Pregnancy journals

*Miscarriage scare*

What I used to read on the posts of fellow expectant moms in my e-group about losing their baby, almost came so real to me. Sunday after mass, Ryan and I decided to do some grocery. While he checked out some stuff from the diving shop for our weekend trip with the recruitment team I went to the restroom to pee. Before I stood up I noticed blood. Immediately I searched for Ryan praying that everything will be just fine and talking to my baby to hold on and be strong.

When we reached the hospital, they immediately took me in via emergency room and while waiting for the doctor I really can't help but cry. I know I'm supposed to relax but suddenly it dawned on me that all the stress and the physical strain of working for the weekend jobfair could have caused this. I feel so scared that I am putting our baby's life in the line because of my job. I could tell that Ryan was trying to hold his control being worried for me and the baby and being so sweet not to scold me even if he told me to stay at home & rest than work that Saturday. I was so impressed on how Ryan tried to hold up and be strong for me so that I will stop worrying...but I can tell in his eyes that he was too.

As per my OB's orders I was admitted. Surprisingly at the ER here they do not do a lot of test compared with ER in the Phil - well of course it has it's pros & cons.
I told Ryan to just get a ward since my insurance does not cover any pregnancy related illness and we do not know how much this hospitalization will cost us. I sent an SMS to my boss telling him about my situation. Kinabahan tuloy sya and naguilty kse alam nyang pinagtrabaho nya ako ng weekend. In fairness the ward here is so nice wala lng tv pero parang hotel ha. I had this impression kse of wards in the Philippines and good thing it was not even a fraction of that. All four beds were empty so I had the entire ward by myself which was actually a good thing since companions of the patients are not allowed to stay there overnight. The following day if we didn't follow it up due to the carelessness of my doctor's assistant they haven't done any tests to me yet. Promise ha all this waiting is causing me so much anxiety. Ryan & I were suspecting it had nothing to do with the baby but more on my urine. This was confirmed after they did the test. My doctor allowed me to go home but under strict orders that I should rest and take it easy.

It was indeed a big sigh of relief for us after the ultrasound and all that the baby was fine. Although my bleeding from the urinary tract had to be treated somehow. After this I told myself I will take care of myself more...mahirap na I don't want to lose our first baby and it's not as simple. Nine months of bearing a child in the womb is really a task that even if you have really been with the baby physically I mean cuddle and take care of him the attachment is there. As I always expected and thought of there should be a certain preparedness in pregnancy and parenthood. Kaya nga it took us a while before we got into it and no matter how prepared you are, regardless of the books you read, the research you've done (not to emphasize that I'm mastering Human Development and have more than enough materials on all aspects of human development) you can't always have the answer to every situation.

*Antenatal classes*

For this month (April) we enrolled at the hospital's antenatal classes. Ryan & I are often clueless on a lot of things and it will be a good help to hear it from the experts at the same time get a feel of what their practices are here.

It was very educational!Scary and...scary..hehehe! Especially for me who has very low tolerance of pain. I mean they explained what to expect and even showed us the needle for the epidural. While listening to the explanations sino bang di matatakot noh!

I kept on comparing myself to the other pregnant women in the class and boy are their tummies bulging!I am so glad Ryan joined me in these classes because he's now so educated about giving birth and all. Especially the possibility that daddies faint during the labor or panic etc.

We so love this hospital so far they only encourage breastfeeding nothing else and the nurses assigned in the station are so trained for that. Plus since mommy will be so tired after the delivery they will teach daddy how to bathe and take care of the baby. Awww...that's so sweet (and brilliant, para may enough rest si mommy)!!Although Ryan is scared in holding a vulnerable baby I'm sure he'll do just fine. =)

*Car for convenience(?)*

Since the cost of cars & petrol (hahaha, sanay na tlga ako sa Malaysian terms) is cheap we have been planning for so long to buy our own. Rental is also an option pero computing it mas lalabas na mahal. Unfortunately if you're an expat (naks!) mas costly & we have to find a guarantor etc. Taking taxi cabs are draining us I mean I take a cab going home for me was tolerable on our budget but with Ryan's crazy schedule his only option going home is also to take a cab with a 50% mark up kse past 12 midnight na. Not to mention with the baby it's not so ideal for us to travel around in public transpo. Good thing Chris one of the senior Pinoys here in MY will move back to the Phils he's actually selling his car but it's too small for us. Just the car seat of the Chicco stroller we are checking out will occupy the space in the car and we cannot do anymore grocery once the baby is here. So we told him if he likes pa-rent n muna nya sa amin. He agreed naman so hatid sundo na ako ni Ryan and maybe after I give birth if our extra money will still allow it saka na kme kukuha ng car na fit tlga for us. Nakakaloka pala mag-second hand! Walang pang one month ang dami nang sakit ng kotse na tyumempo pa sa amin. Another thought masarap palang may driver kse tinuturuan ako ni Ryan magdrive tamad na tamad ako..kahit tuloy wala pa sya tulog from night shift hatid sundo pa din nya ako...hehehee.bad!Dinadahilan ko ang hirap mag-drive kse buntis ako...hahaha!(sana saka n nya mabasa to)

*Baby nightmares*

Hala!I had a baby nightmare last week (May) as in we have two baby girls na who are so naughty and hyperactive hindi masaway. When I woke up Ryan had it from me. Pano ba naman everytime Ryan pictures our baby super daming naughty side na kinekwento nya at susuportahan. Cute daw kse! Aba aba aba!!

*Shy baby*

Since I got hospitalized on my 6th month every doctor's visit was something we look forward to because we so want to know the baby's gender already. I know it's safer and more practical to stick to neutral colors & items for the baby but I can't help it the gender specific items are too cute to pass on. I sooooooooo wanted to shop na!I have benn holding back for months since I got pregnant. Same as how I held back not buying maternity clothes since none of it fit me anyway.

Anyway for the 6th month baby was facing mommy and only the buttocks were showing. 7th month check up the doctor had difficulty figuring it out since it wasn't such an ideal position. 8th month, the most recent one baby was covering his/her genitals with his/her two legs. Sorry mommy & daddy it will be a surprise. Anyway Florence is more frustrated than us everytime we go home from a checkup with no news what the baby's gender is. Hahaha! Affected tlga si Florence. Anyway sabi ni Ryan paglabas ni baby may suot ng diaper sa sobrang pagkamahiyain. Super suspense tlga ang gender nya ha. Pinagiisipan ko pa if we will go for the 4D ang mahal kse ang dami ko nang mabibili na baby items. But it seems like daddy really wants to go for it..every checkup dala nya ang digicam at vinevideo nya ang ultrasound. Hehehe!

*Mommy's little kickboxer*

Since my figure is so small (I was sooo worried I will blow up tlga when I get pregnant) Since 5-6 mos yata baby's movement inside me is so strong already. But now that the baby is bigger and stronger aba parang kickboxer in the making sa likot and minsan ang sakit ha. Especially when the baby stays long near my rib cage..ouch!Kahit anong pakiusap ni mommy ayaw mag-move pag si daddy ang humawak at kumausap aba sumusunod naman. Hmmm...kaya kinakabahan ako sa mag-ama eh. Ang dami na kseng conniving plans ni Ryan for the kids mischief eh. (*my eyes rolling here).

Here's some of my preggy pictures:

*** to follow after editing it

Love letter from my B.F.

Mar 30, '07 6:12 AM
for users dowadee and auiedioses

how are you? how's ur tummy? how's dear ryan... I hope its so okay wid you I posted your letters for me. It made me miss you a lot more. It made me even notice that GOD has put us together though we are really opposites. You can sing I can dance. Ur'e good in english, id rather have math! ur the kind of girl who doesn't easily trust a guy, while Im a person who easily gives in in their "sugar-coated" "to good to be true" statements. I take good care of my stuffs while you lost a lot of pagers...u r tall, i am short. I am gifted but you are not (sorry but its the truth...you know which is the "gifted" part that i am referring...) hahahaha I come on time and you are always late.... both of us are miss friendship pero mas matindi ka kasi we always get stranded because of your friends and choovas!

thinking how would it be if we are still both in phils... u having ryan and being preggy while im busy preparing for my wedding =)

I thank God for what he has given us... as what everybody says... all of us may experience struggles in life but i'm so overjoyed and blessed for having you as my best frend EVER!

we maybe so miles away but always remember no one can ever replace the kind of friendship that we shared.

ilove u and take care of urself!!!

God bless........

cnu pa... ako pa din !
weewai



When I read Auie's heartwarming letter I was so moved that I had tears welling up in my eyes. Indeed when you look back in life there's no greater joy than to see how far you've gone and that you aged with TRUE friends if not a lot at least a few. Who knows and loves you inside out. All of a sudden past mistakes, previous heartaches, vanishes with tomorrow's promise. I am so thankful to God for having Auie as my best friend and I can't thank God enough for the continuous shower of blessings Ryan and I are receiving now. Life is still not a bed of roses but my life has surely turned around from the chaotic and somehow miserable life I grew up in.

Reminiscing Holy Week

Commemorating Holy Week is not as difficult as celebrating Christmas here since there are no decors required for that, except for the fact that there are no holidays for Catholics to do what we have practised for many years every Holy Week. Strictly observed pa naman ito sa family namin and my lolo would always scold us if we do anything fun (like hum a tune, listen to the radio or watch tv, play, etc) especially on Holy Friday. May mga family traditions din kme like going to mass, attending processions in Biñan, pasyon sa neighbors, way of the cross with family / friends and Easter egg hunt on Sundays until we grew old for that and lola passed away.

Since Ryan & I got married (2004) we have been visiting churches on Holy Thursdays and I would prepare him tacos for merienda after we got back. We would do the station of the cross at every church. Minsan nga kinareer pa naming lakarin ang mga simbahan sa Intramuros grabe pala ang San Agustin super jam packed. Tapos nag-jejeep jeep lng kme. Last year we did not go to a lot of churches but we went to nearby churches lng to pray. I have this adoration prayer that we prayed for an hour in Sacred Heart but those two years we never failed to visit Guadalupe Church where we got married. One of the best adoration altars ever. It's so solemn and it feels even more special for us to pray there.

May blooper pa kmeng dalawa nung 1st year namin to do the Bisita Iglesia, a lot of people often rave about how beautiful the set up of Sta. Ana (Our Lady of the Abandoned Church) is but when we went there it was so disappointing kse walang kaayos ayos at all. It was soooo dull that we just opted to pray the station of the cross outside. Aparently nasa pocket garden pala nila ang altar and the following year (after we were corrected by everybody we know who regularly visits this church) it was indeed so beautiful in the garden and so solemn there.

Holy week as I have learned to surpass even the traditions is really a holy week for me. Especially now that I feel I have to reflect on my wrong doings and be thankful of the countless blessings we are continously receiving. I want to be deserving of His grace especially now that He has given us so much than what we were praying for. Even if I am away from the Philippines now I want to take a day off to pray despite missing all the Holy Week traditions. Sayang walang 7th Heaven marathon dito...

Another sinigang story

I remember putting a post about siningang years back. Now there's another story to tell...later I might have chronicles of Sinigang...

Since sinigang is Ryan's favorite dish it was a struggle for him not to be able to eat it for months since we haven't seen a sinigang mix here not even fresh sampaloc. Until Florence, my candidate from the Phils who has come to live with us was able to bring a few c/o my incessant request from my mom. And of course we brought back with us a whole year supply of sinigang mix from our trip not counting those Florence brought from her recent trip back too. It was obvious that siningang is in the menu as soon as we did the grocery last weekend.

Ryan's duty this week starts at 3:00 PM and I thought it makes sense to boil the pork from the morning before I leave until he leaves for work in the afternoon. So that I would only have to worry about the veggies in the evening after work. Unfortunately this is how our conversation went (or at least, according to Ryan. what I claimed)
D: Ry, isasalang ko na ung pork ha para lumambot pakipatay n lng later pagalis mo?
R: Huh? Di ba matutuyuan yun.
D: Hindi enough lng un para malabot gaya nung luto ko last time
R: Uh..okay.

So parang malinaw and conversation.

6:00 PM we were chatting via YM.

R: mahal sabihan mo ako bago ka uwi ha
R: try kita ihitid ok?
D: wrapping up alis siguro me in 15 mins
R: kahit dyan lang sa bus stop
R: ahh ok
D: will send emails lng
D: malambot na baboy?
R: basta sabihan mo ako kapag sign off ka na
D: ok
R: i think so
R: pero di ko pa din pinatay

Imagine me going ballistic here...waaah!As in!!He left the house at around 2PM what time was it now?!Immediately I stood up and just sent my report to my boss. Hurried home. Went with my Indian officemate. Florence even saw me riding the cab. My Indian colleague kept on telling stories but I honestly can't get my mind off the sinigang. I checked out the guards reaction if he's going to tell me our house is burning as I entered the gate of our compound. Hehehe..so far so good. Pa-wave wave pa sila.

When I reached home I just put down my things in the couch and rushed to the kitchen. Even with the kitchen doors closed a pungent smell of meat can be smelled from the doorstep. Yaiks! I really do hope it's not burned or something. I was so relieved to find that it was not burning when I opened the lid but somehow it smelled burned. Only half of the water evaporated. The meat was so soft already but it was within remedy. Florence came in wondering why all the lights were out but the door was unlocked. That was how panicked I was forgetting everything else but the sinigang.

And as usual as an indication of success when Ryan came home at 12:00 am he told me he cannot sleep right away since he was sooo full after eating late dinner I left for him. =) Despite the incident that was enough to put a smile on my face and go back to sleep peacefully or at least as peaceful as not feeling our baby's strong kick.

Ang aming balik-bayan trip

As expected we're back to reality. Good thing is that I've psyched myself before going back that I just enjoyed every single day we spent back in the Phils and not feel so bad to be back in Malaysia.

First off..it felt soooo goood to be home!It was almost too good to be true. Suddenly all the simple things we took for granted in the Phils we came to appreciate and miss. Ang saya ng uwi namin!

Flight night:
I got stuck with turning over my candidates and other things in the office it was already 7PM and Ryan was waiting di pa ako makaalis ng office. We don't even have an idea what time the last bus is. Plus we're both hungry..dito pa naman eh wala nang mabibilhan ng food for snacks or something around 5PM. We were hoping we can grab something at KL Sentral para dinner na.

It was hard getting a cab since it was Friday. We were dragging along our monster luggage na almost empty and the Samsonite hand carry stroller. Good thing here, it's very easy to make taxi calls. Isang tawag lng, sila pa magrereturn call sa iyo and voila the nearest cab will be there in a few minutes.

In KL Sentral umalis na ung last trip ng isang bus line going to the airport. Naglakad lakad pa kme kse ung isang bus line may trip pa pala. Hence, we left KL to go to the airport at around 8PM. The bag of Ruffles I grabbed from the kitchen this morning came in handy + the empty bottle of water I refilled from the office. Instant dinner. By the time we arrived at the airport we spoiled our appetite for a proper dinner. Still I ordered cheeseburger at McDo and Ryan some mcnuggets.

We waited for hours since our flight leaves at 1:20 am and with the same predicament we had when we went to Bacolod Cebu Pacific's flight was delayed for another hour!!!At least shorter than the 3 hour delay of our flight to Bacolod before. Still it was such an unholy hour!!and we can't sleep properly with the airport seats. Wala bang iiimprove ang Cebu Pacific???

Day one: Friday

Since I informed my family that our flight was delayed when we arrived di pa sila umaalis ng bahay. Hehehe. Kami na lng naiwan sa airport na walang sundo pero even if there was no food served sa aming budget fare & napaka-stiff ng upuan ng Cebu Pacific eh I was so ecstatic to be back. Actually since 3 mos pa lng kmeng nawawala there were no drastic changes sa Pinas. Jollibee ang aming first meal kse ang tagal nila Dokee & mama dumating. In fairness ang sarap na ng fries ng Jollibee ha! Dati di mo ako mapapakain ng Jollibee fries.

Sa car pa lng mega update na kme. Especially kay Kris Aquino at James Yap...hahaha!And we forgot that it's almost election time na pala sa Pinas. So update din ng mga tatakbo etc. Pagdaan namin ng Makati gusto kong humalik sa lupa we were greeted with the usual morning rush and traffic. Ahh...ito ang wala sa KL. Kung meron man eh stop light lang feeling ng mga local eh traffic jam na dito.

Breakfast was tinapa & itlog na maalat!Yum yum yum! Sobrang busog ako! At ang bahay namin may Christmas decor pa..muntik na akong maiyak kse dito parang holy week ang naging pasko namin. Tlagang di nila tinanggal para makapag-picture daw kme (as if eh na-lo bat naman ang digi cam at di namin dala yung charger).

We went with Dokee right away to have my tooth fixed. She had so many patients we tried sleeping in her clinic's dining area to wait for my turn. When I woke up I requested for a yellow cab pizza! Yum yum yum na naman!!!!Aliw na aliw naman ako sa mga campaign ng senators sa TV. At may mga starlets na di ko na marecognize ha.

Anyway after my treatment dumiretso na kme sa Greenhills tiangge for my maternity clothes shopping. Salamat naman at uso ang preggy blouses kse sa totoo lng di pa kasya sa akin khit small na maternity clothes. Dapat nga papa-derma pa ako kaso di namin nakausap yung derma ko kung papayag syang i-treat ako and her new sched pala is off sya pag Fridays. For merienda we had pansit malabon...and sarap!Grabe sa totoo lng super sarap kumain. At home for dinner it was monggo with chicharon!!Ang dami dami kong nakain. Yung baby bihira lng maglikot maybe because ang dami nyang stock ng food.

Day two: Saturday

Ryan and I promised to keep Saturday for ourselves. It was our "date day" especially we did not go out for Valentines and reserved it for our homecoming. Gusto pa sana ni Ryan 3 sine?! Sabi ko 2 lng. So we booked Ghost Rider in the afternoon & Music and Lyrics in the evening. Kme ang nagbukas ng ticket counter..hehehe!So we got good seats. Nasabik kme sa sine kse sa PInas we watch movies regularly or I mean as far as my schedule would allow. Hehehe at least sa Pinas anytime na trip mong manood you can watch tlga. Dito naman kse sabog ang sched ng movies. So its a must to check a website and be at the cinema on time.

We went home for lunch sa bahay kse gusto ko tlga ng homecooked binagoongang baboy & mangga. So mama prepared this while I went to the salon to have my nails done & Ryan went to his barber na halos yakapin nya sa pagkamiss (esp after his tragic haircut incident her tlgang mapapatay mo ang barbero sa kapalpakan).Balik Greenbelt after lunch kahit na late kme sa Ghost Rider..hehehe inis na inis si Ryan kse di namin nasimulan. It was a big date night indeed. Ang saya ng buong gabi! We heard mass at Greenbelt chapel, ate & ate the food we missed..goto + tokwa't baboy, bibingka...ang sarap kumain I barely had room for dinner. I loved Music & Lyrics sobrang nakakatuwang panoorin and after the movie you'll really have a last song syndrome of the song Way Back Into Love. Dapat nga bibili pa ako ng soundtrack kaso sarado na ang Music One so dito na lng siguro sa KL. Another best part of the day was Ryan bought me the lacking series of my Shopaholic books. Hehehe. Spoiled!

Day three: Sunday

Time to go to Ryan's hometown. Same old same old except that ang layo na pala ng tawiran sa dati naming babaan so mega walkaton kme under the sun. It was good to see his family again although super kulit and likot ng kanyang mga pamangkin. Ang cute cute na ng bunso ni Ate. Nakakatuwa din si mama although ewan ko lng kung namiss nya kme actually di ko rin nga alam kung kilala nya kme...hehe. In a way I took it as an indication that she knows us in her heart kse nung ngpaalam kme na aalis na kme she said, "aalis na kayo ulit?" parang somehow eh may sense sya that we are going away.

Day four: Monday

Appointment for the day: SSS (maternity benefit), LTO (license application), lunch with Ma'am Cecille, more shopping in Makati, haircut at Lucy B., dinner with the winckies. Need I say more? I was a full full day. I ate kare-kare twice one sa Dencio's with Ma'am Cecille and nung dinner at Recipes. Most importantly I love my new haircut and I love the stylist in Lucy B. bakit ba ngayon lng ako ngpagupit dun. He did a great job with my hair and he styled it while it was dry para walang phony after-cut kapag basa at na-blow dry. It was so natural and was really low maintenance as he promised it would. I just forgot his name pero di sya gay, lalaking lalaki gusto ko nga sana ipa-train si Ryan..hahaha!Sya nga daw nakukulay sa wife nya. Bongga di ba?! Imagine nagkukulutan kme ni Ryan pag weekends.

It was so nice to see my friends na ang iba ay nung kasal pa namin huli kong nakita. Chismisan galore!Kulang ang gabi...naawa nga ako kay Ryan kund di lng ako buntis pinauwi ko na. Kse naman we haven't had a decent sleep during our trip.

Day five: Tuesday

Ilang oras na lng we'll be in KL again. Syempre nagpa-footspa muna ako sa Index ever. At nggrocery n kme ng mga food na wala dito. Lie low and packing galore. Ang galing tlga mag pack ni mama! Ang dami dami naming dala. It was a wortwhile stay ang kinalulungkot lng ni Ryan di kme nakapag-Boracay or something. With the baby coming kelan nga kaya ulit yun? I wonder if we'll have the heart to leave the baby behind and have a vacation.

I was so happy di naharang ang aming bagoong, taba ng talangka, tocino, hotdog, luncheon meat, etc sa airport kse maiiyak ako pag naiwan yun kung alam nga lng namin dinagdagan pa namin ang dala...hehehe.

All in all it was a good trip. I learned my lesson sa Cebu Pacific and chose the seats na may pinakamalaking legroom. Next time din puro pagkain na ang laman ng bag namin that is if I can resist shopping for clothes again. =)

Uwian na!!!

It has only been 3 mos yet I'm so excited to go back home!!

Ryan and I came up with a list of things to eat and take home with us:
MUST eat:
- tinapa, itlog na maalat
- binagoongang baboy & mangga
- longanissa
- Yellow cab
- tapa king
- kare-kare with bagoong
- crispy pata
- bacon
- hotdog
- chicharon bulaklak (Pampanga)
- Fishballs & Squidballs
- balot
- relyenong bangus

and the list gets longer as if we only came back to eat. Hehehe!I'm so excited!

I'm sure our bags will be packed again just like the first time. Good thing the attendants of Malaysian Airlines were kind enough to allow the overweight. What an overweight it was before.

This time I'm meeting again one group of friends only. Have only one body to do so and only 5 days to accomplish what we will come back for. I never knew one can miss his own country this much when he/she becomes an OFW. Good thing about our set up is Ryan & I are together so no dealing the usual long distance relationship stuff. Still I miss the food and my usual activities that I can't wait to go home into the arms of my excited family & friends!!!And all the food the used to comfort me of course!

What am I doing?

At the office today and I'm engrossed with my e-book Confessions of a Shopaholic. Obviously blogging now, not really doing anything productive so it seems.

I am at a point where I don't want to admit frustration..more appropriately it's confusion and the floating feeling of not having a sense of direction in what I am doing. I don't let my thoughts wander far into that.

No wonder weekends at home are boring me.

There's a five day vacation in the Philippines I am looking forward to but the problems with vacations is the feeling why it has to end so soon. Arrrggghh! Ignore the gloomy gal I've become. Must be the pregnancy hormones doing this. Hahaha!

Di na nakakatuwa

Grrrr tlga!Grrr grrr grrr!!!

Although I have complaints about my new job which is so mababaw and seems to be part of the job, I have prepared myself working with people who has a different culture naturally. Having better hopes with my kababayans instead.

Unfortunately not the case. People here whether from India, or locally here in Malaysia have been very nice and easy to work with. Of course not minding a few communication gap once in a while (again very acceptable di ba?). It is so disappointing na kung sino pa yung mataas expectations ko sila pa ang hindi makaintindi. Nagtitimpi na lng ako na sigawan ang mga taong concerned ng isang malaking BOBO!!TANGA!! Considering that working as an HR for more than 5 years has extended my patience and tolerance for people in the workplace who are so narrow minded. At talagang di ako pumapatol sa bading na papansin at hindi makapag-English!actually tinagalog na di pa din makaintindi.

Di ko alam san pa huhugutin ang pasensya. Ang hirap kseng patulan ng tao na stupidity lang ang problema. As in hindi marunong magbasa ng email..sorry but the email HAD TO BE IN ENGLISH! Because the management here was put in cc alangan naman itagalog ko para lang maintindihan ng isang..hmmp ewan!!

Grrr tlga. This is the last time I'm wasting my time for this type of person gusto ko lng tlga maglabas ng sama ng loob. Kse alangan naman i-share ko sa officemates ko dito eh so far peace loving naman sila. Sabihin nila I can't handle my own kababayan...which is actually true. Haaay kakalungkot!