryan knows that God has His own will. We are praying that if mama stays with us that she recovers soon and not suffer like that but if He wants to take her already then don't make it such an agony to her and the family. There are many things to thank Him for like helping mama be stable enough to get transferred to UST, the love and concern of the entire family both mama & papa's side, the financial assistance that is coming in that helps somehow, the support of my family and friends that really really means a lot, the staff of UST Hospital who are all so good and vanished all our misconceptions on Charity Wards...As much as we thank Him for all the good things it's so hard to move pass cloudy thoughts. To worry about our future when all that we've put up are going down the drain. To worry if there is enough help to financially support the procedure mama still has to undergo. To worry if mama can physically endure all of what needs to be done to her...Difficult or hard doesn't even come close to how we would describe it but in life you cannot just choose your battles. I just pray we'll know how to fight ours.
My mother-in-law, Ruby was rushed to the hospital last January 6 (Friday). It was after office and as usual Ryan and I can't wait to get home because we fight over who plays first with the playstation. However, before Ryan picked me up (literally as he was walking towards our office) he was informed that mama fainted at the restroom of Select along North Luzon Expressway. He gave instructions that she be brought immediately to a nearby hospital. They were somewhere in Bulacan. Worried that he doesn't know how to get there he decided not to take me along despite my protests. We never imagined it was that bad. I was even thinking that maybe it's okay to be left behind since we have a wedding the next day. I wanted him to have dinner first and prepare his bag at least for an overnight but Ryan was too anxious that he just wanted to be there immediately. He was on the road and we were in constant communication when he told me that it is aneurysm and they are transferring her to another hospital in Marilao where they could attend to her case. I was in stupor. I am not exaggerating but except for talking to Clarice I did nothing. I was scared and I wanted to be there as well. I asked my aunt if she could take me to Marilao but I could hear fatigue in her voice already. She is willing to but the car has to be fixed and she's waiting for a phone patch for her nightly radio program. I waited and I even looked for a van or car for rent. It's already 10PM! I ended up doing nothing...I figured it's too much to ask my aunt to drive me to Marilao when she still has work the next day even if she had the car fixed for me. I cancelled on our wedding. I plan to go there first thing in the morning. I finally fell asleep past 2AM.
That felt like ages ago...now after another series of events she's now confined at the UST Public Hospital. Her anuerysm left undiagnosed because they initially had to evacuate the hemmorage in the brain after she deteriorated so instantly before us so the angiogram that could localize the problem cannot be done unless she improves. The weight of all the decision (from the simplest to the most complex life & death call) was given to Ryan. Maybe in shock or in confusion his father can't decide anymore, which is understandable. Lola wants to be involved yet emotionally cannot handle it. Ryan has to be the strong one. We never faced any tougher role than this. The decision maker and financial provider. While Ryan tries hard to be strong for them I try hard to be strong for Ryan and there are days that tears cannot help but fall.
Though we are hoping for a miracle we are not praying for one. I'm happy that Ryan knows that God has His own will. We are praying that if mama stays with us that she recovers soon and not suffer like that but if He wants to take her already then don't make it such an agony to her and the family. There are many things to thank Him for like helping mama be stable enough to get transferred to UST, the love and concern of the entire family both mama & papa's side, the financial assistance that is coming in that helps somehow, the support of my family and friends that really really means a lot, the staff of UST Hospital who are all so good and vanished all our misconceptions on Charity Wards...As much as we thank Him for all the good things it's so hard to move pass cloudy thoughts. To worry about our future when all that we've put up are going down the drain. To worry if there is enough help to financially support the procedure mama still has to undergo. To worry if mama can physically endure all of what needs to be done to her...Difficult or hard doesn't even come close to how we would describe it but in life you cannot just choose your battles. I just pray we'll know how to fight ours.
Dec 5, 2005
Unforgivable
Ewan ko kung mapapatawad ko pa si Ryan sa ginawa nya.
To think I gave him all my love and care...
I gave him all the support because he wanted to reach the top. I know he'll be very happy if he succeed so I did not hold back. I did everything and took his goals very seriously. Kinareer ko ang pagtulong sa kanya.
Tapos nung mabuking ko ang kalokohan nya tumawa lng ng tumawa. Sinadya nya talaga...may intentions na sya! Nilinlang nya ako!
Well di na sya makakaulit sa akin!
Sa susunod na humingi pa sya ng tulong sa akin para maka-hiscore sa text twist sisiguraduhin ko na xda nya yung ginagamit nya at hindi sa akin. At lagi ko nang itatago xda ko from him... Grrr...tlga! Ang sipag pa naman nyang bunuin yung mga 3 letter words eh ako makuha ko lng yung 6 letter words ninenext game ko na. Huhuhuhu...super layo ng hi-score nya sa hi-score ko!
Hay naku Ryan may araw ka din sa akin! Mwahaha. (evil laugh)
To think I gave him all my love and care...
I gave him all the support because he wanted to reach the top. I know he'll be very happy if he succeed so I did not hold back. I did everything and took his goals very seriously. Kinareer ko ang pagtulong sa kanya.
Tapos nung mabuking ko ang kalokohan nya tumawa lng ng tumawa. Sinadya nya talaga...may intentions na sya! Nilinlang nya ako!
Well di na sya makakaulit sa akin!
Sa susunod na humingi pa sya ng tulong sa akin para maka-hiscore sa text twist sisiguraduhin ko na xda nya yung ginagamit nya at hindi sa akin. At lagi ko nang itatago xda ko from him... Grrr...tlga! Ang sipag pa naman nyang bunuin yung mga 3 letter words eh ako makuha ko lng yung 6 letter words ninenext game ko na. Huhuhuhu...super layo ng hi-score nya sa hi-score ko!
Hay naku Ryan may araw ka din sa akin! Mwahaha. (evil laugh)
Dec 1, 2005
Tough job! Tough girl?
An HR job is really not for everybody and I am starting to wonder if it's even for me.
Back in 2000 when I started as an HR Assistant I realized that this job makes enemies. No matter how nice you are, the better HR you become the more they hate you. A fresh grad like me was so shocked that I got confronted by a manager mediated by our Controller. Siding the management or the people is something we can't do. So it begins....
Five years passed and I'm still here despite my claims that I'd rather teach than work in an office. What I do love about the job is the chance to actually help people. Exactly why I took up Psychology. Here kasi you make enemies with some and you are the bestfriend of some. You get to be the enemy for not giving employees what they want. They complain about something, request for something or wants something in the system changed and if they don't get it you're the antagonist. Most of people forget that HR's do defend their position (if it's reasonable) to management but we can't bad mouth management to them or totally demotivate them by agreeing with them. Would you prefer that the person you consult always agree with what you say or promise to give you what you wanted but at the back of their mind really oppose you? The thing is I defend both sides to both sides. I make both sides see what they are not seeing.
The other day I had this very good conversation with my boss who is now my new idol. I was so moved by the things that she told me. I never did understand her at first, the same err most people commit towards HR people, but this talk changed everything. She made me see obvious things that we tend to miss out. Like, I could choose to be the most popular person in the crowd or I could choose to do the right thing even if it means contradicting what people are saying. She's the perfect example of the nicest person on earth yet so unpopular among the employees. She taught me how to make careful judgements about people and not assume anything unless it's based on facts. She taught me that our job requires us to take the fall if its' for the company's good. She taught me that if we can say bad things about another person then we are capable of saying bad things against anybody's back.
What breaks my heart though is in the past five years there are always people who doesn't look beyond what you do and see who you really are. Who judge you not for the choices you are compelled to make as a call of duty but for the friend that you can be.
Surprisingly though, for whatever "political?" reason I'm being outcasted lately, I'm not bothered and I'm not crying. (Being the cry baby that I am) I haven't even mentioned it to Ryan kasi I totally don't remember it when I go home. But if my theory is correct, which I really really hope it isn't, then I pity the people who cannot think for themselves and just goes with the flow.
Yes, I'll be sticking around. Another wise manager once told me that it could be worst out there than here. For as long as I have a good paying job and a very sensible boss I'll be here. Hoping that one day I can make a difference.
Back in 2000 when I started as an HR Assistant I realized that this job makes enemies. No matter how nice you are, the better HR you become the more they hate you. A fresh grad like me was so shocked that I got confronted by a manager mediated by our Controller. Siding the management or the people is something we can't do. So it begins....
Five years passed and I'm still here despite my claims that I'd rather teach than work in an office. What I do love about the job is the chance to actually help people. Exactly why I took up Psychology. Here kasi you make enemies with some and you are the bestfriend of some. You get to be the enemy for not giving employees what they want. They complain about something, request for something or wants something in the system changed and if they don't get it you're the antagonist. Most of people forget that HR's do defend their position (if it's reasonable) to management but we can't bad mouth management to them or totally demotivate them by agreeing with them. Would you prefer that the person you consult always agree with what you say or promise to give you what you wanted but at the back of their mind really oppose you? The thing is I defend both sides to both sides. I make both sides see what they are not seeing.
The other day I had this very good conversation with my boss who is now my new idol. I was so moved by the things that she told me. I never did understand her at first, the same err most people commit towards HR people, but this talk changed everything. She made me see obvious things that we tend to miss out. Like, I could choose to be the most popular person in the crowd or I could choose to do the right thing even if it means contradicting what people are saying. She's the perfect example of the nicest person on earth yet so unpopular among the employees. She taught me how to make careful judgements about people and not assume anything unless it's based on facts. She taught me that our job requires us to take the fall if its' for the company's good. She taught me that if we can say bad things about another person then we are capable of saying bad things against anybody's back.
What breaks my heart though is in the past five years there are always people who doesn't look beyond what you do and see who you really are. Who judge you not for the choices you are compelled to make as a call of duty but for the friend that you can be.
Surprisingly though, for whatever "political?" reason I'm being outcasted lately, I'm not bothered and I'm not crying. (Being the cry baby that I am) I haven't even mentioned it to Ryan kasi I totally don't remember it when I go home. But if my theory is correct, which I really really hope it isn't, then I pity the people who cannot think for themselves and just goes with the flow.
Yes, I'll be sticking around. Another wise manager once told me that it could be worst out there than here. For as long as I have a good paying job and a very sensible boss I'll be here. Hoping that one day I can make a difference.
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